


Roads We Could Have Walked - Season Four

by Riley_Sivertsen



Series: Roads We Could Have Walked - BBC Merlin Re-imagining [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Gen, Gwen and Arthur Are Best Bros, Healthy Relationships, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, beautiful friendships, character growth is a thing bbc, i just want everyone to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:09:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22803853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riley_Sivertsen/pseuds/Riley_Sivertsen
Summary: This is one fan's re-imagining of BBC Merlin.Every season and most episodes re-told in the hopes of giving every character and story-line the story they deserved - or at least a story slightly different from what they got.This season in particular? Well, I'm making some pretty significant changes. I hope you love those changes as much as I do, I've had the best time ruining my emotions writing this!I am putting a lot of faith in my fellow fans here, since I only included the scenes I, well, wanted to!
Relationships: Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merthur
Series: Roads We Could Have Walked - BBC Merlin Re-imagining [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603612
Comments: 156
Kudos: 275





	1. S4E1/2 - The Darkest Hour Part One & Two

**Author's Note:**

> **** Much of this content is taken directly from the original script of BBC Merlin ****  
> This is my re-telling of BBC Merlin the way I wish it would have gone, going through most of the episodes in the whole series. The way I did that was by taking transcripts from each episode and go through and alter, add and remove according to my own preference.  
> I do not claim to have written any of the original content! This is a fan re-interpretation of the original show as it was aired. I love this show with all my heart and just want to share my dream version of it with the rest of the fandom <3
> 
> I love this fandom so much, you have all brought me so much joy <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episodes 1 and 2, series 4 of BBC Merlin - The Darkest Hour Part One & Two.
> 
> Dark forces are attacking Camelot, and a sacrifice needs to be made. Eyes are opened along the way.

“For the tear to be created would’ve required a blood sacrifice,” Gaius said solemnly to Arthur and the council. “To seal it will require another.”

Arthur considered this. “We ride before nightfall,” he announced. The councilours murmured in surprise.

“And who will be the sacrifice?” Gaius enquired.

“If laying down my life will spare the people of Camelot, then that is what I must do.”

*

“I won’t let him sacrifice himself,” Merlin shouted at nothing in particular as he packed.

“Merlin, what are you doing?” Gaius asked.

“It is my destiny to protect Arthur!”

“How? Your magic is powerless against the Dorocha!” Gaius reminded him, as if Merlin wasn’t aware and terrified of that fact.

“Then I must sacrifice myself in his place."

“No.”

“My life has always been marked out by destiny,” Merlin said. “If this is meant to be…I’m not afraid. I will gladly die, Gaius, knowing that one day…Albion will live.”

_And Arthur will live._

He embraced Gaius, lifted his bag and left their chambers.

*

Lancelot found himself smiling the moment he spotted Gwen coming down the stairs. He was preparing the horses together with the other knights, and had been planning to sneak away to see her in a moment. He was glad she found him first.

“Gwen.” He reached out his hand to close the distance faster, and she took it instantly. She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. He blushed at the public display, but did not complain.

“Lancelot.” She always spoke his name as if it belonged on her tongue. “Are you ready for your quest?”

“Always, My Lady,” he said, and made her smile at the formality. How he loved that smile.

“You know I’m no lady.”

“To me, you always will be.” He brought her hand up and kissed it. She blushed beautifully. She could put goddesses to shame when she looked like that.

“Lancelot, will you grant me a favour in this quest?” she asked, forcing herself to be serious. Good, that meant he had managed to distract her momentarily.

“Anything, you know that.”

She glanced to the side, to where Arthur and Merlin were bickering by Arthur’s horse. “Will you keep an eye on them? I know Arthur. He’ll do anything to protect his people and there is nothing you can do to stop that, but… Just keep an eye on them both? Please?”

Lancelot smiled softly. “They are not only your dear friends, but mine as well. I will look after them, I promise.”

Gwen’s smile widened, and her eyes flickered between his lips and his eyes. Would she be brave enough to kiss him in the Square, with so many people around?

He should have known better than to question Gwen’s bravery.

She leaned forward, again on her tiptoes, and Lancelot happily met her halfway, their lips melding together like fire and metal, molten and perfectly fitted against one another.

“Look after yourself as well,” Gwen said when she pulled away. “That’s an order from your lady, Sir Knight.”

Lancelot smiled the way only Gwen could make him smile. “I shall do my very best, My Lady.” He kissed her hand once again. “I leave my heart here with you. I swear I will return for it.”

*

“Elyan, look after the horses,” Arthur ordered as they sat up camp that night. “They need watering. I need someone to volunteer to get wood.”

“I’ll do that.” Merlin hurried off without waiting. He didn’t miss Lancelot following close behind, waiting until they were out of earshot before he spoke.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Lancelot said. “You have no powers.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Merlin tried to dismiss his concerns.

“You’re not a warrior, Merlin! I don’t want to see you hurt. If you leave in the morning, I’ll cover with Arthur.”

Merlin stopped looking for firewood and met Lancelot’s gaze. “It’s your duty to protect Camelot no matter the cost, yes?” His friend nodded. “Well, it’s my duty to protect Arthur. Surely you can understand that.”

Lancelot hesitated, but nodded again. “I can understand that very well. And I know that, even if you didn’t think it was your duty, you would do so anyway, wouldn’t you?”

Merlin smiled slightly. “As easily as you would for Gwen.”

“Love makes us foolish and brave,” Lancelot mused, and they returned to gathering firewood.

*

They came across the crumbling old fortress around dusk the next day, and quickly rounded up wood for torches. They heard the screams and shrieks of the Dorocha as the darkness fell around them. Arthur managed to ward one off with his torch, but they were too many and too close. Everyone retreated to the fire pit, knowing they didn’t have enough wood to last the night. Merlin kept catching himself staring at Arthur, and often found Arthur staring back. He wondered if he was thinking the same thing as Merlin.

_When one of us sacrifices ourselves, the other will be alone._

They had both spent so much time trying to protect each other. The last few months had felt easier, after Arthur subtly revealed that he knew about Merlin's magic, but they still kept their distance. Uther was alive, and so many at court shared Uther’s views on magic and…other things.

Merlin subtly brightened the fire with magic, earning a look from Lancelot. Merlin shrugged and smiled, which earned him a grin in return. When Merlin glanced at Arthur again, he caught a brief smile as Arthur turned away, clearly not wishing to get caught staring.

“That fire won’t get us through the night,” Percival finally commented.

“It will keep the area safe for a while,” Arthur replied, and yet it seemed like no time had passed when Gwaine threw their last log on the fire.

“Maybe we should draw lots, see who gets more,” Gwaine suggested.

“I’ll go,” Arthur said, because of course he did.

“You’ll need help,” Lancelot interjected.

“I’ll go with him,” Merlin said, because of course he did.

“You sure you’re the right person?” Arthur asked, eyebrow raised.

“Well, since when have you known how to collect firewood?” Merlin teased, and the knights all laughed. Merlin exchanged one long look with Lancelot before he followed Arthur.

*

Arthur knew he should stay focused, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from drifting towards Merlin, drinking in every detail, memorizing every angle. If this were the last days of his life, he would happily spend every moment staring at Merlin. Especially when Merlin kept staring back in the same way.

Still, he thought he was staying vigilant as they gathered firewood.

But when the Dorocha shrieked and came at them from behind, they were both caught by surprise. It came directly for Merlin, and Arthur dropped his torch to tackle him out of the way at the last minute. They fell over a short wall and Arthur felt a sharp pain in his arm when they landed, but they got to their feet and ran through the passages of the old fortress until it seemed they lost the Dorocha following them.

Arthur led Merlin to a somewhat shielded corner, and they knelt, both trying to take up less space in the absence of a torch to protect themselves with.

Merlin glanced over Arthur, and when his eyes settled on his arm, Arthur remembered the sharp pain and noticed there was a wound there. Merlin pulled out a cloth and tied it around the injured arm. Arthur shivered.

“It’s cold,” he said, because he had to say something.

“Right.” Merlin swallowed and focused on Arthur’s arm.

“You’re not feeling it?” Merlin shrugged, and Arthur almost smiled. “You know, Merlin, you’re braver than I give you credit for.”

Merlin chuckled. “Really? Was that a compliment?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Arthur replied, but he found himself chuckling, too.

They fell into silence for a long while as they listened to the screaming sounds of spirits in the darkness of the fortress. Arthur tried to pay close attention. He refused to allow a small injury to stop him from protecting Merlin if the need arose.

“All the things I’ve faced,” Arthur said after a period, needing to fill the silence. “I never worried about dying.”

“I don’t think you should now,” Merlin replied, surprisingly.

Arthur stared at him in wonder. “Sometimes...you puzzle me.”

Merlin grinned. “You never fathomed me out?”

Arthur thought his voice sounded a little like it did when he was masquerading as the old man, covering for Gwen. “No,” he confessed.

“I always thought, if things had been different, we’d’ve been…friends.” Merlin's voice was shy. Arthur wished he would look up, meet his eyes, but Merlin still looked down.

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed.

“That’s if you hadn’t been such an arrogant, pompous dollop head,” Merlin finished, and Arthur couldn’t fight a laugh. Finally, Merlin looked up. “We _will_ defeat the Dorocha,” he said in all seriousness. “We will, Arthur. Together.”

Arthur swallowed. “Well, I appreciate that.” Even if he knew he was headed to his death. “You know, you’re a brave man, Merlin. _Between_ battles.”

Merlin laughed. “You don’t know how many times I’ve saved your life.”

_I know a few_ , Arthur thought, wishing he could admit it. “If I ever become king, I’m going to have you made court jester.”

They both chuckled, but quickly fell silent at the shrieks of the Dorocha. They didn’t sound as far away as Arthur would like. It was too dark in this room, nowhere for them to hide.

“They say the darkest hour is just before dawn,” Arthur said, willing it to be true.

“Feels pretty dark right now.”

“Well, it can’t be long then.”

Not long after he said it, the Dorocha found them.

It came sweeping straight through the door, floating through the air towards them at menacing speed. Arthur, sword in hand, rushed around the corner they hid in without a thought, ready to defend Merlin even with something useless as a sword. He was so focused on the Dorocha that he didn’t notice Merlin moving faster. Merlin pulled his arm and yanked him backwards.

Arthur watched in horror as Merlin ran directly towards the Dorocha.

“Merlin! No!” The words shredded through Arthur’s throat. The ghostly creature caught Merlin in the chest and threw him back against the stone wall. Before Arthur could even move, Lancelot was there with a torch, waving at the Dorocha and forcing it away from them.

“What happened?” Lancelot asked, but Arthur barely heard him. He was already kneeling at Merlin’s side. He lay with his face towards the wall he had been thrown to, and Arthur gently rolled him onto his back.

Merlin’s face looked up at him, blue and frosted like all the corpses they had seen since this nightmare started. Arthur couldn’t breathe. Merlin had just sacrificed himself to protect him.

*

It was so cold, he could barely focus. Voices were talking around him but he couldn’t lock onto them properly, couldn’t answer them. Couldn’t find his voice in the cold.

“We have to get him back to Gaius.” That was Arthur. Arthur was alright. Good.

“And abandon the quest?”

“He saved my life, I won’t let him die.”

“Sire, if we don’t get to the Isle of the Blessed, hundreds more will perish.” Sir Leon, surely. He was right.

“Let me take him.” Lancelot, Merlin thought.

“Carrying a wounded man alone, it will take you two or three days to reach Camelot.” Arthur sounded so worried, Merlin thought.

“Not if I go through the Valley of the Fallen Kings. You cannot give up on the quest.”

“Sire, he’s right.”

Merlin forced himself to see – he knew his eyes were open, but he was so cold that all he saw was black. If he focused, though, he could make out Arthur standing beside him. No, beside his horse. Merlin was on a horse.

“This is my fault,” Arthur’s voice came softly. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin begged his voice to obey him, and it did. “Take me with you, please.”

“You would die, Merlin.” Why did Arthur sound like he was in pain?

“You don’t understand. Please, Arthur.” _If I don’t come, you’ll die._

“Do you ever do as you’re told?”

“I have to come with you,” Merlin forced the words out.

“Merlin…”

He wished he could see Arthur better. He wanted to meet his eyes, to convey how serious this was, but he was too cold and he could barely make out the shimmering shape of Arthur beside him. He did, however, feel a sudden burst of heat on his shoulder, wonderful heat that just for a moment allowed him to focus on Arthur, looking at Merlin like he was the most precious thing in the world.

“We need to leave,” Lancelot said from somewhere out of sight.

Arthur’s hand tightened on Merlin’s shoulder, and Merlin wanted to wrap himself up in the heat that came from it, but he let go all too fast.

“Go,” Arthur said, and Merlin could have sworn his voice was thick with grief. That grief echoed in Merlin through the cold. This couldn’t be the last time they saw each other, it couldn’t be. Arthur couldn’t sacrifice himself. Merlin had to stay with him.

But his desperation helped nothing as the horse started moving, carrying him away from Arthur and everything warm in the world.

*

“You’re quiet.” Leon approached where Arthur stood apart from the other knights. They had stopped to watch Gwaine make a fool of himself in front of some bees.

“That’s what happens after three days of listening to Gwaine,” Arthur tried, but Leon had known him his whole life and wasn’t fooled.

“You did the right thing, you know,” said his oldest friend. “Merlin couldn’t have continued with us.”

“I should’ve saved him,” Arthur choked out, while Gwaine made a spectacle of himself behind them, having infuriated the bees. Leon patted Arthur’s shoulder, which was the only physical way that Leon showed affection.

“If anyone can get Merlin back to Camelot, Lancelot can.”

“I know. It’s just…”

“You’re worried,” Leon finished for him. “I understand.” He leaned closer, lowering his voice. “You’re not quite as subtle as you think, Sire.”

He gave Arthur another pat on the shoulder, and walked off to join the group. Arthur was left wondering if he was actually subtle at all, or simply delusional.

*

Lancelot woke up to find Merlin gone. For a long, terrifying moment, he wondered if the magical creatures had lied to him. He shouted Merlin’s name.

“Shh!”

Lancelot spun around and stared bewildered at the sight of Merlin standing on some rocks in the stream, catching fish. He speared another one and held it up, grinning. “Breakfast!”

“Merlin, what…” Lancelot struggled for words. “Why are you…?”

“What?” Merlin asked, as if Lancelot was the one acting strange.

“You’re meant to be, well, dying.”

Merlin smiled playfully as he put the fish down. “Sorry. Here.” He handed Lancelot the spearing stick.

“What’s that for?”

“You look like you’re going to fall over,” Merlin teased. Lancelot swung the stick at his head, but Merlin expertly avoided it. “Yeah, not as quick as Arthur.”

“Oh yeah?” Lancelot realized he was smiling, as well. He hadn’t truly expected to see his friend up and about and being himself. It warmed the heart. Someone as strong and true as Merlin looking like a frozen corpse had made the whole world seem wrong.

“Come on.” Merlin took the stick back. “We need to catch up with the others.”

“No!” Lancelot protested. “You’re going back to Camelot.”

“You might be.”

“Merlin.” Perhaps his mind hadn’t fully recovered.

“Say hello to Gaius for me!” Merlin had already started walking.

“Merlin!” That finally made him stop and turn. Lancelot sighed and picked up his cloak and sword. Merlin gave him that look, the look that made it impossible not to see the wisdom and power that he hid so well most of the time.

“Arthur can’t finish this without us,” he said solemnly.

“Arthur’s right about you,” Lancelot noted. “You don’t ever do as you’re told.”

“Nope.” Merlin went on his way, Lancelot following him with a mixture of awe and frustration. There really was no one quite like Merlin.

*

Lancelot was still recovering from their encounter with the dragon, and the words Merlin had exchanged with it.

“When we get to the Isle of the Blessed, do you really intend to sacrifice yourself?” He should have known, really. Gwen had, he realized now.

“What do you want me to say?” Merlin replied simply. Lancelot thought, like he had thought so many times before, that Merlin was as much of a knight as any of them. Perhaps not in his skills with a sword, but in courage and honour? None were his equal.

“I look at you, Merlin, and I wonder about myself,” he admitted. “Would I knowingly give up my life for something?”

“You have to have a reason. Something you care about. Something that’s more important than anything.”

“And for you, that’s this destiny of Albion you spoke of with the dragon?”

“That,” Merlin said, then shyly Lancelot’s direction. “And Arthur.”

Ah, yes, Lancelot thought. Gwen had spoken to him of the sadness she felt for her two friends, that they should both love each other so and deny themselves any opportunity for happiness. Lancelot knew he could never have stood by and watched Gwen make the kind of sacrifice Arthur was on his way to make. Of course Merlin would give his life to save the man he loved. He would probably do the same even if he wasn’t in love with him.

Lancelot wondered how he would survive standing by as two of his dearest friends competed to die for one another.

*

Arthur stared into the fire, vaguely aware of the knights mocking Gwaine for his disgusting socks. He couldn’t get that image of Merlin out of his mind. He looked so weak and afraid – not of dying, but of not being able to follow Arthur on his quest. Even when he was so close to death, Merlin still put Arthur first. How did he deserve someone like that? How did he deserve any of the loyalty and affection Merlin gave him?

And now, that image of Merlin would be his last memory of him. The thought broke his heart as he wondered what he could have done differently, what actions would have made for a different outcome. He knew that might drive him mad, but he was going to his death without knowing if Merlin would make it or not.

If now wasn’t the right time to go mad, what was?

A noise brought him back to the present. “Quiet,” he ordered, and everyone got to their feet, swords drawn. The sound had been a gate opening. Someone was approaching them in the darkness. Arthur’s stomach lurched when Lancelot stepped into the light cast by the fire.

“Lancelot? How’s Merlin?” the words tumbled out of him even though he was terrified of the answer. If Lancelot was back so soon…But, wouldn’t he know? Arthur felt that, surely, somehow, the world would feel different to him if Merlin was no longer in it.

“Bad news,” Lancelot said, and slowly, a small smile appeared on his lips. “He’s still alive.”

Lancelot stepped aside, and Merlin strode up next to him. Arthur’s world narrowed to the two bright, blue points that were Merlin’s eyes. Alive, full of light and laughter as the knights shouted his name and embraced him with glee. Arthur himself couldn’t quite move. Merlin untangled himself from the knights eventually, and he turned to Arthur.

_He’s alive._

It was the only thought in his mind, the only thing that mattered – that, and the love in Merlin’s blue eyes and the grin on his beautiful lips, and Arthur realized he had been an absolute idiot for wasting so much of their time.

He was done wasting time.

Arthur crossed the distance between them, one hand wrapping itself around Merlin’s waist and the other sliding effortlessly around his neck, fingertips grazing against his hair, and Arthur kissed him. He kissed him the way he had wanted to so many times, for so many years, he kissed him with all the warmth and love and passion that he had pretended not to feel, and after only one stunned moment of confusion, Merlin kissed him back.

Merlin’s lips were just as frantic and desperate as Arthur’s, spilling over with what they had denied themselves for far too long, and Arthur was vaguely aware that there was a world outside the arms that wrapped around him, but right now he didn’t care.

Lack of breath forced them to pull away from each other, but Arthur wasn’t about to let Merlin go now, not when he had just gotten him back. He kept his arms firmly around him and rested his forehead against Merlin’s.

“Finally!” someone hollered, it sounded like Gwaine, and there were sounds of cheering and whooping from the knights, and Merlin’s smile was so bright that Arthur had to smile, too, and gods, how had he ever managed not to kiss him when he smiled like that?

“Good to see you, Merlin,” Arthur whispered against his lips.

“Yeah,” Merlin swallowed. “It’s good to see you, too.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a fool and for pushing you away and for everything I ever did to delay this moment.”

“Arthur…” Merlin’s eyes flickered between Arthur’s and his lips, the smile was gone and there was fear and shame in his eyes, and Arthur knew what he was thinking.

“Tell me,” Arthur whispered softly. “Your secret can’t hurt you here. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Merlin’s gaze locked onto Arthur’s like he was trying to borrow his strength, and Arthur was happy to lend it. He tightened his grip on Merlin’s waist.

“I have magic.” Merlin’s voice trembled even as he whispered, and Arthur pressed a soft, gentle kiss to his lips.

“I know. And I meant it. It’s going to be okay.”

He knew that was a promise he wouldn’t be around to keep, but he still knew that it was true. And if tonight was all they were going to get, he didn’t want Merlin to spend it ashamed of himself.

“Come, My Lord,” Merlin said, and the title would have made Arthur flinch if it wasn’t spoken so sweetly. “We have much to talk about.”

*

They all needed to stay near the fire, so there wasn't much room for privacy, but the other knights stayed to one side of the fire pit and went to sleep while Arthur and Merlin sat together on the other side, very much awake. Arthur had his arms around Merlin as the sorcerer leaned against his chest, their fingers intertwined. Arthur kept kissing the top of Merlin’s head to assure himself this moment was real, and Merlin kept humming a laugh whenever he did it.

“I never knew you liked my hair so much,” he whispered teasingly.

“Hard to avoid, isn’t it? Black mess always sticking out like anything.” Merlin gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze, and Arthur thought he might collapse of happiness. Too quickly, though, reality intruded and sadness leaked into his joy. “I wish I hadn’t waited until my last night on earth to do something, Merlin.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Merlin murmured softly. “Everything will be alright.”

“I know you know that’s a lie.”

“You don’t have to sacrifice yourself."

“I do, to save my people.” Arthur harboured no doubt about that.

“I will take your place.”

“Merlin,” Arthur warned. He should have seen this coming. “Don’t–”

“What is the life of a servant compared to that of a prince?”

“You know damn well that I would never let you do this,” Arthur said harshly. One of the sleeping knights stirred, so he lowered his voice. “Camelot is my responsibility. Besides, you were never just a servant to _me._ ”

Merlin was quiet for a moment, then whispered, “I know.” He brought Arthur’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “I don’t know how long you have known about my magic, or how much you know, but it is my destiny to protect you, Arthur. You have a great future ahead of you; you will make a great King. I cannot let you throw that away.”

Arthur decided to let the _destiny_ comment lie for the moment. “You know how I feel about you sacrificing yourself for me. You’ve tried often enough to know I’ll never allow it.”

“Since when have I followed your orders?” Merlin joked, but Arthur wasn’t in the mood. He tightened his grip around Merlin, just slightly, and leaned against his head, breathing in the scent of his hair, feeling it tickling his lips and the stubble on his cheeks.

“Merlin.” He felt almost reverent, being allowed to speak his name this way. “Since the moment I guessed that you had magic, I have lived in fear of watching you die. You are out of your mind if you think for one moment that I will allow that nightmare to become reality just because you have some mad idea about taking my place.”

Merlin was silent for so long that Arthur wondered if perhaps he had fallen asleep, though his breathing remained the same. Finally, he spoke again.

“Did you really have nightmares?”

“Most nights,” Arthur admitted. He was finished hiding anything from Merlin. “I see you tied to the pyre. I hear your screams. I can't move, can't do anything but watch you…”

He trailed off. Merlin had surely imagined that scene enough times on his own, Arthur didn’t need to add to it. He swallowed.

“I’m so sorry I let you live with this alone, Merlin,” Arthur whispered. “I was just so scared. So scared that my father would…”

“I understand. It seems we were protecting each other from the same thing.” He chuckled once. “We’re both thick, aren’t we?”

“We certainly are.”

After another lengthy silence, Arthur lay back on his bedroll, pulling Merlin with him. Once they were horizontal, Merlin turned in his arms and curled against his chest. Arthur tightened his arms around Merlin, treasuring the feeling of holding him close.

“Even if this is our only night,” Merlin whispered, “I’m happy we finally made it here.”

“So am I,” Arthur replied, kissing Merlin’s forehead. “So am I.”

*

It was surprisingly easy to make the decision, when it came down to it.

Lancelot thought he would change his mind in the last moment, or want to, but he stood in front of the Veil and the only thing he could make himself regret was leaving the world without seeing Gwen one last time. He was comforted, though, by the knowledge that his friends would look after her.

The same friends who would live, now that he removed their need to sacrifice themselves. His friends who were finally honest with each other. He couldn’t allow their only night together to be a goodbye. Now they had a chance at the happiness he had briefly gotten to share with Gwen.

Lancelot looked over his shoulder one last time and found Merlin staring at him, horror etched on his face and denial spilling from his mouth. Lancelot hated that the last time he would see Merlin, his friend would look so sad. But he knew it was only because Merlin loved him.

Merlin, the kind, selfless, wise sorcerer who always put himself last and who loved those around him with a might Lancelot had never before seen. Merlin deserved to live; he deserved to finally get his prince. He had risked everything to give Lancelot a chance at his dreams, once upon a time, and now Lancelot could finally repay that favour.

Lancelot smiled at Merlin, hoping to convey with that simple gesture how much he loved and appreciated him, how much he trusted him to take care of Gwen and all their friends.

_Goodbye, my friend. Tell Gwen I love her._

Lancelot turned his back to Merlin and walked into the veil.

*

The journey home was silent, except for one conversation. Merlin knelt by a stream, filling up his water skin, except he found himself lost in thought and staring at the running water as if it held all the answers.

“It’s full,” came a voice beside him.

Merlin looked up and found Percival’s looming figure standing there. Merlin stood, putting the stopper in the water skin. “Right. Wasn’t paying attention.”

“I understand,” Percival said, kneeling to fill up his own. Merlin was about to leave, when Percival spoke again. “You know, I wouldn’t have this life if Lancelot hadn’t brought me to Camelot.”

Merlin looked at the knight, unsure how to respond. It turned out he didn’t have to; Percival continued on his own.

“I’d likely be dead, gutted while fighting for some rich bully’s entertainment. Instead, I have a good life, an honourable life, serving a good king. I have friends…I never thought I’d have any of that.” Percival stood, towering over Merlin, but they managed to hold eye contact. “I don’t know if I ever thanked Lancelot for it.” Percival's voice was thick, and Merlin’s heart ached for the man. He knew all the knights of the round table were as close as anyone could be, but Lancelot had meant as much to Percival as he did to Merlin. Now they were both a little lost.

Merlin looked down at his own hands before he could meet Percival’s gaze again. “I know what you mean,” he said. “There are things he did for me that…Well, I don’t think he ever knew how truly grateful I was.”

“I don’t know why people never think of these things until it’s too late,” Percival said sadly. “Anyway…We should get back to the others.”

“Percy?” Merlin said before the knight could leave. “If you ever want to talk…You know, about him, or…anything. Come find me, alright?”

Percival gave a sad smile. “Thank you, Merlin.” He started walking, but paused and looked back over his shoulder. “I know you did for him what he did for me. Lancelot was lucky to have you as a friend.”

Merlin felt tears forming in his eyes, but they wouldn’t quite spill. “You, too.”

Together they returned to the others, and continued the ride to Camelot in silence.

*

The courtyard was full.

In the short time Lancelot had been a knight, he left a mark on everyone he met, just as he left his mark on Merlin, Arthur, Gwen and the rest of the knights. Merlin watched Arthur place a Camelot cape and sword on the waiting pyre.

“I want to pay tribute to Sir Lancelot,” he said for all to hear. “We owe him a great debt. It is not just his deed that we’ll never forget. It’s his courage. His compassion.”

Merlin stepped forward and gave Arthur a lit torch. He stepped back, standing at Gwen’s side. She hadn’t taken her eyes off the prepared pyre since they walked down the steps.

“His unselfish heart,” Arthur finished, and tossed the torch onto the pyre. Merlin felt the grief of the knights behind him, of Gwen beside him, and he felt his own, keen loss. Lancelot had been everything good about this world, and he had been lucky to call him friend.

Arthur came to stand on the other side of Gwen, taking the hand that Merlin wasn’t already gripping. “He was the most noble knight I’ll ever know,” Arthur said, as most of the gatherers respectfully started to leave the area. “He gave his life for all of us.”

“He didn’t sacrifice himself for Camelot,” Gwen whispered. “I asked him to look after my friends. He was true to his word.”

“Gwen, this isn’t your fault,” Merlin said. “He did it for me. He knew I was never going to allow Arthur to sacrifice himself, and Lancelot couldn’t let me do it, either.”

“I suppose he couldn’t have anyone be more noble than him.” Arthur's voice was thick with unshed tears, but he tried to smile. It worked; Gwen sobbed a laugh as tears ran silently down her face.

“No, I suppose he couldn’t,” she agreed.

Merlin squeezed her hand. “He died with you in his heart, Gwen. I’ve watched him love you from the moment you first met. The power of that love doesn’t die with him. It will live in you, always.”

Gwen nodded, lips pressed together as more tears spilled. Arthur and Merlin looked at each other and nodded. With one last squeeze of her hands, they let go and retreated into the palace, leaving Gwen to say her final goodbyes on her own.

*

Merlin followed Arthur to his chambers like it was any other evening, but when the door closed behind him, strong hands pinned him against it Arthur’s lips were on his, desperately, frantically kissing him like life depended on it.

“We’re alive,” he breathed when he finally pulled back. “I didn’t think we would be, not both of us.”

“We owe Lancelot everything,” Merlin said, and noticed there were tears on Arthur’s cheeks to match his own.

“I don’t intend to waste a moment of that gift,” Arthur vowed, and kissed him again. Merlin’s hands touched every part of Arthur they could; his back, his arms, his neck, his hair, touching Arthur in ways he had dreamed of for years, reminding himself that he was truly there.

But because he was Merlin, and much too used to worrying, he stopped kissing Arthur and met his eyes. Arthur looked at him expectantly, patiently waiting, hands clinging to Merlin’s shirt.

“Are we really doing this?” Merlin asked carefully. “You and me?”

Arthur looked puzzled, then concerned. “Do you not want to?”

“No, I do!” Merlin said instantly. “I want it; I want to be with you _,_ more than I can explain, but…” He put his hand on Arthur’s cheek. “You will be King.”

“Merlin…”

“No, listen,” Merlin insisted. “You will be King, and while I know many, even at court, wouldn’t blink twice at two men being together, they couldn’t accept that from their king. Their future stability depends on you finding a Queen.”

Arthur gazed at him for a long time; Merlin could see that he was thinking, trying to find the right way to phrase what he wanted to say, so Merlin remained quiet. He ran his thumb in small, soft circles on Arthur’s cheek as he waited.

“What you’re saying is true,” Arthur finally agreed. “There are greater expectations on me than any other citizen of Camelot. I have a duty to live up to that.” He took a breath and ran a hand through Merlin’s hair. Merlin leaned into the touch. “I know that a lot of things stand in our way. But I love you, _have_ loved you for a long time, Merlin. And now that I am done denying it to myself, I would rather have you in whatever way I can than go one more day without having you at all.”

Arthur’s voice was heavy and sincere, and Merlin could barely breathe because Arthur had just said _I love you_ and Merlin wanted to hear that a thousand times more.

“But,” Arthur continued, “I would never ask you to accept anything less than you deserve. So if you would rather have nothing if we can’t have everything–”

“Shut up, you royal prat,” Merlin said. “Of course I want you however I can get you. Temporarily, partially, stolen moments…You’re worth anything.”

Arthur grinned. “You can’t tell me to shut up. I’m a prince.”

“Fine,” Merlin grinned back. “If you’re not going to shut up, say it again.”

“Say what?”

Merlin felt himself blush, which made Arthur’s smile widen. “Oh. I love you? Is that what you want to hear?”

Merlin nodded, and Arthur leaned closer, so close his lips hovered right in front of Merlin’s but not touching.

“I love you,” Arthur whispered. He kissed the corner of Merlin’s mouth. “I love you.” He kissed the other corner of his mouth. “I love you.” He kissed the tip of Merlin’s nose.

“I never knew you could be so sweet,” Merlin teased.

“Only after me for my looks, are you?” Arthur chuckled. “Should have known.”

“I love you,” Merlin blurted out, and Arthur’s eyes turned wide and bright as if he hadn’t really expected to hear those words in return. “I couldn’t say anything because I couldn’t tell you about my magic, and I couldn’t tell you one truth without the other.”

“I understand that, Merlin.” Arthur ran fingers through Merlin’s hair again. “I didn’t at first. For a while, I was really angry. But eventually I understood.”

“How long have you known?” Merlin asked, now that he could.

“Too long.” Arthur looked down, like he was ashamed. “I hated seeing you so afraid, letting you keep hiding…But I thought that if you knew that I knew, you might be even less careful. The chances of my father seeing you…I knew I couldn’t protect you from him.”

Merlin’s eyes narrowed. “Did…Did you know after Morgause?”

“You mean after she let me speak to my mother?” Arthur looked like he had been dreading this very question.

“So you did know.” 

“It’s something I regret,” Arthur confessed. “Not necessarily letting my father live, but letting you think I believed your lies. Letting you think I hated magic just like him.”

“You were trying to protect me,” Merlin said with more confidence than Arthur felt he deserved.

“I was trying to keep us from getting too close,” Arthur corrected. “I used my words as weapons to that end, and I’ve regretted it ever since.”

Merlin pressed his lips softly to Arthur’s. “I think, given the circumstances, we should leave the past in the past, whenever we can.”

“I will never lie to you again, Merlin,” Arthur vowed. “I swear it.”

“I promise the same.”

Arthur kissed Merlin, more urgent this time, revealing a desperate need that Merlin shared, his lips parting to let Arthur in, and then the world vanished and there was nothing but the two of them.

Their bodies touching, their hearts bare, and a whole new world in front of them now that they finally allowed themselves to step into it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am intentionally spoiling my own story because this is a fix-it and I *need* you all to know that Lancelot WILL return!!!! I love and respect him and will not give him less than he deserves <3
> 
> Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️
> 
> You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘


	2. S4E3 – The Wicked Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 3, series 4 of BBC Merlin - The Wicked Day.
> 
> Arthur loses his father, and Merlin tries to be there for him.

Here is how it happened.

Arthur begged Merlin to save Uther – not because he necessarily deserved saving, but because he didn’t believe he was ready to be king, and the boy in him wasn’t ready to let go of his father. Merlin knew this was why he asked. Arthur knew how much he was asking of Merlin, given everything. They both went into it with open eyes.

Gaius helped them spread the story of the old sorcerer in the woods, because Arthur didn’t want to lie to his people about using magic the way Uther had lied to _him_. Regardless of the outcome, he wanted to be honest.

But despite their open eyes, both of them, for their own reasons, were just a little too desperate and a little too rushed to notice Morgana’s hand until it was too late.

They both knew Merlin was not to blame, but it didn’t matter. Because of Arthur’s honesty, and because they had no evidence of Morgana’s involvement, Arthur had no choice but let the council and court blame the old sorcerer for the death of their King.

With that, Morgana had tied Arthur’s hands so that it was impossible for him to lift the ban on magic, at least for the foreseeable future.

*

Arthur sat in his chair, staring into nothing when Merlin entered that evening. Arthur barely noticed his presence, except that it seemed a little easier to breathe with him there. The events of Uther Pendragon’s last day on earth kept replaying in Arthur’s mind, and Arthur just wished he had some kind of clarity. He wished he knew how to feel.

“I am so sorry,” Merlin said softly. “I should’ve…I wish that there was something more I could have done.”

Arthur sighed, but couldn’t meet Merlin’s gaze. “Merlin, the only one to blame is Morgana. Even if we cannot prove it.”

“Then why do you look like you are blaming yourself?” Merlin asked. Arthur wondered if he was truly so transparent, or if Merlin just knew him that well. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I know it isn’t. I just…I have a lot on my mind.”

“Perhaps it would help to talk about it.”

“I shouldn’t talk about this with you, Merlin,” Arthur said lowly.

“No?”

“My father spent twenty years fighting magic, yet you tried to save him with it. I’ve already asked too much of you, I cannot ask for more.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

“I just wish I knew how to feel,” Arthur relented. “He was a tyrant. He lied to me my whole life, even when I confronted him directly. He persecuted sorcerers even if they did nothing wrong. And yet…” Arthur blinked back tears. “He was my father, Merlin. He raised me, trained me, taught me so much. I know he loved me, despite everything, and gods help me, I love him. I love him and I hate him and I can’t reconcile those things. I don’t know how to forgive myself for missing him, for needing his guidance.”

He couldn’t see properly through the tears he refused to let spill, but he heard Merlin’s footsteps and felt his hands on his shoulders, rubbing them carefully.

“Do you know why I could never truly hate Uther?” Merlin whispered, like he feared Arthur’s reaction.

“Tell me.”

“Because I knew that in his heart, he loved you more than anything. It doesn’t make up for all the evil he has done, or forgive the pain he caused, but I could never fully hate someone who could love you like that. Misguided as his actions were, and poorly as he often treated you, I always thought his love for his son was Uther’s best quality.”

Arthur took hold of one of the hands on his shoulders and squeezed it, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure if there was anything he could say, so he just sat there quietly, letting Merlin comfort him with his presence.

*

Merlin didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, but his back was as sore as his neck when he opened his eyes to the sound of his name. He turned to look. Sunlight streamed through the open doors, framing Arthur’s form and making him look like an angel come to collect him.

Arthur stared at him for a long moment. His eyes were dry, but Merlin could tell he had spent much of the night in tears.

“It’s a new day,” Arthur said. Merlin managed to get to his feet. “You been here all night?”

“I didn’t want you to feel that you were alone.”

Arthur almost smiled. “Your loyalty humbles me.” He took a deep breath. “You must be hungry?”

“Starving,” Merlin replied, allowing for the distraction.

“Me too. Come on. You can make us some breakfast.”

Again he almost smiled as he led the way up the spiralling staircase, Merlin following close behind. They didn’t end up eating right away. Instead, once enclosed in his chambers, Arthur took Merlin’s hand and led him to his bed, where they both lay down on top of the sheets. Merlin allowed Arthur to pull him to his chest and wrap his arms around him. Merlin buried his face in the nook of Arthur’s throat.

They lay there, holding each other in silence, for a very long time.

This was how Merlin always wished he could comfort Arthur whenever he hurt. Finally, he was allowed. He tightened his grip on Arthur and hoped he never had to let him go again.

*

Merlin watched Arthur walk towards the throne with his head held high. The room was packed, but Merlin had managed to make his way to stand beside Gwen.

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered to her. “For coming.”

Gwen had been largely absent from the palace while dealing with her grief, but it was good to see her again, and to see her smiling as they watched Arthur kneel before Geoffrey.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” she whispered back. “Lancelot would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself.”

Her voice hitched a little on Lancelot’s name, and Merlin took her hand in his and squeezed. She smiled at him in thanks, and their hands remained clasped together as they watched on.

“Then by the sacred laws vested in me,” Geoffrey announced as he lowered the crown onto golden hair, “I crown you Arthur, King of Camelot!”

Arthur rose to his feet and faced the crowd, and Merlin’s heart swelled with pride.

 _Finally_ , he thought. After all this time, _finally_.

“Long live the King! Long live the King!” The cries erupted from every corner of the room. The knights, the courtiers, all praising their new ruler.

“Long live the King!” Merlin shouted with all his might, and as Arthur’s eyes found his and he smiled a private little smile that was meant just for Merlin, he wondered if it was possible to die from happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️
> 
> You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘


	3. S4E4 – Aithusa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 4, series 4 of BBC Merlin - Aithusa.
> 
> Merlin gets a chance to save the last known dragon egg. With the help of the knights of the round table, will he get there in time?

“I’m about to ask you for something, and it’s going to sound insane, and you’re going to want to say no.” Merlin spoke as he walked up to Arthur’s desk, holding his hands out like he was surrendering a battle before it even started.

Arthur put down his quill and leaned back in his chair. “I suppose that’s one way to start a request for a favour,” he said, amused. “Let me guess, whatever it is, you’re going to convince me it isn’t as insane as it sounds and I should say yes?”

“That’s pretty much the plan.”

“Well, then.” Arthur gestured for him to proceed. “The floor is yours.”

_This should be good._

“I need the keys to the vaults.”

Arthur coughed a laugh. “Are you serious? What on earth for?”

“To help a man steal something from it.” Merlin was actually keeping a straight face.

“Oh, in that case,” Arthur huffed. “Why, exactly, do you want to steal from me?”

“Honestly, I’d rather not,” Merlin said, “but this is important. This man, he could help lead me to something extremely valuable, something I have a duty to protect.”

That caught Arthur’s interest. “Duty?”

Merlin took a deep breath and started pacing back and forth in front of the desk. “We promised each other honesty, didn’t we? No more lies?”

“We did. And implied in that agreement is that I won’t throw you in the stocks for anything you reveal to _me_ , and you won’t incinerate me where I stand for anything I reveal to _you_.”

“Right. Good.”

“Will you just spit it out?” Arthur asked. “And for goodness sake, stop pacing, you’re making me nervous.”

Merlin stopped instantly and spun back around to face Arthur. “In the dungeon, there’s part of a key that can help us get to the last known dragon’s egg in the world. I need to find that egg because it’s– it’s my duty as the last dragonlord.”

Arthur straightened in his chair. “Oh.” He swallowed, unsure what to say. “Dragonlord. Right. Like your father was.”

Merlin’s mouth falls open and he stared. “You figured that out?”

“I figured that out.”

Arthur could see Merlin struggling to make sense of that, but he masked his confusion with a small smile. “S’pose I should have guessed. You’re smarter than people give you credit for.”

“I’m smarter than _you_ give me credit for, you mean,” Arthur smirked.

“In my defence, I’ve seen you staring in confusion up the back-end of a dead chicken; can you really blame me?” Merlin’s grin was genuine, and Arthur laughed.

“Fair point.” He swallowed again. “So, about this dragon egg…”

Merlin explained about the man who came to Gaius – the one Gaius didn’t trust, which Arthur did not find reassuring.

“I can’t just allow some criminal access to the vaults,” Arthur said. “And who knows what he plans to do afterwards?”

“I’ll be there to keep an eye on him!” Merlin argued. “I’ll make sure we only take the key. I _need_ to find that egg, Arthur.”

The look Merlin gave him was so pleading, Arthur wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him everything would be okay. Then he remembered that he _could._

He stood from his chair and rounded the table. Merlin’s hand was in his before he even made it all the way to him, and Arthur wrapped his other arm around his waist, pulling him close. He revelled in the feel of Merlin, the closeness they were now permitted to share in private.

“Swear that me that no one will be put in harm’s way? And that you won’t let this man rob me blind?”

Merlin’s smile could have lit up an entire banquet hall. “Thank you, Arthur. I promise.”

He pressed his lips to Arthur before he had a chance to do it first, both of them melding together and wrapping around each other. When they pulled away, they stared at each other in breathless awe.

“I keep having to remind myself that I can do that.”

“Me, too.” Merlin kissed Arthur’s cheek. “But I’m sure we'll get used to it, don’t you think?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to kissing you,” Arthur confessed, “but I look forward to spending all my days trying.”

*

“I’ll admit, that didn’t go entirely according to plan,” Merlin said.

“Oh, _really_?” Arthur snapped. “Getting double crossed and knocked ‘round the head not part of your plan, was it?”

Merlin rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Not exactly.”

“Calm down, princess,” Gwaine said, leaning casually against the wall like there was nothing unusual about this situation. “We’ll find the man, get the thing and save the day.”

You really had to admire Gwaine’s uncomplicated optimism.

*

The knights and Merlin rode into the abandoned campsite. Arthur checked the ashes leftover from the fire. “It’s still warm.”

“He can’t have had more than a few hours’ lead on us,” Elyan said, and they set off again, until Arthur announced it was too dark for them to keep going.

“But we’re so close to him!” Merlin argued.

“I know what this means to you,” Arthur said, “but unless you can see in the dark, Merlin, there’s not much else we can do.”

Merlin knew he was right, but that knowledge wasn’t much comfort. He couldn’t imagine what might become of the dragon’s egg if Borden got his hands on it, and he didn’t want to. He wanted the egg safe, he wanted to assure Kilgharrah that he wouldn’t be the last of his kind. The two of them had their differences, but none of them wanted to watch the end of his noble breed.

He was still brooding over their nightly delay later, even after the knights tried to cheer him up with their ridiculous “no food for Merlin” game.

“You’re prettier when you smile,” Gwaine said. Merlin looked up; he hadn’t noticed anyone else still awake, but Gwaine sat on his bedroll, staring at him.

“Does that horrendous line ever work on your conquests?” Merlin teased.

“You know what I mean.” Gwaine stood up and joined Merlin beside the fire so they wouldn’t wake anyone up. “You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind. This quest, it seems…personal. Anything magical I should know about?”

Merlin hesitated. It was still so new, having all these important people in his life know a secret he was supposed to protect at all cost. Even though Uther wasn’t around to persecute sorcerers anymore, things were by no means safe. Not until Arthur managed to lift the ban on magic, and he was going to have a hard fight ahead of him. Hatred and fear ran deep in many people besides Uther.

“You can trust me, Merlin,” Gwaine said carefully. “You know that, right?”

Merlin smiled. “I know, my friend. It’s just…It is difficult to shake a lifetime of secret keeping.”

Gwaine considered this for a moment, and nodded. “Aye. I can imagine.”

“There is something… _magical_ , though,” Merlin whispered, and proceeded to tell Gwaine about the dragon’s egg, and his position as the last dragonlord, in the most hushed tones he could manage. Once he finished, Gwaine stared at him for a long time.

“It’s incredible,” he said, awed. “The burdens you carry, Merlin. If I didn’t know you so well, I would say it’s unbelievable.”

“At least he doesn’t have to carry those burdens alone anymore,” came a quiet voice from beside them. Merlin hadn’t heard anyone move, and was surprised to find Arthur sitting upright, looking at him with that gentle expression that he rarely gave anyone else.

It warmed Merlin’s heart and made him smile. His soul was so full of affection that he could only nod back at Arthur, who smiled softly before lying back down on his roll to sleep.

“Indeed,” Gwaine muttered. “I doubt you’ll ever be alone in your burdens again, if our King has any say in the matter.”

*

“Where are you going?” Arthur asked. “We don’t even know which way he went.”

“He’s heading east.” Merlin sounded very confident.

“How do you know that?”

Merlin scratched the back of his neck. “Because I can sense it?”

Arthur was fairly good at recognising when Merlin was lying by now – this was most certainly a fib for the benefit of the knights. Which was ridiculous, because Arthur suspected they all knew about his magic by now, but he probably wouldn’t get the truth until they got a moment alone. Well, if they were putting on a show, two could play that game. “Sense is not a word I associate with you, Merlin.”

“Hang on!” Elyan called from beside them, inspecting something that looked remarkably like horse dung on the ground. “He’s right. Well done, Merlin.”

Merlin turned to give Arthur a spectacularly mocking grin. “You ever heard of the word _sorry_?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. He would get the truth out of Merlin later, but until then… “No, is that another word you made up?”

*

Borden had knocked out Arthur and all the knights. He would think he’d knocked out Merlin, too – that gave the sorcerer an advantage.

_Good_ , Merlin thought, after he’d muttered a spell to ensure his friends would awake safely soon enough. He was done holding back with this scoundrel.

*

Merlin glared at Borden, letting the power burn behind his eyes in that way he so rarely allowed. “I am the last dragonlord,” Merlin declared, and had the joy of watching Borden’s smug face fall in shock. “And I am warning you…Leave this egg alone.”

Borden did not make the right choice, and Merlin did not feel guilty when he left the man unconscious as the building collapsed over him. Merlin ran with the egg safely in his arms, dodging falling stones until he made it out. Despite his hammering heart, Merlin couldn’t help a smile of relief when he saw the knights and the king come running up to him in the forest.

“What the hell happened?” Arthur asked, eyes searching Merlin up and down for damage.

“The tomb is a trap,” Merlin said. “Borden set it off. He never got out.”

“What about the egg?”

Merlin’s grin widened and he turned to reveal the precious, priceless treasure cradled against his chest. Arthur’s eyes widened, and the other knights gathered around, too. All of them stared with open mouths, sounds of admiration and awe escaping them.

“Bloody hell, Merlin,” Gwaine exclaimed. “You weren’t joking.”

“This is incredible,” Leon breathed reverently.

“It really is,” Arthur said, and Merlin looked up to find Arthur’s gaze fixed firmly on Merlin, as spellbound as the knights looking at the dragon egg.

*

“You should have seen it, Arthur.” Merlin was beaming as he prepared Arthur’s bed for the night. “She was so beautiful, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Arthur watched him with rapt attention, marvelling at how Merlin’s eyes lit up with excitement, how his movements radiated pride and confidence in a way they never did before. Had he really been downplaying himself _that_ much? Did he even realise how different he looked now that he had nothing to hide from Arthur?

“You’re beautiful,” Arthur said before he could stop himself. He had cut Merlin off from something he said, but Merlin smiled like he didn’t mind in the least.

“A compliment from the King,” Merlin teased. “High praise, indeed.”

Arthur fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Spend the night with me. Please.”

Merlin blinked, looking stunned for a long moment until a shy smile appeared on his lips. “You sure you want me to?”

Arthur walked towards him, slowly, drinking in the sight. “I just want to sleep with you next to me,” he said gently. “I want to wake up to you in the morning.” He reached Merlin and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close. “Please. Stay?”

Merlin placed a hand on Arthur’s neck and pulled him close for a soft, sweet kiss.

“Of course I’ll stay, you clotpole.” He grinned. “I wager your bed is ten times more comfortable than mine, anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️
> 
> You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘


	4. S4E5 – His Father’s Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain chosen scenes from episode 5, series 4 of BBC Merlin - His Father’s Son.
> 
> Arthur is forced to make a difficult decision, which puts Camelot on the edge of a war.

To Merlin’s dismay, when he brought a cup of water to Arthur that morning, he still had a look of serious contemplation – he was still considering taking Agravaine’s advice. Merlin approached carefully, aware that there were too many people around the campsite.

“Arthur?” he asked. “Arthur, here.”

Arthur startled a little at the sound, but he took the cup and drank. “Thank you.”

“You must be cold,” Merlin noted, kneeling beside the fire. Subtly, he whispered a spell to put extra heat into the dying flames. “Have you not slept at all?”

“Been thinking.”

“About what Agravaine said?” Merlin asked. The King nodded. “So, what are you going to do?”

Arthur was silent for a while, far away –he wasn’t even looking at Merlin. “In many respects, my father was a good king, but I don’t have his wisdom or his conviction,” Arthur said, and Merlin wanted to scream and shout until the self-doubt was frightened out of Arthur. It didn't belong there. “I can only follow his example and do what he would’ve done in a case like this.”

Merlin knew there were only a handful of situations where Arthur would _want_ to follow Uther’s example. He wished he believed in himself enough for there to be none.

“You’re going to draw up this treaty?” Merlin asked carefully.

“I have to show my strength.” Arthur sounded so tired. “Show that I’m worthy of my father’s name.”

Agravaine’s words had really done a number on him, hadn’t they? “Caerleon won’t sign it,” Merlin said. “You know that.”

“Caerleon brought this upon himself,” Arthur replied, but Merlin knew he didn’t truly believe that. He just needed to trust himself.

“Arthur. You’ve always shown mercy in battle. You’ve never sought to humiliate your enemy in this way. This isn’t like you. This isn’t who you are.”

“These are decisions that will shape the future of this land, Merlin,” Arthur said, trying to hide the despair in his voice behind frustration. “There is too much at stake.”

“Arthur…” Merlin wanted to remind Arthur that he was more and better than he believed he was. He didn’t need his uncle to tell him how to rule. But Arthur’s shoulders were slumped, he looked like the slightest tension would cause him to snap, and Merlin didn’t want to make this harder for him than it was.

Subtly, glancing around to make certain no one was looking, Merlin put his hand over Arthur’s on the ground and applied slight pressure, trying to offer some small reassurance.

Arthur let out a breath, turned his hand over to squeeze Merlin’s in return, and then he got up and left, to process his thoughts alone.

*

Merlin watched the scene unfold just like they all knew it would; King Caerleon was never going to accept the offer Arthur presented to him. The older man was as stubborn as any Merlin had ever seen.

He tore himself away from Percival, flung to his knees before Arthur and leered up at him with contempt. “Then make it quick!”

“Think what you’re doing, Caerleon,” Arthur said. Merlin could hear how much he didn’t want this. “This treaty could seal a truce between us. There would be peace. Like there was between your father and mine.”

“I am not my father,” Caerleon hissed. “And you are not Uther! Do you really have the guts to kill me?”

Stubborn, prideful fool; it was like he wanted to die. 

Arthur and the other king stared at each other, one on his knees and one with the look of someone wishing he didn’t find himself in this situation.

“You leave me no choice.”

“You do not choose anything, boy,” Caerleon barked. “It is I who choose to die, and I alone. Now, get on with it.”

Caerleon bowed his head, exposing his neck. Merlin felt as though he was going to be sick. Walking into death out of pure stubbornness. What a waste of life.

Arthur hesitated, just long enough that Merlin thought perhaps he would change his mind, make another decision.

“So be it,” Arthur said, making Merlin’s stomach drop. He glanced towards Agravaine, who wore an ugly smirk on his face. Merlin wanted to blast him to pieces right there. Twisting Arthur’s insecurities for his own purposes. It was disgusting, and made all the more painful to watch by the knowledge that Arthur was so desperate for family that he couldn’t see his uncle for who he really was.

Merlin shook his head and looked away, not needing to watch the moment the sword came down on Caerleon.

*

“Why are you putting on your cloak?” Merlin asked. He was preparing Arthur’s bed, and he hadn’t said anything since they returned to Camelot. They both seemed afraid of beginning the conversation. “It’s late; you should get some sleep before we set out into the wilderness again tomorrow.”

“I–” Arthur started, but stopped. He sighed, slipped the cloak back off his shoulders and looked at Merlin. “Do you know, I was just about to lie to you? As though nothing has changed. I suppose I’m still not accustomed to the idea that everything is different.”

“You stopped yourself,” Merlin said. “That’s what matters. So are you going to tell me?”

“I was going to see Gwen. I’ve always done that when…When I was too afraid of being vulnerable with _you_ , it was safe with Gwen.”

“What would you have talked to Gwen about, if you had gone there tonight?”

“About what happened today.” Arthur swallowed, looking down at his hands. “I would have talked about how much I hated to let you down.”

Merlin was silent for a moment, considering. “I’m certain Gwen would have told you exactly what I’m about to.” He crossed the room to Arthur, taking the cloak from the king’s hands and folding it over a chair. “You have an entire kingdom on your shoulders, and you will always have to make unpleasant decisions, but you will never let me down. You are a good man, with a good heart. I just wish you had the same faith in yourself that I do. As long as you are true to your heart, your decisions will never be wrong.”

“So you _do_ think I made the wrong decision,” Arthur said in a low voice.

Merlin stood close and rested a hand on Arthur’s chest. He felt his heartbeat beneath the shirt. “I understand why you made it.”

Arthur was quiet, looking down at Merlin’s hands. Merlin wished there was something he could say or do that would make this situation easier for them both. Telling Arthur his thoughts about Agravaine wouldn’t do any good.

“I hate feeling uncertain,” Arthur admitted after a while, still avoiding Merlin’s eyes. “Kings should not be uncertain in their decisions. It seems…weak.”

“Arthur, if you weren’t feeling uncertain and conflicted, I would be worried.” Merlin lifted one hand to Arthur’s chin, tilting it up to meet his gaze. “No one should make choices like this lightly. Considering alternatives, looking at different perspectives, that isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of wisdom.”

Arthur looked at him, and instead of replying, he leaned forward and kissed Merlin softly, putting his hand on Merlin’s neck. Merlin didn’t resist the kiss, melting into Arthur’s lips and surrendering to the moment.

“No more talking, please,” Arthur murmured. “I don’t want to think about this anymore tonight. Alright?”

Merlin smiled. “Happy to oblige, sire.”

*

Queen Annis declared war.

Merlin hadn’t been surprised, but it came as a blow to Arthur. Merlin decided to give the King some space when the knights camped that night near the would-be battlefield. His friends were their usual cheerful selves, as if they weren’t all facing potential death. The knights laughed and poking fun at each other like it was any other night, which made Merlin both happy and sad.

Merlin extracted himself from Leon’s hand tussling his hair as the knights made light-hearted jokes on his expense. Merlin didn’t quite hear them anymore, because he glanced in the direction of Arthur’s tent and found the king standing in the flap door, observing the knights and their camaraderie.

Their friends noticed Merlin’s sudden silence, and followed his gaze. Arthur cleared his throat, evidentially not having expected to be caught staring.

“We should all get some sleep,” he said simply, and retreated into the tent.

“Is he all right?” Gwaine asked, directing the question at Merlin.

Merlin sighed. “He’s our king. If anything were to happen to any of us, he’ll hold himself responsible.”

He wasn’t sure what else to say. He knew Arthur had been beating himself up since the moment he heard the news about the approaching army. The knights all looked at each other as they took in Merlin’s words. Merlin got to his feet.

“I’ll leave you all to yourselves. I have an armour to clean.” He nodded to Gwaine and headed for Arthur’s tent, where he got to work silently, leaving Arthur seated at his desk, lost in his own thoughts.

*

Arthur had barely noticed Merlin’s presence in the tent, working on his battle armour, until the sound of several footsteps made him look up from his desk. Elyan led the way as his closest knights all filtered into the tent, stopping before him.

“Elyan?” Arthur asked.

“Sire.” Elyan exchanged a look with the others. Gwaine and Leon looked a little uncomfortable, but Percival and Elyan seemed only determined. The space where Lancelot should be standing, equally determined amongst them, still stung.

“Well?”

“We just wanted you to know,” Elyan said, “there isn’t a man among us who would not die for you. We made our pledge, and we wear the Pendragon crest with pride.”

Arthur’s heart swelled in his chest. He noticed Merlin behind the knights, looking on with that knowing expression.

“Tomorrow,” Elyan continued, “we fight in your name, sire. For freedom and justice in this land.”

Arthur swallowed. “Thank you, Elyan.” He met the eyes of each of the other knights. “Thank you all.”

His knights nodded and left the tent without further words. Arthur stared after them, unsure how to react to such a pledge.

“They mean it, you know,” Merlin said. “Every word.”

“I’ve never once questioned their loyalty. I do wonder if I deserve it.”

“No one could care more for their men than you do. To send them into battle is not a decision that you would make lightly, and they know that.”

Arthur finally looked at Merlin. He still stood by the armour, back straight and hands folded behind him in typical servant pose. Arthur wished Merlin would just be himself in this moment, not his servant, but he hadn’t quite learned how to ask that.

“If there was any other way out of this situation, you would take it.” Merlin sounded so certain. “But you must defend Camelot. You have no choice.”

“Does it ever get exhausting, having such endless faith in me?” Arthur asked. “I _had_ a choice…to let Caerleon live or die. I made the wrong decision. And now I’ve brought this war upon Camelot myself.”

Merlin knew this better than anyone, he had tried to talk Arthur out of killing Caerleon from the beginning. Merlin had seen the right choice and Arthur hadn’t listened.

Yet, Merlin still looked at him with all the confidence in the world. “Arthur, no one is prepared to sacrifice more for the sake of this kingdom than you. Your decision was made in the best interest of Camelot.”

“Maybe. Now my men must pay for it with their lives.”

They were both silent for a long moment, then Arthur couldn’t take the distance between them anymore.

“Why are you standing all the way over there?” he asked. “I’m not _just_ your king, you know.”

By Merlin’s sweet smile, he needed no further invitation. He crossed the tent floor and circled the desk, seating himself on Arthur’s lap with arms wrapped around Arthur’s neck. He looked at Arthur fondly.

“I just wanted to give you space to process your thoughts, sire.”

“You know I don’t like you calling me that.”

“Arthur,” Merlin murmured. The King's stomach did strange things when Merlin said his name like that. “Can’t you tell that every time I call you sire, I’m saying I love you?”

Arthur smiled. “What about when you call me _my lord_?”

“Then I’m calling you an ass.” Merlin grinned. “But I’m being respectful about it.”

Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle. “In that case, I’ll accept the occasional _sire_. But my preference is Arthur.” He pressed a kiss to Merlin’s temple. “I like hearing my name on your lips. It reminds me that we’re not hiding from each other anymore.”

“That doesn’t seem fair. You were always allowed to call me Merlin. Why shouldn’t I get a special name?”

Arthur considered. “Didn’t you say the Druids call you Emrys?”

“Oh, you definitely won’t be calling me that."

“Why not?”

“Everyone who calls me that always have this look of…awe about them. Like they expect me to be larger than life, some powerful saviour. It makes the whole destiny thing a bit too unpleasant.”

“Merlin,” Arthur said. “You _are_ powerful. Why shouldn’t those who know that address you with awe?”

Merlin made a face. “Not all of us have grown up being pampered and admired. It doesn’t come naturally for me, it makes me feel strange, like I’m pretending to be something I’m not. Like I’m somehow fooling people into seeing me as more than I am.”

“You have spent all your life making people see you as _less_ than you are,” Arthur pointed out, perhaps a little too harshly. “You deserve more than that. You deserve to be respected and admired for who you are and what you can do.”

Merlin looked down, not meeting Arthur’s gaze. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable with that,” he said lowly. Arthur could tell that he truly wasn’t at ease with this topic, and while it hurt him that Merlin couldn’t take praise for the incredible being he was, Arthur wouldn’t press it. The last thing he wanted was to make Merlin uncomfortable.

“It’s alright,” Arthur said gently, kissing his temple again, feeling Merlin’s wild hair tickling the side of his face. “You will just have to be happy with me calling you Merlin. Unless you want me to start calling you _darling_.”

Merlin smiled. “That might be a little difficult in public.”

“You’re right. _Merlin_ it is.” Arthur smiled back at him. “It’s my favourite name in all of Camelot, after all.”

Merlin’s ears turned red. “Then I suppose I can live with it.”

*

Arthur stood before Queen Annis in her tent. He knew this was a risk, but it was one he had to take, for his people. If the Queen accepted his offer of trial by combat, he could protect the knights his foolish choices had put here. “There’s been bloodshed enough already, Your Highness. Many hundreds of lives will be saved this way.”

To his relief, Annis nodded for her men to release Arthur. “And your terms?” she asked.

“If my man wins, you must withdraw your army.”

“And if mine is the victor?”

“Then half of Camelot is yours.” The words hurt to say, but Arthur knew it was the only right thing to do, and the only way to convince Annis to agree. He had a feeling she was just about to, when a guard stormed into the tent and threw a shape that looked an awful lot like Merlin onto his knees on the floor.

Arthur stared, torn between fury and fear. He hoped perhaps he was hallucinating, but then Merlin looked up at him sheepishly. “Sorry about this.”

“You know him?” Queen Annis asked. She sounded even more suspicious now. What the hell was Merlin thinking?

It took Arthur a moment to recall how to form words. “He’s my servant, he must’ve followed me here.” He faced Annis. “I–I knew nothing about it.”

The Queen barely spared Merlin a glance. “Kill him.”

“Wait!” Arthur said. “Please. Let him go. He’s just…” _My world. My love. My heart._ “… a simpleminded fool.”

Queen Annis looked at him sharply. “That is two favours you’ve asked of me this night, Arthur Pendragon." She turned and sat on her makeshift throne, considering Merlin and Arthur both. Arthur hoped he didn’t betray the tension he felt as he awaited her decision.

“Very well,” she declared after an eternity. “You shall have your trial by combat. Announce your champion by noon tomorrow.”

Arthur could collapse in relief, but instead he held himself together and bowed to the queen. “Thank you, Your Highness.”

Her gaze remained sharp and cold. “And take your fool with you.”

Arthur nodded, yanked Merlin to his feet and hurried them both out of the tent. He walked fast enough for Merlin to be slipping behind as he tried to keep the pace, but Arthur didn’t slow them down until they were well out of earshot of Annis’s camp.

“Simpleminded fool?” Merlin asked once Arthur stopped.

“Oh, I was being kind, believe me,” Arthur said. Removed from the situation, his anger and fear had made their way to the surface. “You almost got yourself killed in there! Me, too, as a matter of fact!”

“Me?” Merlin snapped back, evidentially just as upset. “You seem to be doing a pretty good job of that yourself.”

“What is wrong with you? Arthur shouted. “Why would you risk following me?”

“Because I care! This is what I do, I was looking out for you!”

Arthur took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “I appreciate that you’re only trying to help. But _please_ , don’t do it again. What do you think would have happened if Annis had you killed before I could stop her? Do you have any idea what that would do to me?”

Merlin’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry. But that happens to be why I followed you. I can’t just stand back when you’re putting yourself in danger.”

“Are we just going to continue driving each other mad with worry?” Arthur wasn’t sure if he should scream or laugh.

“Either that, or we both stop putting ourselves in dangerous situations.” Merlin smirked. “And we both know the likelihood of that.”

Arthur was powerless to resist that mischievous look of Merlin’s. “I suppose we both knew what we were getting into.”

“We did.” Merlin held his hand out. Arthur took it and allowed Merlin to raise it to his lips where he planted a gentle kiss to Arthur’s fingers. “I have no regrets.”

“Neither do I,” Arthur agreed. “But in future, if you insist on following me into dangerous situations, will you at least do a better job of hiding?”

Merlin chuckled quietly. “I’ll do my best, sire.”

*

The reality of the situation didn’t truly dawn on Merlin until he helped Arthur on with his armour the morning of the fight. Nerves he couldn’t quite keep in check made his hands clumsy.

“Not too tight, Merlin. You don’t want to kill me before I’ve even started.”

Merlin knew Arthur was trying to keep the mood light, but when he forced himself to laugh, it sounded false even to himself. “Sorry.”

Arthur looked at Merlin for a moment, and then he removed his left glove and took off his ring. He turned to Merlin and held it up. Merlin sucked in a breath, staring at it.

“If this day should prove to be my last, I want you to have this.”

“Arthur–”

“And know that I’m sorry.” Arthur placed the ring in Merlin’s hand and put his glove back on. He held Merlin’s gaze, and Merlin swallowed, fighting to keep hold of the stupid tears that wanted to spill. His fist closed around Arthur’s ring, feeling it dig into his skin.

“Arthur, do you really think this is worth the risk?” he asked. “You’re king now. Camelot needs you. Alive.”

Arthur inhaled deeply. “I don’t know what will happen. But for the first time since I became king, I know in my heart I’ve made the right decision.” Arthur smiled slightly. “You’re the one who told me to listen to my heart, remember? You were right.”

Merlin forced himself to swallow through the hurt. _Everything_ hurt at the moment. He squeezed the ring a little tighter. “Well, whatever happens out there…erm…” He couldn’t find the right words. None seemed big enough.

“You’re not about to start crying on me, are you?” Arthur asked, trying to lighten the mood again. Trying to make this easier for Merlin. Maybe even for himself.

“No,” Merlin lied. “Just, er…Good luck."

Arthur smiled at that, and it looked real enough that Merlin was able to smile back. “Thank you,” Arthur said. He hesitated for a moment, then moved quickly, pulling Merlin into an embrace. He clung to Merlin, and Merlin clung to him, and neither of them wanted to let go but knew they had to eventually.

The sound of the tent opening startled them apart, and there was Agravaine. A chill went down Merlin’s spine. Had he seen them embrace?

“It’s time, my lord.” Agravaine gave no indication that he found the situation unusual. That could easily be an act, though.

“Very well,” Arthur said, but he didn’t move.

“Is all in readiness?” Agravaine asked after a moment.

Arthur looked at Merlin. “Well, Merlin?”

He held out his arms as if for Merlin to inspect his armor. Merlin swallowed against the tears again, heart thundering. Arthur knew Merlin wasn’t ready. He was gifting him just a few more seconds, and Merlin loved him even more for it.

Merlin took a deep breath, and nodded. “Ready.”

Arthur drew his sword. “Right, then." Agravaine left the tent, and before Arthur could follow, Merlin threw his arms around his neck and pressed an urgent, desperate kiss against his lips.

“You’re winning this,” he whispered fiercely. “Do you understand?”

Arthur smiled. “Is that an order?”

The King kissed Merlin gently one more time, and then he followed Agravaine outside, leaving Merlin alone, clinging desperately to the ring in his hand.

*

Something wasn’t right.

Arthur’s sword had dropped to the ground, and he was grasping at it as if it was too heavy to lift. Merlin’s senses took over and he scanned the area around where Queen Annis stood far below.

There was a shape next to her that his magic recognized even if his eyes couldn’t fully make her out.

Morgana.

Merlin started to panic as he watched Queen Annis’s champion – a man even larger than Percival – going after a swordless Arthur. Arthur abandoned his sword and fought the giant hand-to-hand. He did well, but he was hurt and the other man still had his weapon. He swung it to strike, and Merlin had frozen the giant in place with his magic before he was even aware of it. Arthur took advantage of the opening and knocked his opponent to the ground.

Damn, the other man was both strong and furious, and he came after Arthur with renewed vigor. The giant managed to gain the upper hand, he knocked Arthur over and aimed his sword towards him. He raised it over his head.

Merlin’s heart nearly stopped as he whispered a spell under his breath.

The giant’s sword fell to the ground behind him.

Arthur wasted no time, rolling up behind him, he took the sword and sliced at his opponent’s back. The giant fell to his knees and Arthur kicked him down.

He held up the giant’s dropped sword, but then he paused.

Arthur turned his head up towards where Merlin and the knights stood on the ridge. Even from this far away, Merlin could feel it Arthur’s eyes found him. For one moment, it felt like they were the only two people there as everything around them went silent.

Arthur looked back down at his enemy, and he ran the sword into the ground next to his head.

He’d spared the other man’s life.

The world rushed back into existence as the army around Merlin burst into cheers. Percival’s voice rang out beside him. “Long live the King!”

The other knights echoed his cheer. “Long live the King!”

The entire army joined them, their pride in Arthur so loud and clear that it made the very air vibrate. Merlin spotted Agravaine in the crowd. He was silent, and if Merlin wasn’t mistaken, he looked anything but proud. On the contrary, he looked rather disappointed.

*

Merlin knew better than to get in the way of knights celebrating a victory, so he waited in Arthur’s tent, pacing back and forth and back and forth for what felt like hours until finally, _finally_ , the tent door opened and in walked Arthur.

They were in each other’s arms in the space between heartbeats, and then Merlin was removing Arthur’s armor, inspecting every part of him for injuries more severe than bruising and scrapes. Once he was satisfied that Arthur was more or less intact, his arms surrounded him again, and he clung to Arthur, inhaling his scent, delighting in the sound of his breath and the feel of his heartbeat, the sensation of Arthur’s hands rubbing up and down Merlin’s back.

“I’m here,” Arthur murmured into Merlin’s hair. “I’m here, I came back, it’s okay.”

Merlin hadn’t noticed until then that he was shaking. The realization just made him cling to Arthur even harder, and despite his bruises, Arthur didn’t protest or even flinch.

“I’m right here,” Arthur kept whispering as his hands moved reassuringly against Merlin’s back, through his hair. Merlin leaned into every touch.

“Morgana enchanted your sword somehow,” Merlin finally managed to say. “I should have been prepared for her but I wasn’t, she caught me by surprise and you nearly–”

“Shh, Merlin, stop,” Arthur said. “Breathe. I’m alright. She failed. You saved my life, remember? I know you did something to that hulk of a man. I felt you there on the battlefield with me.”

Merlin forced his fingers to stop clutching at Arthur and he leaned back to look up into his beautiful, regal face and his shining, blue eyes. Arthur took Merlin’s face lovingly between his hands, like Merlin was something fragile and precious.

“You told me to win, and I won. Alright?”

Merlin stared at Arthur for a few heartbeats before he was finally able to nod. Arthur smiled, and it was like staring at the sun.

“Good,” he said, and leaned his forehead against Merlin’s. “Don’t ever forget that you’re the one person in Camelot who can give the King an order and expect it to be obeyed.”

*

“You’re a hero,” Merlin said as they rode through the main square in Camelot, finally back home.

“Thank you.” Arthur was already wary of the tone in Merlin’s voice.

“Not to me,” Merlin said, and Arthur knew the teasing note wasn’t his imagination. “To your people.”

The smugness in his voice made Arthur grin – Merlin was finally back to himself. “Right, you think different?”

“Maybe I know something they don’t.”

“Which is?” Arthur’s cheeks neatly hurt from smiling.

“You know, that you’re a cabbage head.”

Arthur burst out laughing. “Maybe,” he agreed. “I should’ve listened to you, Merlin. Just this once, I think you were right.” Two could play this game. “Even if you are the worst servant in the five kingdoms.”

Merlin laughed and looked over his shoulder at Arthur. Their eyes locked, and Arthur wondered how he’d ever thought he knew what happiness felt like before this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️
> 
> You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘


	5. S4E6 – A Servant of Two Masters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episode 6, series 4 of BBC Merlin - A Servant of Two Masters.
> 
> Arthur thinks he's lost Merlin, but thankfully he gets him back - except there is something very wrong with him.

“Nothing good ever happens in the Valley of the Fallen Kings,” Merlin told the group. “No one in their right mind would go in there.”

“Exactly,” Percival said.

“The route’s a secret, Merlin,” Arthur added. “That’s why we chose it.”

As if on cue,that is when the bandits attacked.

When were these fools going to start listening to Merlin?

The bandits were surprisingly strong, giving the knights a hell of a fight. They all fought tooth and nail, entirely focused on the battle. Merlin’s heart went to his throat when he saw a horseman charging at Arthur from behind him. One spell and the horseman fell off his horse and was dragged behind it. As Arthur finished the man off, Merlin turned just in time to see the mace swinging against his own chest.

He barely had time to register a tearing, burning pain before the world started swimming before his eyes.

*

Arthur supported Merlin’s weight the best he could as they moved through the forest. They had been separated from the other knights, and Arthur was certain that the people still perusing them were mercenaries of some sort. Bandits would have given up the chase by now.

Arthur pulled Merlin behind some upturned tree roots and crouched down as their hunters rushed by.

“They need to work through their anger,” Merlin grunted.

“They just did, on you,” Arthur pointed out. Merlin chuckled, his face pained. Dammit, Arthur needed to get him to Gaius, now.

Darkness seemed to come much too soon. Arthur found a spot for them to camp and lowered Merlin down against a fallen log as gently as possible.

“A night’s rest and you’ll be polishing my armor,” he said, trying to keep himself sane and Merlin awake. “It could definitely do with a scrub.”

Bracing himself, Arthur inspected the wound on Merlin’s chest. He tried to keep the horror off his face as he took in the red and black mess.

“I’ve seen worse,” he tried. “I’ve definitely seen worse.”

“On a dead man,” Merlin said with a stupid smile on his face.

“You’re not going to die, Merlin,” Arthur insisted. “Don’t be such a coward.”

“If I do die, will you call me a hero?”

“Probably,” Arthur admitted. He just needed to keep Merlin speaking. He couldn’t let him sleep yet, he couldn’t sit here wondering if he was going to wake up.

“But whilst I’m still alive, I’m a coward?”

“That’s the way these things work, I’m afraid. You get the glory when you’re not around to appreciate it.”

“Well,” Merlin said, “unless you’re the King.”

“Come on, it’s got to have some advantages.”

“You have a very good servant,” Merlin said, trying to keep his smile up, but the pain was evident in his eyes. Arthur’s heart ached.

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I do. A servant who’s extremely brave, and incredibly loyal, to be honest. Not at all cowardly.”

They looked at each other, love flowing between them so strongly Arthur thought it might be enough to heal Merlin’s wound.

“Thank you for saving my life,” Merlin said.

“You’ve done the same for me,” Arthur said. “Can you heal yourself?”

Merlin shook his head. “Tried. Doesn’t always work too well on non-magical wounds.”

Arthur had been afraid of that, but he tried not to let his concern show. “Then you should try to get some rest.”

“Arthur?”

“Yes?”

“Would you…” Merlin trailed off and looked at the spot next to him on the ground. Arthur didn’t need more than that.

“Of course.” He sat down next to Merlin, pressed closely up against him. Careful to avoid the wound, he put his arms around Merlin and pressed a kiss into his hair. “I’ve got you,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

*

Arthur awoke to the sound of birds singing, and for a brief moment he nearly forgot about the situation they were in. Then he heard the cracking of twigs and birds taking flight. He sat up and looked at Merlin, still leaning against him. He was too warm, and his face was twisted in a mask of pain.

Arthur carefully eased himself up without jostling Merlin too much, and sheathed his sword. “I’d love to say we can stay here and rest,” he said, “but another ten minutes and we’ll be mercenary mincemeat.”

He pulled Merlin to his shaking feet before lifting him into his arms, over his shoulder. He did his best to be gentle, but speed was of the essence.

“Leave me here,” Merlin groaned.

Arthur scoffed. “Now’s not the time for jokes.”

“Please leave me.”

_Stupid, self-sacrificing Merlin._ “Sure, whatever you say,” Arthur said, and started moving as fast as he could with Merlin slung over him.

He managed to carry Merlin for a while until he spotted the mercenaries, much too close for comfort. Arthur lowered Merlin to the ground, flinching at the grunt of pain he made. Arthur drew his sword. He had to protect Merlin at all costs.

He fought the mercenaries, but there were many more than he expected. Just as he finished two of them, another large group came running towards him, passing Merlin and going straight for the biggest threat.

Arthur was ready, sword in hand, when he heard the familiar language of Merlin’s magic. He watched in horror as bounders started falling into the crevice where the mercenaries were running towards him, cutting him off from them – and from Merlin.

“Merlin!” Arthur barely recognised the sound of his own voice, twisted in horror as the stones came down, and Merlin and his glowing eyes fell back to the ground before he disappeared from view entirely.

Arthur stood alone, staring.

*

Gaius entered the council chamber where Arthur and the knights were already gathered. Arthur had insisted Gwen be present, too. She sat beside him, her presence allowing Arthur to at least put up the appearance of being in control of himself.

“Where’s Merlin?” Gaius asked.

“He’s alive,” Arthur said, in a hurry to reassure Gaius, and desperately needing to keep saying those words out loud. “Last I saw of him, he was still alive.” Arthur turned to Leon. “Dispatch patrols at first light. Scour every inch of that forest.”

“Yes, sire,” Leon acknowledged.

This room was filled with people who knew both Arthur and Merlin very well. Some of them knew what they were to each other, they knew how important this was.

They would find him, Arthur told himself. They had to.

The knights started filtering out of the room, following Leon’s lead. Arthur went to Gaius and put a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll find him, Gaius,” he said, willing it to be true, _needing_ it to be true. “We will.”

Gaius nodded and placed his hand on top of Arthur’s. “Indeed we will. Remember that.”

*

Arthur felt like he hadn’t been able to breathe for hours. His heart and lungs ached, his stomach twisted itself around. It felt like every inch of him was in pain, and the facial expressions that joined him in the council chamber that night didn't help.

Leon looked like he was already grieving a loss. Arthur could barely look at him.

“We have scoured the forest,” Agravaine said, clearly trying his best to sound sympathetic, but Arthur knew his uncle did not understand Arthur’s affection for Merlin any more than Uther would.

“Scour it again,” Arthur forced himself to say.

“Sire, there is no sign of Merlin,” Leon said. At least _his_ feelings weren’t forced.

“None,” Agravaine said, slowly approaching Arthur’s seat. “But this…”

Agravaine put something on the table in front of Arthur. He stared at it for a long moment, trying to make his mind register what it was. When he did, he thought perhaps he had died, so great was the pain that spread through him, starting in his heart.

The item on the table was a scrap of fabric, covered in blood. Underneath the blood… Arthur would recognize the colour of Merlin’s jacket anywhere.

“I am sorry you’ve lost such a loyal and –”

Arthur held up his hand, cutting Agravaine off. He couldn’t stand to hear Merlin referred to as a servant right now, as if he wasn’t so much more than that. It might truly kill him.

“The mercenaries,” Arthur forced the words out of his closed throat. “What news of them?”

“We found no trace,” Leon admitted.

“Surely sent by that snake, Alinor,” Agravaine said with distain.

“It can’t be,” Arthur argued. “How? Our route was known only to a few within Camelot.”

A silence lingered over the council until Leon broke it. “Then there is only one conclusion we can draw. We have a traitor in our midst.”

Arthur knew he was right, but right at that moment, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Merlin was missing.

Merlin was missing and he might not get him back.

*

Arthur almost smiled when he saw Merlin standing at the edge of his bed the next morning. Then he remembered, and sat up so quickly his head spun.

“Who are you?” he asked the stranger, who was very much _not_ Merlin no matter how similarly they were dressed.

“I am your new manservant, sire,” the man said with absolutely no tone in his voice. “I have polished your armor, sharpened your swords, selected your clothes. There is a slight chill in the air today, sir. And now, if you would allow me, I would like to serve you breakfast.”

He said this last part as if serving Arthur breakfast was akin to serving a god. Arthur’s head spun even faster. He vaguely noted the table was covered with bread and fruit.

“What’s your name?” he managed to ask.

“George, sire, at your service.” George unfolded a napkin with unnecessary flourish and placed it on Arthur’s chest, for some reason.

“George, listen, uhm, George, this is all very impressive.” He choked on his words as George placed an extra pillow behind Arthur’s head. “Very impressive, indeed, but I already have a manservant.” The pain returned to Arthur’s heart and George handed him a goblet. “All right, he’s messy, he has appalling manners, he’s forgetful, he never listens to me no matter what the circumstances.” A plate was thrust into his other hand. “But he is _my_ manservant.” _He is so much more than that, more than I could ever describe, but you don’t deserve to know that._

George tried to hand Arthur a fork, but instead Arthur thrust the plate and cup back at the confused servant.

“To be honest, I quite like it that way,” Arthur finished, throwing his napkin at George for good measure as he clambered out of bed.

_Replacing Merlin_ , he thought. What an insulting, ridiculous thing to do.

No, he couldn’t give up hope yet. Merlin was out there somewhere, and Arthur was going to find him, even if the whole kingdom thought him mad.

*

“You’re not going to change my mind,” Arthur told Gwen before she could even start. She had found him in the courtyard, and Arthur wondered if she had told the stable boys to notify her if he requested a horse. He wouldn’t put it past her.

“I am as worried about Merlin as you are,” Gwen said, “but we don’t know if the mercenaries have even left the forest. Merlin sacrificed himself for a reason, and that was to save you. Going out there and getting yourself killed won’t help him.”

“I have to go, this isn’t a debate.”

Gwen swallowed, her voice echoing that of Leon’s when he seemed to have given up hope. “The patrol’s found no sign of him.”

“Do you really expect me to accept that?” Arthur asked. He was barely staying sane as it was. “Just sit here and take their word that Merlin’s gone? I can’t, I won’t accept that. I have to at least try.”

“I know,” Gwen said. “Believe me, the loss of the person you love isn’t something I would wish on anyone. Just… do one thing for me? Please don’t go alone.”

“Oh, he won’t be going alone.”

Arthur turned and saw Gwaine, already on his horse and ready to go. He locked eyes with Arthur, and they both nodded. Arthur felt immense gratitude. Gwaine was one of Merlin’s closest friends. He couldn’t accept that Merlin was gone any more than Arthur could. He knew he could count on Gwaine to be equally determined to find Merlin.

Arthur turned back to Gwen. “We’ll return,” he promised her, because she had already lost enough. He wasn’t about to let her lose a friend, too. Not himself, and not Merlin.

“You better,” Gwen said. She took his hand and squeezed it. “Find him.”

Arthur nodded, and mounted his horse. He would find Merlin, because there was no chance that he was losing him now that they had finally found each other.

*

“You know what I like about Merlin?” Gwaine said into the silence. “He never expects any praise. All these things he does just for the good of doing them.”

Arthur couldn’t help a smile. Sometimes, Gwaine’s ramblings were quite welcome.

Suddenly, all his senses stood on edge. They were not alone in this forest.

He gestured for them to stop, and they both dismounted and drew their swords. Arthur scanned their surroundings thoroughly. Someone was there.

“Declare yourself,” he shouted to the trees, and in the next moment, he couldn’t remember how to breathe, because Merlin came tripping out of the trees, covered head to tow in mud, and started laughing when he spotted Arthur and Gwaine.

Arthur’s breath returned. “Merlin!” He got rid of his sword and all but ran to Merlin, needing to convince himself he was real. “I thought we’d lost you!”

When his hand touched Merlin and he could _feel_ him, real and solid and alive beneath his touch, Arthur found himself giddy with relief. All he could do was laugh as he wrapped his arms around Merlin, living, breathing Merlin. He didn’t care one bit that he was getting himself covered in mud. All he cared about was Merlin’s arms around him, and the feel of his heart beating in his chest.

Merlin was alive.

He hadn’t lost him.

*

Something was very wrong with Merlin.

Arthur noticed it from the moment they found him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. At first, he thought Merlin was simply shaken after whatever he’d experienced, but he didn’t seem to have any clear memory of what that was.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Arthur asked as Merlin was about to head back to Gaius’s chambers to clean himself off.

“I’m great!” Merlin replied, sounding downright chipper. “Never better!”

That definitely wasn’t right. Merlin knew Arthur would have been worried sick while he was gone. It wasn’t like him to treat this like something insignificant. Something was very wrong. Arthur decided to wait and not take any action until he was certain.

He didn’t have to wait very long. When Gwen and Gaius came to him the next day and explained that Merlin was being controlled by a snake in his neck that wanted him to kill Arthur, he wasn’t even surprised, but he was very, very angry. Morgana trying to use Merlin to do her dirty work. He could barely believe she was the same person he used to know.

After the first worm grew back, Gaius got the idea to incapacitate it so they could get Merlin back to himself, however temporary.

Arthur could see the moment _his_ Merlin was back. His eyes found Arthur right away and he was up with his arms around Arthur’s neck in an instant. Arthur breathed Merlin in and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

“You ever do anything like that again–”

“You’re never going to convince me to stop trying to save your life,” Merlin said and leaned back. He glanced around the room and spotted Gaius, who was not very subtly turning away, allowing them a moment of privacy. Merlin looked back at Arthur. “Now can someone tell me how, exactly, I got here?”

*

Merlin was stuffing his face with berries and looking much too sweet considering the seriousness of the situation. Arthur stood beside the table where Gaius and Merlin sat, listening to their conversation. He had to admit, he liked being present for this. He couldn’t imagine how many similar conversations had been kept from him in the past.

“So, you don’t remember anything?” Gaius asked.

“I remember Morgana conjuring the snake, but… Nothing more, no.” Merlin put his food aside and flipped through the book on the table between them.

“Lucky for us you’re such a bad assassin,” Gaius commented. Merlin looked from the book, to Gaius, to Arthur.

“Actually, I have a theory about that, but it’s not important right now. All is well now, I feel fine.”

“For now the serpent is dormant,” Gaius said, “and when it wakes, your mind will be Morgana’s once more and nothing will stop you from killing Arthur.”

A chill ran down Arthur’s spine at the words _your mind will be Morgana’s_.

“How do we get rid of it if it keeps growing back?” Merlin asked.

Gaius’s eyes flickered sideways at Arthur for a moment before he cleared his throat. “There’s only one way, I’m afraid. You have to kill the mother beast.”

Now Merlin glanced towards Arthur, too. “The creature that lives in Morgana’s hut? Great. How long have I got before this thing wakes up?”

“A day, no more. And I wouldn’t face her alone,” Gaius pointed out.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be there at all.” Merlin grinned. “Well, not exactly.”

“Absolutely not,” Arthur said, no longer able to stay silent. “You cannot seriously be thinking of doing what I think you’re thinking.”

Merlin’s grin didn’t fade as he snatched a potion bottle. “She won’t recognise me if I’m eighty years old.”

“Merlin!” Arthur exclaimed. “Are you out of your mind? You’re not waltzing into Morgana’s hut alone, especially not as an old man!”

“Oh, yes I am.” Merlin was already on his feet. “And no, you are not coming with me.” He pressed a quick kiss to Arthur’s cheek before he headed out the door. Arthur spluttered and looked to Gaius, hoping for assistance.

Gaius shrugged. “Welcome to my life, sire. Merlin will do what he needs to do and there is no stopping him. All we can do is wait, worry, and trust that he knows what he’s doing.”

Arthur stared at the door Merlin had disappeared through. He had spent a day believing Merlin was dead in the woods somewhere, and now this. Wait, worry and trust – he didn’t much like the first two options, but if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he trusted Merlin. That didn’t make the waiting and worrying any easier.

“I think I liked it better when you just told me he was at the tavern.”

*

“This is becoming something of a habit,” Gaius said as he extracted the Fomorroh from Merlin’s neck, hopefully for the last time.

“I hope not,” Merlin said with a laugh. He was relieved that everything was over, he didn’t even care how much his neck hurt.

“Don’t worry,” Gaius said. “It cannot grow back again.”

Just then, Gwen entered the physician’s chambers. Merlin grinned at the sight of her. “Merlin!” She returned his smile. “You’re back. Dare I look?” She indicted his head.

“Oh, it’s–don’t worry about it. It’s completely gone,” Merlin assured her. “I’ve no desire to kill Arthur.” Only a desire to do a great many other things to him to make up for scaring him.

“That’s great news,” Gwen beamed. “Although, I’m afraid now that you’re safe, he might want to kill _you._ ” Gwen took Merlin’s hand. “I’ve never seen him look so destroyed, Merlin. He thought he’d lost you. I doubt he will let go of the fact that you sacrificed yourself like that.”

Merlin swallowed. “Right. Of course.”

Arthur could get so very creative when he was feeling vindictive.

*

Arthur drummed his fingers against the armrest of his chair as he looked at Merlin standing before him.

“Boulders,” he said. “ _Dropping boulders_ with your magic, Merlin. What the hell were you thinking? You knew you could have gotten killed!”

Merlin swallowed visibly. “In my defense, I was already dying, and I saw a chance to save you. I told you, I’ll never not take that opportunity.”

Arthur rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t fire you if for no other reason than scaring the living hell out of me.”

“Besides the fact that I’m pretty?” Merlin tried to smile, but it faltered when he saw Arthur was in no mood for jokes. “Well, you’d have no one to polish your armour, make you breakfast, organise your clothes.”

Arthur perked up at that, and he could see Merlin suspected something was coming that he wouldn’t like.

“Well,” Arthur said. “That’s where you’re wrong. George!”

At the summons, George entered the room, back straight and clothes spotless.

“Merlin, meet George,” Arthur said. “George is, perhaps, the most efficient servant I’ve ever seen. He’ll be spending the rest of the week teaching you.”

Merlin looked like he wanted to kill Arthur. “Teaching me?”

“If you wish to remain in my service.”

“We will start in the armoury,” George said with what for him might be enthusiasm. “Lesson one is my favourite. Polishing!”

Arthur had to hide his mouth behind his hand to hide a grin. Merlin looked at George with all the contempt he could produce.

“Yes, that’s my favourite too,” he said, making it nearly impossible for Arthur not to burst out laughing. George nodded and jerked his chin towards the door for Merlin to follow him. Once George was out of sight, Merlin paused by the door.

“Tell me,” he said, seeing right through Arthur’s attempt to look serious. “If he’s so good, why don’t you just give him the job?”

Arthur leaned forward in his chair. “He’s seriously boring. I’ve never met anyone so dull. The man makes jokes about brass.”

Merlin glared at him, and Arthur couldn’t help but enjoy the situation much more than a King should. “Anyway, off you go,” he said cheerily. “It’ll be fun!”

Merlin smiled the most fake smile and walked out the door. He paused, and looked back. Arthur couldn’t even pretend to hold it in anymore, he was grinning like a fool. Merlin, Arthur could tell, was helpless against that smile. Merlin’s own smile turned genuine, and he shook his head in exasperation before he dutifully followed George to the armoury.

*

“I hate you,” Merlin declared as he threw himself down on Arthur’s bed that night. “I have never been more bored in my life.”

“Well, perhaps now you’ll think twice in the future before you let me think you’re dead,” Arthur said, loving Merlin’s pouting mood.

“I think George’s attempted jokes are more likely to kill me than any evil serpent Morgana tries to implant in me,” Merlin grumbled. Arthur laughed, and lay down on the bed next to Merlin, both of them on their backs on top of the covers.

“Will you tell me something, or are you too traumatised from a day’s honest work?” Arthur asked.

“Depends on the question.”

“You told Gaius earlier that you had a theory about why you were such an embarrassingly useless assassin. What’s the theory?”

Merlin propped himself up on an elbow, hand in his hair as he looked down at Arthur. “First of, you should be grateful that I was so _useless_ , or you would be king of the afterlife right now. Second, I’m not sure you deserve to know after all this harassment.”

Arthur poked Merlin in the chest. “Eye for an eye, that’s all. Come on, tell me.”

Merlin smiled shyly, glancing down at the bedding instead of meeting Arthur’s gaze. “The Fomorroh’s powers made it impossible to think of anything other than killing you,” he said, “but it was only effective as a surface desire, like when you’re really hungry or your temper flares. The need is intense, but doesn’t necessarily run deep. My theory is that even as I wanted to kill you, something inside me still felt how much I loved you, and that part was enough to sabotage myself at every turn.”

Arthur stared at him, speechless. Merlin finally looked at him and smiled. “Nothing to say?” he asked.

“No,” Arthur said, and then he was kissing Merlin, because there was nothing else he could do, no other way he could express how he felt at that moment. He moved until he was sitting on Merlin’s waist, pressing the sorcerer against the mattress. Arthur's fingers ran through Merlin's hair as they kissed each other with emotion that came from their very souls.

“You’re incredible,” Arthur breathed between kisses. “Absolutely incredible.”

“Is that a good thing?” Merlin asked, a little breathless himself.

“Depending on the time of day.” Arthur grinned, Merlin laughed, and then they were kissing again, and Arthur never wanted to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments brings air to my lungs and joy to my heart, but thanks for reading even if you don't leave those! ♥️
> 
> You can come shriek at me about multiple fandoms on tumblr @raincs and I hope you're being kind and taking care of yourself in these hard times. Did you take your meds today? 😘


	6. S4E7 – The Secret Sharer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episode 7, series 4 of BBC Merlin - The Secret Sharer.
> 
> Gaius is missing, and Arthur and Merlin do not see eye to eye on how to handle it.

A dreadful amount of light filled Arthur’s bedroom as Merlin yanked open the curtains. “Up you get!” he chirped, sounding much more cheerful than anyone had a right to so early.

“What for?” Arthur groaned. His bed was so comfortable. It seemed much more reasonable for Merlin to crawl in with him, rather than for Arthur to leave it.

“A bath,” Merlin announced.

“Where’s breakfast?”

“Say ah!”

“Ah?”

The next moment, a roll was stuffed into Arthur’s mouth. He nearly choked on the thing. “Merlin!” He removed the roll and watched Merlin fuss around over by the table.

“I set aside some practice time,” Merlin said.

“Ah, wonderful.” If he had to get up, he might as well hit something. “What for? Quarterstaff? Battle axe?”

“For your speech,” Merlin said, crushing all of Arthur’s hopes and dreams.

“To who?”

“The Guild of Harness Polishers.”

“The guild of who?” No way was that a real thing. “I don’t know anything about polishing!”

“Fortunately, I do.” Merlin held up a long scroll with a flourish. Much too long a scroll.

“That’ll take hours to learn!”

“You don’t have hours. First, you have to receive Odin’s envoy.”

“Do I have to give a speech?” Arthur groaned.

“No, but you have to listen to one.” Merlin went blissfully silent for all of three seconds. “Then you need to inspect the guards, perform a freeman’s ceremony, oh… and be a judge.”

“Preside over a trial?”

Merlin grinned an evil grin. “A garland competition.”

That was it. Arthur flopped back down onto his pillow. “Will there be any time to myself?” He pulled his covers back over himself.

“I know, it’s almost like having to work,” Merlin teased. “Come on, you don’t have time for this.”

Merlin came to the bed and grabbed hold of Arthur, trying to physically drag him out of bed. Arthur struggled against his grip, pulling the covers tightly to himself.

“No, come on,” Merlin chastised. “No, out of bed!”

Arthur made an undignified squealing noise as Merlin managed to yank both him and his covers out of bed and down on the floor.

“You’re doing very well, Arthur,” Merlin said, easily picking up on the reason for Arthur’s reluctance to get up.

“I don’t think so,” Arthur muttered against the floor.

“Everyone’s saying it.” Merlin was next to him again, pulling Arthur to his feet. “I’m serious. You’re becoming a very good king.”

Arthur smirked. “Thank you. You’re still the worst servant I’ve ever known.”

Merlin shook his head, laughing, as he handed Arthur a shirt.

A knock on the door interrupted what Arthur was sure would have been a very clever comeback. “Enter,” he said loudly.

Agravaine came into the room, looking less than pleased when he saw the bedcovers on the floor and Merlin standing closer to Arthur than he might consider appropriate.

“Good morning, my lord,” he said. “May I have a word?”

“Of course,” Arthur said.

Agravaine looked at Merlin, then Arthur. “Er, the matter I wish to discuss is a delicate one, sire. Perhaps it’d be better if we talked alone.”

Oh. Arthur had a sense this was going to be a highly unpleasant conversation.

*

Arthur stared at the floor as Gaius left the room. Agravaine sat silently until the door closed behind Gaius. Arthur’s skin crawled from the entire conversation.

“Is it really necessary to treat him like that?” he asked.

“Your life is at stake, sire. We cannot afford to be fainthearted.” Agravaine stood. “You saw with your own eyes that he was lying.”

“He’s definitely hiding something.” Arthur just wished he knew if Gaius was hiding anything more than Merlin. “We can’t be certain,” he said. “We have no proof.”

“No, you’re right, sire,” Agravaine agreed. “We do not. But I fear that if we keep investigating, we might find some.”

Arthur had trusted Gaius his whole life. He knew the physician was keeping Merlin’s secret, and he understood that. But Arthur had never suspected Gaius of hiding anything from him, had never seen any indication that he knew of Merlin’s magic. He had assumed, because of their close relationship, but he had seen no evidence of it.

Perhaps Gaius really was that good at keeping secrets. The question was, was he keeping any other secrets? Secrets that could be a threat to Camelot?

*

Arthur had no idea what to think. He stood in the physician’s chambers and looked in horror as the guards tossed Gaius’s possessions all over. Merlin stood in the corner of the room looking like he was in a nightmare. 

“My lord,” Agravaine said. “He was seen riding away from the city.

“That can’t be true,” Merlin said, his voice as hard as his gaze.

“Sire,” Sir Leon said to Agravaine – Arthur hadn’t even noticed his entry. “You were right. A white stallion has been taken from the royal stables.”

A knot tightened in Arthur’s chest. “Where would he be going? Why leave at this time of night?” Arthur could feel Merlin’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look back.

“Well, I could hazard a guess, sire,” Agravaine said, “but I think a thorough search of his belongings may well provide us with the truth.”

Arthur wished he had any idea what that truth was. Surely, surely Gaius would never truly betray him? Would he?

*

Arthur looked through the book Agravaine had put in front of him. The two of them were the only ones in the council chamber, except for Merlin, who stood straight-backed, trying to control his facial expressions, but Arthur could see the pain there.

Judging from his surprise when Agravaine presented the book, Arthur suspected this book was planted to add to the suspicion towards Gaius. Arthur truly wished he knew _who_ might have planted it.

“This was found in Gaius’s chambers?” he asked, because he couldn’t reveal to his uncle that he knew there was magic practiced in Gaius’s chambers.

“I am as disappointed as you, sire,” Agravaine said. “Someone so close, so trusted. And it’s not merely the discovery that he was a sorcerer, is it? It’s… it’s the lies.”

Arthur looked up at Agravaine, wondering how he could possibly react. He wasn’t angry with Gaius for any residual sorcery he may be practicing, but he couldn’t deny that Gaius had been hiding something when he spoke to them, and now he was inexplicably gone.

“I know it’s hard to believe, isn’t it, sire?” Agravaine continued, mistaking Arthur’s silence for shock. “But we both saw him refuse to condemn magic. We both knew he was hiding something. Neither of us want to believe it, but now, with this hasty departure in the middle of the night? These are not the actions of an innocent man, sire. There can be no doubt. Gaius is the traitor we have been searching for.”

Arthur couldn’t help it. He looked in Merlin’s direction. Merlin was glaring at Agravaine as if he wanted to set the man’s head on fire. Merlin clearly had no suspicions that Gaius may have hidden anything from them.

“I’ll send a search party as soon as possible,” Agravaine said.

“No,” Arthur replied, finally finding his voice. “What purpose will that serve? If he _is_ guilty, let him run.”

His uncle hesitated, but bowed. “As you wish, sire.”

Agravaine left the room, Merlin’s glare following his every step until the door closed behind him.

“How can you believe this?” Merlin asked as soon as they were alone. Arthur’s heart broke at Merlin’s tone, fighting to hold back his emotions.

“Why would he run if he had nothing to hide?” Arthur asked.

“He’s given his life to this kingdom,” Merlin said. “He would never betray you.”

“Then explain his actions, please, Merlin. I beg you to show me an alternative.”

“They’re lies. Gaius would never run off in the night.”

“No break-ins were reported last night,” Arthur said. “His possessions are missing. A horse has been stolen. I want to believe this means nothing, but Merlin –”

“He would not leave without saying goodbye to me.” Merlin looked away, refusing to meet Arthur’s gaze. “Agravaine has made this story up.”

Fear made Arthur’s stomach turn. Why would Merlin say something like that? “I shall ignore that last comment.”

“Because he’s your uncle, you will not see who he really is.”

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted, the word echoing back to him in the empty room. “Please, don’t. I’ve had my heart broken enough already today. I don’t want to lose another person dear to me.” Arthur pushed up from his seat. “By running, Gaius condemned himself. Unless you can show me evidence that he’s never hidden anything from me I don’t already know of, there’s no more to be said.”

Arthur left the table and walked out of the room, leaving Merlin alone to his sadness, when there was nothing Arthur wanted more than to take Merlin in his arms and reassure him.

But how could he do that, when he couldn’t be certain what was true? His confusion would only end up hurting Merlin more.

*

Merlin’s hope crumbled when he noticed Gwen entering the room.

“I thought you were him,” he admitted, turning back to the parchments he was trying to make sense of, as if they would give him answers.

Gwen put a hand on his shoulder as she sat with him on the floor.

Merlin looked at her. “Agravaine’s behind this. He’s done something to Gaius.”

Gwen didn’t look away. “Arthur told me what you said.”

Merlin swallowed against the hurt of Arthur’s doubt. “He won’t listen to me.”

“I’ll do what I can to make him see your side, but… Agravaine is his uncle,” Gwen said sadly. “He trusts him explicitly.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “And Agravaine is taking advantage of that every chance he has.”

*

When Merlin came back to Gaius’s chambers, he was surprised to find Gwaine sitting on a bench, waiting for him. Perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised; Gwaine was a good friend, after all.

“What are you doing in here?” Merlin asked.

“Got bored of playing soldiers,” Gwaine shrugged. “And I thought I’d come and see how you were.”

Merlin did trust Gwaine, but he was a knight now. His loyalty was sworn to the king. Merlin carefully put his bag down on the worktable. “I’m busy,” he said, and felt bad about how distrusting he sounded.

“Doing what?”

“What do you think?” Merlin snapped.

Gwaine looked at him with soft brown eyes. “Looking for Gaius.”

“I know everyone thinks he’s a traitor,” Merlin said, “but he’s not. He’s been abducted, Gwaine. He may even be dead.”

Merlin’s voice broke on the last word, he wanted so badly for it not to be true. He focused his attention on the work desk, examining the dirt he found in Agravaine’s chamber. Gwaine didn’t make any indication to leave.

“Probably don’t need my help, then,” he said finally, and Merlin looked back up at him. Gwaine’s expression showed nothing but concern. Merlin hated himself for taking his fears out on a friend. He made his tone kinder.

“Do you know what this is?” he asked, holding up some of the dirt.

“Might do.” Gwaine joined him. “Let me see.” He swiped up some of the dirt and smelled it. “That’s iron ore. Where’d you find this?”

“That doesn’t matter,” Merlin said quickly. “Does it help us?”

Gwaine sat down, wiping the dirt from his hands. “Iron ore’s pretty rare in Camelot. In fact, I’ve only seen it once, on a patrol.”

“Where?” Merlin asked.

“Er,” Gwaine thought for a moment. “Ridge of Kemeray. They’ve been hewing iron from rocks there for hundreds of years.”

Merlin felt himself light up, and Gwaine smiled as he saw it. “Helpful?” he asked.

“Very.” Merlin stood, and hesitated again. He looked at Gwaine, who right now didn’t look as much as a knight as he looked like Merlin’s good friend who stayed by his side even in the most ridiculous situations.

“I don’t suppose you feel like taking a ride?” he asked, and Gwaine’s smile widened.

“You know me. I’m always in the mood for a truly bad idea.”

*

Merlin watched in shock as Morgana screamed and flew backwards across the room, hitting the rock hard before collapsing unconscious to the floor. The dagger at Merlin’s throat fell to the ground. Merlin stared with wide eyes at the man who had seemed to be with Morgana, and he scrambled to his feet.

“Merlin, I am Alator of the Catha,” the man said. “I am honoured to be of service.”

“You have magic!” Merlin exclaimed.

Alator nodded. “I understand the burden you carry,” he said sincerely. “I have lived with it all my life. I have been shunned, persecuted, and sometimes even hunted in every corner of the five kingdoms. I understand what that feels like. You are not alone.” He held Merlin’s gaze in wonder. “From what Gaius told me, I do not have your great powers, Merlin, but I share your hopes. For I, and others like me, have dreamt of the world you and your king seek to build. And we would gladly give our lives to help you do it.”

As Merlin stared in amazement, Alator dropped to his knees before him, kneeling as if Merlin was a royal, and not the servant of one.

The stranger who had saved his life remained on the ground, and Merlin didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he deserved this man’s loyalty and faith.

For a moment, Merlin wondered. Was this how Arthur felt every day, as his subjects looked to him to rule them?

*

Arthur met Gwaine and Agravaine on the landing. Two guards were carrying Gaius between them. The older man looked horrible.

“What happened?” Arthur asked.

“We found him,” Gwaine said, looking at him pointedly. “He’d been kidnapped.”

Arthur could hear all the things Gwaine didn’t say out loud. Merlin was right, and Arthur had doubted him. Arthur had failed Merlin, and he felt the shame of it in his bones.

“He’s in a bad way,” Gwaine said, voice hard and clipped, and Arthur stood aside, allowing the guards to carry Gaius to his chambers.

A short while later, Arthur stood beside Agravaine. Gwen was mopping Gaius’s forehead. He looked a little less pale now, but he was clearly not well.

“It seems I misjudged Gaius,” Agravaine said. “Merlin was right all along.”

Arthur’s hands curled into fists. “We were lucky he found him.”

“Indeed,” Agravaine said. “If it hadn’t been for the tenacity of your boy, Gaius would be dead.”

Arthur wondered briefly if Agravaine said _your boy_ because he had figured out that his relationship with Merlin went beyond master and servant, but he couldn’t dwell on that right now. Not when Merlin might never speak to him again. Arthur swallowed hard.

“We both owe Gaius and Merlin an apology, my lord,” Agravaine finished. Arthur couldn’t stand there anymore. He left the room without another word.

*

“We can’t tell Arthur about Agravaine,” Gaius said. Merlin didn’t look happy with those words, but Gaius knew that was Merlin’s feelings and not his wisdom.

“He needs to know,” Merlin said.

“We don’t have any evidence,” Gaius pressed. “You’ve seen how dear he is to Arthur. No matter how much he cares for you, he isn’t going to want to believe that yet another family member has betrayed him. Even if the accusation comes from you.”

He could see in Merlin’s eyes that he believed him, but Gaius wished he didn’t have to keep telling Merlin what he should and shouldn’t do. All he wanted for this dear boy was for him to have the freedom to do anything.

A knock on the door made them both turn, and Arthur entered the room. Gaius felt Merlin tense at his presence. The evils of mistrust had seeped between them, and Gaius didn’t like being the cause of that. He had watched Merlin miserably long for Arthur for years. He prayed to all the powers of the universe that Merlin wouldn’t lose this newfound happiness for good.

“I think I owe both of you an apology,” Arthur said.

Merlin didn’t look at him when he spoke. “Not to me. To Gaius.”

Gaius noted the look of shame and sadness Arthur aimed at Merlin, before he rearranged a more formal expression. “Yes,” he said calmly.

Merlin looked at Gaius. Gaius hoped his expression told him not to be a stubborn fool, but Merlin wasn’t always good at listening.

“Merlin, will you give us a moment?” Arthur asked. Gaius wondered if Merlin could also hear the pain Arthur tried to disguise.

Merlin was quiet or a long moment, and when he looked at Gaius again, the old man was relieved to recognize a look of mischief in the boy.

“Does that mean I get the morning off?” Merlin asked, and Gaius had to smile.

They would be alright, eventually, he could feel it.

“Yes,” Arthur said, his voice also carrying a tone of mischief now. “Yes, you can have the morning off… To clean my chambers, polish my armour and launder my clothes.”

Finally, Merlin turned to look at Arthur. “You certainly know how to apologise.”

Merlin stood, and Arthur smiled at him as they passed each other. Arthur gave an amused shrug. He seemed light as a feather when Merlin smiled at him. Gaius couldn’t recall ever having seen Arthur looking so at ease with himself before, and he had watched the King since birth.

Once Merlin left, Arthur walked to Gaius’s bed. Gaius hated how the young man looked so deeply ashamed. He wished he could explain how little he blamed Arthur for what had occurred. But he had to admit, the doubt still hurt.

“Are you all right?” Arthur asked.

“I’m just glad it’s all over.”

“I made a mistake,” Arthur said, his voice torn.

“I’ve looked after you since you were a nurseling, Arthur. You should’ve known I love you far too much to ever betray you.”

A look of shame crossed Arthur’s face again, and he sat carefully on the chair by the bed. “Gaius… Who abducted you?”

Gaius knew better than to reply with the full truth, but he would give as much as he could. “I couldn’t say. But I’m certain they were in league with Morgana.”

“What did they want?”

“Information,” Gaius said. “About…” Gaius nearly lied once more, but realised to his relief that he didn’t have to. “About Emrys. They suspected I knew who he was. It seems Morgana is afraid of him and desperate to know his real identity.”

Arthur’s eyes widened in fear. “Did they get it?”

“Morgana got nothing from me,” Gaius said firmly. He felt deep shame that he had revealed Merlin’s identity, but praised the universe that his tormenter had been a friend.

Arthur looking somewhat amazed, and he took Gaius’s hand. “I’m grateful,” he said sincerely. “And I’m not surprised Morgana is afraid of Emrys.” He smiled conspiratorially. “She should be.” Gaius smiled back, but Arthur’s expression faded to seriousness.

“There is a matter that still concerns me,” Arthur confessed. “When you lied about the sorcerer who… _killed_ my father, of course I know you lied. But were you only lying to Agravaine, or is there something else you are keeping from me?”

“I was protecting Merlin from Agravaine,” Gaius said. “Agravaine is a complicated man, and magic did kill his sister.”

_Which is what makes his alliance with Morgana so puzzling_ , Gaius thought to himself.

“And that was all?” Arthur asked.

“I promise you, Arthur. I was only lying to him, not to you.”

Arthur considered this for a long moment, until finally he nodded. “You may be right about my uncle,” Arthur admitted. “I can’t imagine he would take kindly to my attempts to lift the ban on magic.”

Gaius smiled. He had never been prouder of the young king. “Yes, such a thing will be very difficult, and take time. But I have faith in you. You will make it so, one day.”

Arthur considered Gaius’s words, and finally he nodded. “You need your rest,” he said. “I truly am sorry that I doubted you, Gaius. I will do better in the future, I swear it.”

Gaius patted Arthur’s hand. “I know, my lord. Thank you.”

Truly, Merlin had chosen a fine man to give his heart to.

*

“I wasn’t sure you would come,” Arthur said when Merlin entered his room later that night. He hadn’t realised until right then how scared he was that Merlin might not show.

“That’s because you’re an idiot,” Merlin said fondly. He sat down on Arthur’s bed, and Arthur joined him there. They both sat silently for a while, then Merlin took Arthur’s hand.

“I’ve forgiven you, you know,” he said quietly. “I understand why you had doubts. It’s easier to understand that now that I know Gaius is safe.”

“I’d never forgive myself if he wasn’t,” Arthur said. “I should have listened to you.”

“You listened to your uncle,” Merlin said. “He’s your family. I understand.”

Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s cheek and made Merlin look at him. “You’re my family, too,” he said. “I love you, and I’m sorry my stubbornness hurt you.”

Merlin smiled. “Who knew you were actually good at apologies? It’s almost as if you’ve had practice admitting you were wrong.”

Arthur grinned. “It’s a very rare occurrence, I’m just highly talented.”

Merlin leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Arthur’s lips. “That you are.”

“There is something else I need to talk to you about, actually,” Arthur said. He had been dreading this conversation, but they couldn’t avoid it any longer. “It’s about magic.”

He felt Merlin tense. “What about it?”

“I’ve been investigating how I might go about lifting the ban and how that decision might be received.”

Merlin’s eyes widened. “You have?”

“Of course I have,” Arthur said, trying not to be offended by Merlin’s obvious shock. “But I’m afraid the results of my inquiries haven’t been… encouraging.”

Merlin leaned back, his eyes all focus now. The powerful sorcerer he usually kept so carefully hidden was there on the surface, fully devoted to the matter at hand.

“That isn’t surprising,” he said. “Things have been like this for a long time.”

“And my father’s scare mongering runs deep,” Arthur added. “Very deep. My greatest fear is that I announce my intention for the ban to be lifted and the council decides I’ve been manipulated by magic.”

“Why else would the son of Uther Pendragon do such a thing?” Merlin agreed.

“Exactly. And if that line of thinking leads them to _you_ …” Arthur trailed off.

“Right,” Merlin nodded. “They might lock you up for your own safety and toss me on the pyre in order to free you.”

Arthur flinched at the unwelcome image, memories of his dreams flashing in his mind. His grip on Merlin’s hand tightened. “I won’t ever let that happen, Merlin.”

Merlin put his free hand gently over Arthur’s tight hold. “I know that,” he said softly. “But you’re right that it’s going to be a challenge. It’s going to take time.”

“I hate this,” Arthur said. “I don’t want you to have to keep hiding. Every part of you is magnificent; you deserve to be seen, all of you.”

Merlin smiled shyly. “The only thing that matters,” he said, “is that I no longer have to hide from _you_. I’ve never wanted to be seen by anyone else.”

Merlin kissed him, then, and all conversation ended as they fell into each other, touching, kissing, clinging to one another for comfort, for safety, for love.

For now, Arthur thought, he could accept that Merlin was right.

This was the only thing that mattered.


	7. S4E8 – Lamia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episode 8, series 4 of BBC Merlin - Lamia.
> 
> The knights are not acting like themselves, and Merlin suspects the strange girl they rescued has something to do with it.

Gwen came to join Merlin after she failed giving Lamia a bowl of food. She'd flinched away from Gwen just like she had Merlin.

“She still won’t eat,” Gwen said. “No appetite at all. Poor girl.”

Merlin wasn’t so convinced. He had a bad feeling about the girl.

“Pack your bags,” Leon announced. “We ride east with the rising sun.”

“Wait, east?” Merlin asked. “Camelot lies west of here.”

“Lamia has asked that we take her home,” Elyan said.

“No,” Merlin protested. “We need to get Gaius!”

“Gaius can wait,” Gwaine said. Merlin couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“We were sent to help the people of Longstead,” he said. “Their lives depend on us.”

Leon stepped closer, glaring down at him with more disdain than Merlin had thought Leon capable of. “You dare to question our judgment? You are not a knight! You’re not even a physician! You’re nothing but a servant! Come on.”

Merlin felt like he’d been punched in the gut, he felt unbelievably small. Leon walked away from him, not seeming remotely concerned.

“Please!” Gwen said. “Listen! Merlin’s right, we have to get back to–”

“Stay out of this, Gwen,” Elyan snapped. “It’s none of your business.”

Gwen stared at her brother in shock. She put her hand on Merlin’s shoulder as they watched the knights all help Lamia prepare for the journey. Gwen scoffed in disbelief.

“I can’t imagine what came over them,” she said. “The things Leon said to you, Merlin, that was unacceptable.”

“It didn’t sound like him,” Merlin said, eyeing Lamia with suspicion.

Something was very wrong here.

*

Things only got stranger later in the day. Sir Leon was approaching Lamia with a water flask when Gwaine intercepted him.

“Why don’t you watch what you’re doing?” Leon snapped.

“Why don’t you watch your damn tongue?” Gwaine retorted.

“You’d do well to learn some manners,” Leon said with an ugly sneer.

“Nothing I can learn from you, Leon.” Gwaine shoved Leon, and Merlin and Gwen exchanged a concerned look.

“We’ll see about that,” Leon said angrily, and he shoved Gwaine hard.

“Enough!” Merlin shouted. “What’s got into you?”

Leon and Gwaine erupted into a full-on fight, swords drawn. Percival and Elyan tried to intervene, but they couldn’t pull them apart before Leon got cut in the arm by Gwaine’s sword, blood trickling through his chainmail.

“Great,” Merlin threw his hands up in frustration and rushed to check Leon’s arm. Leon allowed Merlin to examine it, but he was still struggling against Percival’s grip.

“I’ll get the medicine bag,” Gwen said. At least _she_ still had her mind intact. Merlin led Leon away from the group, and caught sight of Lamia as he did. She sat in her spot, an eerie smirk on her face as she twirled her hair between her fingers.

Merlin tended to Leon’s wound, and Gwen bandaged him.

“That needle was the size of a spear,” Leon complained as Merlin finished stitching him up.

“Sorry,” Merlin muttered. “It’s all I have.”

“There,” Gwen said with forced cheer. “Done.”

“Thank you,” Leon said, very explicitly aimed towards Gwen. He got up with a huff, pulled on his shirt and left the two of them staring after him.

“Leon and Gwaine,” Merlin said in a low voice. “I’ve never known them to act like this.”

“Elyan’s the same,” Gwen whispered. “I hardly recognise him.”

“I think it’s something to do with her.”

Gwen followed Merlin’s gaze. “Lamia?”

“The knights are like brothers,” Merlin said. “Yet they fight and quarrel like foes?” They watched as Gwaine put a blanket over Lamia’s shoulders. “It started the moment we found her.”

“But look at her,” Gwen said. “She’s just a girl. How could she affect them this way?”

“I don’t know,” Merlin said. “But appearances can be deceiving. Would you guess what I was capable of just by looking at me?”

Gwen considered this for a moment. “No, I don’t suppose I would.”

“We need to keep an eye on her. I sincerely doubt they all just suddenly fell in love with her at the same time, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” Gwen agreed. “They may have their moments of foolishness, but this just isn’t like them.” Gwen looked at Merlin, her gaze softening. “Arthur would be ashamed to see his knights treat you like that.”

Merlin managed a small smile. “I suppose he would.”

“I know now isn’t really the time,” Gwen said shyly. “But how are the two of you?”

Merlin’s smile widened. “It’s… nothing like what I imagined, and yet everything I ever dreamed of, all at once.”

Gwen smiled. “I love seeing you both so happy. It makes me believe in happiness again.”

Merlin didn’t need to ask her what she meant. She was thinking about Lancelot. He missed his friend dearly, but he couldn’t pretend to imagine the pain Gwen must deal with every day.

“I just hope we’re able to continue being happy for a long time,” Merlin said lowly. “I know he’ll have to marry one day, to please the people and the court, but until then... I will enjoy every uninterrupted moment I’m allowed to share with him.”

Something about what he said made Gwen look thoughtful. She didn’t say anything, but she stared into nothing in particular for a very long time, buried deep somewhere in her own mind.

*

They woke up much later than they should have. Merlin looked around the campsite in confusion.

“Elyan?” Percival shouted.

“He was supposed to be on guard,” Gwen said, concerned. “He should’ve woken us long before now. Elyan!” She shouted. The others joined her.

“Gwen, stay with Lamia,” Leon ordered. “The rest of you, come with me, spread out.”

Merlin looked at Gwen, and she nodded for him to accompany the knights. He trusted her judgment, and followed.

When they returned to Gwen and Lamia, Percival was carrying Elyan in his arms.

“Oh, g– Elyan!” Gwen exclaimed. “What happened to him?”

“I don’t know,” Leon said. “We found him like this.”

Gwen rushed to Merlin’s side. “She did this,” she whispered, looking towards Lamia. “I know she did.”

Merlin suspected the same. He looked at the knights. “We need to get him back to Camelot, _now_ ,” he said for them all to hear.

“I know this area,” Lamia said innocently. “There’s a castle not far from here. We could take shelter. You could tend to your friend.”

“Then lead the way,” Leon said instantly.

“We don’t need shelter, thank you,” Merlin protested. “We need Gaius!”

“He’s right,” Gwen agreed.

“Silence, both of you!” Leon shouted. “You have no say in these matters! You come with us, or you stay here, it’s up to you. Let’s go.”

Leon and Percival carried Elyan between them. Lamia glared in Gwen and Merlin’s direction, but of course none of the knights noticed.

Merlin had a feeling that pointing it out wouldn’t get them very far.

*

Gwen and Merlin rode some lengths behind the rest of the party, so they could speak without being overheard.

“We could try reasoning with them,” Gwen suggested. “Tell them Lamia is responsible for what’s happening.”

“They won’t listen to reason,” Merlin said. “You’ve seen how they are. It’s like they’re under an enchantment.” Either that, or they all suddenly decided they loathed him.

“We have to do something,” Gwen insisted.

“Arthur’s our only hope now,” Merlin said. “We’ve been gone too long, he must know something’s wrong.”

“They’ll never find us,” Gwen said. “We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

Merlin thought for a moment. “We need to give him some help.”

He made sure none of the knights were watching them, and he carefully reached up and removed his neckerchief.

*

They entered the old castle through a cave with a broken gate. Lamia led the way, and Merlin did not like following her. He had to try getting through to his friends. He grabbed Percival’s arm.

“This is madness, Percival,” he tried. “Elyan needs help. You know nothing about this girl, you have no idea where she’s taking you.”

Percival glared down at him, and Merlin was reminded of exactly how much bigger than him the knight was. “You heard Sir Leon,” Percival said menacingly. “We’ve no interest in your opinion. So keep your mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for you.”

Merlin couldn’t pretend; with that tone and that look in his eyes, Merlin felt genuinely afraid of Percival for the first time since he’d met him.

They kept moving further, when suddenly Leon’s torch snuffed out. “Is everyone alright?” he asked the group.

Merlin whispered a spell, and his own torch lit up. He used it to re-light Leon’s. They all looked around. Lamia was gone.

“Where’s Lamia?” Leon asked. “Lamia!” He sounded absolutely desperate. They rushed forward until they came to a great hall with what was most certainly skeletons, everywhere.

“What is this place?” Merlin asked.

“Whatever it is, it isn’t safe,” Leon said. “We need to find Lamia. She could be in danger.”

_Unbelievable._ “We’re the ones in danger, Leon!” he shouted. “She brought us here, she’s led us to a trap!”

“That’s a lie!” Leon yelled back at him, that dangerous look in his eyes.

“She’s poisoned your minds and you can’t see–”

“Enough!” Leon insisted.

“It was Lamia that attacked Elyan,” Merlin tried, desperately needing them to see.

“I said _enough_!” Leon roared. Merlin still wasn’t prepared when Leon grabbed Merlin and shoved him to the floor so hard his breath momentarily left him.

“Please!” he heard Gwen shout. “My brother’s hurt! We need to find somewhere warm.”

Leon, furious, stormed away from them down some strange hallway. Everyone followed him, even Merlin once he managed to get to his feet. He couldn’t leave his friends alone like this.

Gwaine brought them all to a stop by the entrance to a vine-covered room. “Over here.” They sat Elyan down against the wall. “I’ll make us a fire,” Gwaine said.

“Percival and I will search for Lamia,” Leon said, and glared at Merlin. He stood close to him, hovering over him like a threat. “You will stay here and you will do as Gwaine says. Do I make myself clear?”

Merlin managed to nod his head as the knights left him, Gwen and Elyan alone under Gwaine’s supervision. Merlin leaned against a column and watched Gwen sitting on the floor beside her brother, stroking his head.

“We need more wood,” Gwaine said after a while.

“I’ll go and get some,” Merlin said, producing a humourless laugh from Gwaine.

“No. You stay where you are, I’ll get it myself. You’re not going anywhere.”

“Gwaine, please listen to me,” Merlin said as Gwaine started to leave. “It’s not safe for you out there.”

“You trying to tell me my business?” Gwaine hissed, and seeing Gwaine look at him like that was genuinely disturbing.

“No, I’m just saying that…” Merlin trailed off, unsure.

“What?” Gwaine barked.

“Nothing,” Merlin finished, defeated.

Gwaine waved the torch in front of Merlin’s face before he stalked from the room. Merlin returned his attention to Gwen, who looked up at him with tears running down her face.

“If Elyan doesn’t get some help soon, he’s not going to make it.”

Merlin knew he was right. It would just be a lot easier if all their strong friends with sharp swords didn’t currently hate them.

*

“I don’t understand it,” Gwen said. “Why have only the knights been enchanted? Why not us as well?”

“You’re a woman,” Merlin pointed out.

“So?”

“All the victims have been men.”

“So why haven’t you fallen under her spell?” Gwen asked.

“I think my magic is protecting me,” Merlin admitted. It was odd, he hadn’t really spoken to Gwen about his magic before, though he knew Arthur and Gwen had talked about it often in the past. To Merlin’s relief, Gwen didn’t look frightened or upset by the topic.

“That explains it. She looks at you as if you were the enemy,” she said. “It must frighten her that she doesn’t have power over you. I’m glad your magic shields you from her, I would have been terrified if I were the only one with my mind intact.”

Merlin couldn’t help but smile at that, and Gwen noticed.

“What?” she asked.

“It’s just still strange to me to hear my friends talk about my magic so casually. I spent so much time being afraid of anyone finding out, it’s odd to think people are actually _comforted_ my the knowledge of my magic.”

“I hope you know better than to think I would ever be afraid of you,” Gwen said. “I know your magic has saved my life many times. Besides, it’s a part of you. I like anything that’s a part of you; you’re my friend.”

Merlin’s smile widened. “Thank you, Gwen. You can’t imagine what that means to me.”

Gwen looked like she had more to say, but a yell from the distance brought them back to the presence. “Whatever you do, don’t leave this room,” Merlin said and ran out of the room, towards the screams.

He could hear hissing sounds coming from somewhere nearby. “Gwaine?” he whispered. He rounded a corner and saw his friend standing against a column. “Gwaine?” he repeated as he touched his shoulder. Gwaine fell towards him, limp and slack jawed.

_No no no_ , Merlin thought. _She is_ not _getting any more of my friends._

He tried to make Gwaine comfortable, and then he ran, moving towards the sounds of fighting. He rounded a corner just in time to see Lamia crouched over Leon, kissing him. Percival lay limp on the floor nearby.

Lamia threw Leon aside and stood, facing Merlin with contempt.

“You won’t find me such easy pray,” Merlin said, filled with rage.

“Your magic holds no fear for me,” Lamia said. “I could’ve killed you any time I wished.”

Merlin smirked. “Then, what are you waiting for?”

His challenge, apparently. Lamia attacked, throwing Merlin backwards with a frightening hiss. Merlin uttered a spell, flinging swords towards Lamia’s torso. While she was distracted, Merlin rushed to Percival’s side. His heart was still beating. Merlin breathed a sigh of relief.

Lamia’s hisses came from somewhere in the shadows. He had to find her. Except she found him first. A tentacle escaped from the darkness and smacked him backwards. He whispered a spell and caused the ceiling to collapse down on Lamia, hoping to trap her beneath it. To his frustration, he heard her shriek just as she bust out from the rocks and came towards him. Merlin took off running down the hall, Lamia on his heels.

Merlin nearly crashed into Gwen, who was running in the opposite direction. “Merlin.” She sounded relieved to find him in one piece, but that changed to worry again when Lamia came around the corner towards them.

Merlin tried to push Gwen forward, but Lamia knocked him down, wrapping a tentacle around his leg and dragging him towards her.

“Get away from him!” Gwen shouted and charged Lamia with a sword Merlin hadn’t even noticed she had. She struck Lamia twice before the sword got knocked from her hands and she fell down beside Merlin, who was now free of the tentacles. The two of them scrambled backwards on the floor, trying to move faster than the tentacles. Merlin raised his hand, ready to try another spell as Lamia loomed over them, when suddenly the creature toppled forwards, collapsing on the ground.

It took both Merlin and Gwen a moment to notice the spear in its back, and then they spotted Arthur behind it, still leaning over from his throw. He straightened and approached the creature carefully, checking for any movement.

“Arthur!” Gwen exclaimed happily, but Merlin could only stare at the beautiful king, standing over the beast he had just slain to save them.

Gwen, less distracted, got to her feet first and embraced Arthur, thanking him over and over for finding them. Arthur laughed as he hugged his friend.

Finally, Merlin found his voice. “You carry on, don’t worry about me,” he teased.

Arthur released Gwen and held his hand out for Merlin. He grinned cheekily, but Merlin saw the relief in his eyes. “It’s almost good to see you, Merlin.”

“Likewise.” Merlin took Arthur’s hand and let him pull him to his feet, and then Arthur was kissing him before Merlin could even thank him.

When he finally pulled away from the kiss, Arthur grinned widely. “Almost,” he repeated, and Merlin scoffed and kissed him again. They didn’t let go of each other once as they left the castle, rousing their friends on their way. Thankfully, Merlin noticed, they all woke up as themselves again.

*

“Merlin?”

He looked up from his polishing to see Gwaine enter Arthur’s chambers, followed by Leon, Elyan and Percival. Arthur was sitting at his desk and looked up at the knights filling up half his chamber.

“Yes?” he asked.

“Sire, we were hoping to talk to Merlin for a moment,” Leon said.

“We figured he’d be here,” Gwaine said with a smirk.

Arthur looked at Merlin, who nodded, which was enough for Arthur. He turned his attention back to his work. “Go ahead,” he said and gestured for them to proceed at will.

“What do you need?” Merlin asked. “Are you experiencing any lingering symptoms?”

“No, no,” Elyan assured him. “Nothing like that. But we wanted to apologise to you, for our behavior.”

“We’ve already been to see Gwen,” Percival said. “But we were twice as beastly towards you. You didn’t deserve that, Merlin, truly.”

“You weren’t yourselves,” Merlin said quickly. “I understand. It’s alright.”

“You’re too kind for your own good, my friend,” Gwaine said. “It’s not alright at all.”

“The things I said to you about not being a knight…” Leon looked deeply ashamed. “You are much more than a servant, it was cruel to say that. I am truly sorry.”

“I threatened you,” Percival said. “I never would have hurt you if I wasn’t…” He indicated his head. “I wanted you to know that. I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“Percival, you’re the sweetest man to ever wear chainmail,” Merlin said. “I could never be afraid of you. And Leon, you’ve never said a harsh word to me as long as I’ve known you. I know that wasn’t you, any of you.”

“That mean we’re forgiven?” Gwaine asked, grinning.

“Well,” Merlin said, "you’re forgiven by me. However, you did just confess to being horrible to me in front of a certain King, and I can’t really speak for him…”

Merlin trailed off as all the knights turned towards Arthur. None of them had noticed until now that Arthur had stopped his work and stood, leaning against his desk and glaring at the knights with an intensity that Merlin thought might set them all on fire.

“Oh, hell,” Gwaine said. “We’re all going to die.”

An evil smile spread across Arthur’s face. “Oh, I’m not going to kill you. I understand, you were enchanted. When you _threatened_ and _insulted_ Merlin. The man I _love_. I’m not going to kill you at all.”

Merlin couldn’t help but grin at the delighted glint in Arthur’s eyes as he announced his plan for how the knights could earn his forgiveness.

Every day for the next several weeks, Merlin and Arthur both got great enjoyment out of watching the knights stumbling to training exhausted and smelling of the stables they had mucked out.

Merlin would lie if he said he didn’t get any satisfaction out of it.


	8. S4E9 – Lancelot du Lac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episode 9, series 4 of BBC Merlin - Lancelot du Lac.
> 
> Gwen makes an unexpected offer. Then something even more unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been so nervous and excited to post this episode!!!! I reeeeally hope you guys like my take on this, this is how I think it should have gone from the first time I watched the episode. I had such a good time writing this and I'm just glad to share it with y'all <3 #LANCELOTDESERVEDBETTER

“Do you have any idea what this is about?” Merlin asked. He and Arthur sat at Gwen’s table while she readied them some wine Merlin had snuck out of the castle. Gwen had asked the two of them to come visit her tonight to discuss something important, but she wouldn’t give any details.

“None at all,” Arthur replied. Gwen returned with three cups, putting them on the table in front of them before she sat down and met their eyes across the table.

“We need to talk,” Gwen said. “Actually, I’m going to talk, you’re going to listen, and none of you will say a word until I’ve finished. Agreed?”

Arthur and Merlin exchanged a look, and they both nodded to Gwen in confirmation.

“Good.” Gwen straightened her shoulders, took a sip of her wine, and folded her hands on the table. “You two love each other,” she began. “You have loved each other for a long time, and I have watched you both struggle to hide it from yourselves, each other and everyone else. You’re still hiding it from everyone else, and I understand that; Arthur is King, he is expected to marry for the sake of Camelot. And, one day, he will have to go through with that. He will have to marry someone, and that will make it that much harder for you to be together.”

Gwen took a deep breath and another sip of her wine. Merlin’s stomach was twisted up from her words – these were not things he liked to think about. But he had promised to be silent.

“So… Arthur, what if you married _me_?” She held up her hand to keep them silent. “I know, it sounds insane, but think about it. You have to marry _someone_. You’re my best friend. This would send a message to your people that you care more about someone’s heart than their station, and you two wouldn’t have to hide.” Gwen swallowed. “I lost the love of my life. Let me help my friends avoid the same fate.” She took a deep breath and another sip of her wine. “You may now speak.”

They didn’t, for a moment. Both Merlin and Arthur reached for their wine at the same time. Merlin wasn’t much of a drinker, but he swallowed three giant gulps before putting the cup down. He turned to face Arthur. Arthur did the same. Neither of them knew how to begin this conversation, but Merlin felt lighter when Arthur took his hand beneath the table.

“Let’s discuss it,” Arthur said to Gwen, then looked back at Merlin. “If you want to.”

Merlin smiled. “I want to.”

“Half the court already thinks we’re in love,” Arthur commented. “They’ve all read more into our friendship than there is. It wouldn’t appear to come out of nowhere.”

They sat at Gwen’s table for hours, late into the night, and they talked. Merlin was surprised at how thoroughly Gwen had thought about this. This clearly wasn’t an offer she made lightly. She knew exactly what she was suggesting, she had considered every aspect, and she was still willing to go through with this.

Merlin didn’t say much, but he listened intently. This arrangement would impact Arthur and Gwen much more than him. So he just sat silently and happily, and listened.

*

Merlin was cleaning Arthur’s armour when Agravaine arrived in the chambers, having been summoned by the king. Arthur was gazing out the window and turned when Agravaine closed the door behind him. Merlin kept his eyes on the armour.

“Uncle,” Arthur greeted.

“It’s late, Arthur. What’s troubling you?”

“Nothing,” Arthur assured him. “Nothing at all. But I’ve made a decision and I felt it only right to inform you right away. Though I feel you’re not going to like what I have to say.” Arthur paused for a long moment, and Merlin thought he could feel his eyes on him for a moment. “I’m going to marry Guinevere.”

Even though he had been prepared for it, Merlin dropped the armor he was working on. “Sorry,” he muttered and picked it up hastily.

“Sire–” Agravaine started.

“No,” Arthur cut him off. “I know what you’re going to say. She’s a servant. I’m the king. It’s not the done thing.”

“I fear it’s a little more serious than that,” Agravaine said.

“I love someone who has proven to be of valuable support and a true counsellor these past few months,” Arthur said passionately, and Merlin felt himself blush.

“You don’t need a woman for support, sire,” Agravaine argued lamely. “I’m your counsel.”

“I fear you’re rather too closely related to me to be my wife,” Arthur said, and Merlin coughed to try to cover his chuckle.

“Good council, solid support, they’re exactly what I need,” Arthur said. “I don’t need a queen who spends her days floating around the castle agreeing with my every word. And the people don’t want that, either. So, I’ve made up my mind. I want Guinevere to be my queen, and I want to spend the rest of my life with the person I love.” Merlin’s breath caught, knowing Arthur spoke of two separate people. His heart melted knowing one of them was him. “I want you to accept that,” Arthur finished.

Merlin glanced over his shoulder, meeting Arthur’s eyes with a smile. Agravaine, to his surprise, nodded, recognising a battle was lost.

Merlin didn’t know how he was ever going to be able to stop smiling.

*

“I’ve got to hand it to you,” Merlin said with a laugh as he took Arthur’s helmet in the tent. Arthur had of course won his first joust. “If nothing else, it’s certainly an original engagement present. As romantic gestures go, you could’ve given her flowers. Could have had a song written. Instead, you’ve given her two days of sweaty men knocking the sense out of each other.”

Arthur grinned, and pulled a small, purple flower out from underneath a piece of cloth. “I’m saving my flowers for you,” he said and slipped the flower into Merlin’s neckerchief.

Merlin felt himself blush. “I get the romance, she gets the sweaty men and pointy sticks?”

“My father had a tourney before his wedding,” Arthur pointed out. “It’s tradition.”

Merlin laughed. “Ah, so it’s not even an original gesture, then.”

Arthur chuckled. “I think my future wife appreciates it.” His smile faded somewhat. “Are you certain that you’re alright with this?” he asked. “I don’t… I don’t like the idea of you being forced to hide in the shadows like some secret I’m ashamed of. I’d shout our love from the rooftops if I had my way.”

Merlin smiled, and took Arthur’s hand. “I know that. As would I. But I’ve told you, I understand the expectations put on a King. I meant it when I told you that I would take you any way I could have you. Gwen has been kind enough to offer us our best chance, and I love her for that.”

Arthur’s smile returned, and he kissed Merlin’s hand before reluctantly letting it go as they stepped outside the tent. “If your feelings on this change, promise you will tell me?” he asked.

“Of course,” Merlin vowed, and the two of them watched as another rider entered the stadium. Merlin thought he knew everyone riding today, but this knight didn’t look like he was any of the lords signed up, even in full armour.

“Who on earth’s that?” Arthur asked.

“I’ve no idea,” Merlin replied, and they exchanged concerned glances. Traditionally, strangers at tournaments never bode well for them.

The rider started his joust and caught the flowered ring to the cheers of the crowd. He rode up to Gwen and offered it to her. She took it with a polite but confused smile.

Then the knight pulled his helmet off, and Merlin felt all their worlds twisting in on themselves in shock.

Sitting on a horse before the stands, was Lancelot.

*

Merlin listened as Lancelot told his story in the dining hall, before the King, the Council and the Knights. Gwen was seated at the table, too, on Arthur’s right, but she had not taken her eyes off Lancelot since he revealed himself.

In the pit of his stomach, Merlin knew something was wrong. Lancelot had announced his return publically, instead of finding them in private. He had not yet had the opportunity for a private reunion with Gwen – or _any_ reunion with Gwen – and now he recounted the story of how he was still alive, and Merlin felt it in his heart that something wasn’t right. Yet as he stared at Lancelot, he didn’t want to listen to that suspicious feeling.

It was _Lancelot_. The friend who had died for him and Arthur and all of Camelot. Lancelot, who had accepted Merlin’s friendship and his magic so quickly.

Surely his story _could_ be true? Surely they could truly have been given Lancelot back.

“We can’t thank you enough for what you sacrificed on the Isle of the Blessed,” Arthur said once Lancelot finished. Arthur sounded relieved, but Merlin could hear that he, too, had doubts about this unexpected miracle. “It will be remembered always.”

“It is, indeed, good to see you once again,” Lancelot said, and he sounded sincere, like himself. “I would like to propose a toast. To the people I hold most dear. To Camelot.”

“To Camelot,” the whole room repeated with their cups raised high.

“To Camelot,” Arthur said quietly, glancing towards Merlin as he took his drink. Their eyes met and Merlin shook his head. They both knew something was wrong here, but neither of them knew what it might be.

Gwen still had not looked away from Lancelot’s face.

*

Uneasy feelings aside, of course Merlin offered to let Lancelot stay with him and Gaius.

“You can have my bed,” Merlin suggested.

“No, no,” Lancelot refused. Of course.

“Really, after all you’ve been through… It’s the least I can do,” Merlin insisted.

Lancelot smiled kindly. “Thank you, Merlin. It’s good to see you, too.”

Merlin couldn’t help himself. If there was even a chance this was _their_ Lancelot… “I’ve spent so long thinking about what happened,” he said. “Could I have saved you? And if there was anything I could have done. If I could have used magic…”

Lancelot smiled. “If any of us had any magic, Merlin,” Lancelot said, and chills crept down Merlin’s spine. “Life would be a lot easier.”

Merlin watched as Lancelot walked to the bed. “Good night,” he forced out, then left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

His stomach sank. That may be Lancelot’s body, but it wasn’t his mind. Lancelot would never forget Merlin’s magic.

How was he supposed to tell everyone their Lancelot hadn’t truly returned?

*

Gwen knew she should wait. She knew there was something off, but she couldn’t help it. Seeing Lancelot’s face again, seeing his smile, hearing his voice… She had to see him. She knew, somehow, that he would seek her out. She sighed in relief when finally, there was a knock on her door, and Lancelot stood there smiling at her. 

“I wasn’t sure I’d find you here,” he said. “I thought you might have rooms in the palace.”

Right, Gwen thought. The engagement. _Wait, would my Lancelot truly ask about that before embracing me?_

“I will stay in my home as long as I can,” she replied, a little breathless.

“May I come in?” Lancelot asked. Gwen stood aside, opening the door for him. He was acting so strange, so unlike himself, but as he passed her in the doorway, she breathed in his scent, and it was so very much him that she nearly cried.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” she said.

“I know,” Lancelot replied, looking at her with tender eyes.

“When they told me what you’d done, I felt so guilty.”

“No,” Lancelot said, but she couldn’t stop.

“You were protecting our friends, just like I’d asked. If it weren’t for you, they wouldn’t be alive, even more happiness would have been snuffed out. There are no words to thank you enough.”

“There is no need for that,” Lancelot said, his voice soothing her like a balm. “I did what I felt was right in my heart. You taught me that, Gwen.” He stepped closer towards her. “To be true to myself. You will make a wonderful queen. Your love for your people is surpassed only by your love for Arthur.”

_What_?

No, this wasn’t right. Lancelot had to know, didn’t he? That she’d never loved anyone but him, that this engagement was for Arthur and Merlin’s sake. Surely he must realise that.

“I am lucky to have been touched by your kindness, Gwen,” Lancelot said before she could voice any of her questions. He stepped closer and took her hand, lifting it as he bent down to press a soft kiss to it. Gwen’s heart felt like it was about to burst.

“I wish you and Arthur everlasting happiness, Gwen.”

And just like that, he was gone out her door, and Gwen was alone with more questions than she had before he arrived.

*

“He isn’t himself,” Merlin said, because if he didn’t just spit it out, he would never be able to say it. “His story is a lie.”

He told Gwen and Arthur what he had discovered, how he and Gaius had tested his theory and proved it correct. Arthur and Gwen both stood in stony silence and stared until he finished. To his relief, they both believed him.

“I knew he was different,” Gwen said. “I could feel it. The way he spoke… I suppose I just wanted to believe it was because of everything he’d been through.”

“We all wanted to believe it,” Arthur said, taking Gwen’s hand. “Merlin, is there anything we can do?”

“I’m trying,” Merlin said. “I’ve been searching for some way to bring him back to himself. Morgana somehow brought his body back to life, I need to find a way to break her hold over him and bring back his own mind, his heart, his soul.”

“Is that even possible?” Gwen asked, and Merlin could see her fighting against hope.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “This is beyond anything I’ve tried before, and in the meantime we need to keep him from doing whatever Morgana brought him here to do. It must have to do with your engagement, she may not know that the two of you aren’t truly in love. But no matter what, I won’t give up.” Merlin stepped closer to her and took her free hand. “I promise, Gwen. I won’t give up on Lancelot.”

Gwen gave him a sad smile. “I know you won’t, Merlin. Thank you.”

She released both their hands and embraced Merlin. He met Arthur’s eyes over her shoulder and found strength in the resolve he saw there. Arthur looked like he had all the faith in the world in him. Merlin desperately wanted to be worthy of that faith.

He wanted his friend back.

*

“Arthur.”

He woke up, surprised to find Agravaine standing by his bed. He rubbed at his face, trying to shake the remnants of sleep so he could focus.

“Arthur, I’m sorry to wake you,” Agravaine said. “There is something you must see.”

He didn’t have a good feeling about this, but still, Arthur slipped out from the covers and followed his uncle through the halls. It had better be a damn good emergency to rouse him from bed in the middle of the night.

*

Gwen had received a message to meet Lancelot in the council chamber, and even though she knew it was not _her_ Lancelot, she could not help but go. She needed to see him, even if it was just his body. She had missed him, longed for him, for so long, she couldn’t deny herself the opportunity to look at him.

The council chamber was empty but for the two of them. Lancelot was already waiting in the shadow of a column.

“I hoped you would come,” he said sincerely. “No one uses the council chamber this time of night. I thought we might have some privacy.”

“Rather a long way to go for privacy,” Gwen pointed out. “I can think of dozens of places and times where it would be less conspicuous for us to be seen in each other’s company.”

A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Perhaps,” he conceded, but offered no further explanations. He stepped forward, closing the distance between them. “I just know… I needed to see you again.”

Gwen found her resolve weakened by his closeness. She put her hands on Lancelot’s chest and felt his heartbeat, thundering and alive. The feeling made her smile despite everything she knew. She didn’t doubt Merlin, but this felt so real, and the way Lancelot was looking at her now reminded her of how it had been before…

When Lancelot leaned towards her, she was powerless to do anything to stop him, or stop herself from responding. Then their lips met. For one glorious moment, she could almost convince herself this was exactly what it had been like to kiss her Lancelot before she lost him. But there was something missing, something that caused wind to roar through the empty cavern of her heart where Lancelot had been. She knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that her love was not truly in there.

This was just his body.

To the sound of doors opening, they pulled apart, and Gwen found Arthur and Agravaine standing in the doorway of the council chamber, staring at them.

“Adultery!” Agravaine shouted, loud enough to attract guards from the hallway. “This cannot be tolerated! Seize them!”

Arthur opened his mouth to protest, but what could he say? Gwen’s gaze met his; both of them lost with no idea how to fight what was unfolding. Agravaine could not be called a liar, it was too late for that. Guards grabbed hold of Lancelot and herself, and Gwen could barely bring herself to put up a fight when the guards pulled her out of the room and down the hall towards the dungeons.

*

“Please, Merlin,” Arthur begged. “There must be something!”

“I have searched every text I have access to, anything I’ve found comes with too many risks,” Merlin replied, still frantically searching through a book where he sat on his bed. Arthur was pacing back an forth in the limited space of Merlin’s room.

“If we don’t find a way out of this,” Arthur said, “Agravaine and the council will force me to order their deaths! Adultery is a serious crime, and Agravaine witnessed it!”

“I know all this, Arthur, do you think I don’t?” Merlin snapped, too aggressively. Arthur took a deep breath and sat on the bed beside Merlin, putting one hand on his.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to take this out on you, I know you are doing your best to save our friends,” he said gently. “Is there something I can do to help?”

“Even if I do find a way to bring Lancelot back to himself,” Merlin said, also calmer. “We still need them to be alive. You have to find a way to convince the council not to push for their deaths. You need to come up with a good reason to seek any other punishment for them.”

Arthur considered this for a long moment. “You’re right,” he said. “I’ll find Geoffrey. There must be some precedent for a lighter sentence somewhere in all his books.”

“Good,” Merlin said, lifting Arthur’s hand and kissing it. “Go. I’ll continue my search. There has to be one spell in here that doesn’t risk me exploding Lancelot’s head.”

“That would be preferable,” Arthur said with a small smile.

*

The guards forced Gwen to her knees in front of the entire assembly. Knights, the council, everyone filled up the council chamber. Agravaine stood beside the throne as Arthur walked up to it. He didn’t like seeing Gwen on her knees like that, but he forced himself to play the part of the betrayed fiancé.

“You will leave, please,” he said to the room. “All of you.” The room remained silent, no one moving at all. “Now,” Arthur said, adding more force to the word. The knights and councilmen finally listened, and left. “You too, Uncle,” Arthur said.

“Sire–”

“Now,” he repeated. Agravaine hesitated, but finally he bowed and left the room. Finally, Arthur and Gwen were alone. Arthur rushed towards her.

“Gwen, I am so sorry,” Arthur said, helping Gwen to her feet, holding her hands firmly between his. “There was no time for me to stop it, it all happened too quickly. Are you alright? Did they mistreat you?”

“No, of course not,” Gwen said hastily. “What of Lancelot? They didn’t put us in adjoining cells, I haven’t seen him. Is he–”

“He’s alive,” Arthur assured her. “And Gwen, Merlin thinks he found a way to bring him back.” Arthur swallowed. “It’s a long shot, and you should know… If it doesn't work, it will kill whatever is left of him.”

Gwen’s intense focus reminded Arthur of himself when Merlin was missing. “Whatever the risk, I will take it. We have to try, Arthur. I cannot lose him when he is so close, not without a fight.”

Arthur nodded, understanding all too well. “I cannot be there, but Merlin will come find you in your cell in a short while. He will break you out, take you to Lancelot. And Gwen…” Arthur hesitated. “If this works, we won’t have much time.”

*

They stood inside Lancelot’s cell, both of them shaking with anticipation.

“Are you ready?” Merlin asked Gwen. She looked away from Lancelot’s still form – Merlin was using his magic to keep him frozen in place – to meet his gaze.

She nodded. “We have to try,” she said with determination. “No matter the risk.”

Merlin nodded, too, and took a deep breath. He focused all his attention on Lancelot, and prayed to all holy forces that his magic would not fail him. Not this time.

The words he had practiced left his tongue, and he felt the magic rush through him, strong magic from somewhere deep inside where he'd never searched before.

Spell uttered, Merlin held his breath. Gwen clutched his hand so hard it hurt, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as magic seeped into Lancelot.

Lancelot stood there like a puppet, eyes closed, arms hanging down. His chest was still moving. After what felt like an eternity, he gasped for breath, and his eyes opened.

Merlin stared. Lancelot’s eyes took in his surroundings, finally landing on Merlin and Gwen, and Merlin wanted to jump in the air and celebrate.

There was no mistaking it; that look in his eyes, the sharp intelligence and kindness that shone in that dark brown… It was Lancelot. _Their_ Lancelot.

Merlin was so happy, he was barely aware of the world moving around him. Lancelot and Gwen locking eyes. Gwen running to her returned love and embracing him and kissing him as tears ran down her face and she sobbed between kisses.

Merlin didn’t come back to himself until Lancelot had Gwen in his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head, and their eyes met. Lancelot smiled, that smile that Merlin had missed so much.

“Merlin,” he said, in that way that had always made Merlin feel loved and valued. “Thank you,” Lancelot said, tears in his voice. “Thank you.”

And then, once Gwen was finally able to let Lancelot go, Merlin threw his arms around him and felt the living, breathing body of his friend, and he thought the joy might kill him.

“Lancelot,” Merlin choked out. “My friend. How I’ve missed you.”

*

“There has to be another way,” Merlin said, pacing back and forth in Arthur’s chambers.

“I’m all ears if you have suggestions, Merlin,” Arthur replied. He paced, as well, on the other side of the room. “Agravaine saw them with his own eyes! I can’t deny his claim. An accusation of infidelity is one the council won’t forgive, and they wouldn’t accept my forgiveness of it. It’s either this, or we see them both executed.”

Merlin ran both hands through his hair. “I know you’re right, I know. I just wish it wasn’t so.” He faced Arthur. “We just got him back.”

Arthur looked at him sadly, and crossed the room to take him in his arms. Merlin let himself be held against Arthur’s chest, and pretended he didn’t notice his tears getting Arthur’s shirt wet.

“I know how much he means to you, love,” Arthur said softly. “I don’t want you to have to lose him again. Hell, I don’t want to lose him again. And Gwen… I can’t even picture our lives without her.” He paused, and Merlin felt him swallow. “But this is the only way we can save their lives.”

Merlin forced himself to take a breath. “At least they will be together,” he said.

“Exactly.” Arthur kissed the top of Merlin’s head. “And so will we. Even if the circumstances aren’t ideal.”

Merlin nodded against Arthur’s chest. He knew this was the only way. He just really hated that the price of getting Lancelot back meant letting him go.

*

“Guinevere and Lancelot,” Arthur said before the council. Gwen and Lancelot were on their knees before him. He hated to see it, but he had seen that living glint in Lancelot’s eyes, and that was comforting. “I hereby banish you both from Camelot, never to return. I want you both to live with the knowledge of what you have done, and never be free of the guilt.”

Murmurs broke out amongst the council. He knew his decision was going to be controversial, but it was not without precedent, as his trip to the library had proved.

They might all think him weak for this, but Arthur couldn’t care. This was the only way Lancelot and Guinevere could be together and safe, no matter that losing them would cause pain to both Arthur and Merlin. Small price to pay, really.

Their friends deserved to live a happy life together. It had been denied them long enough.

*

With Elyan’s help, Arthur and Merlin successfully snuck out of the palace and into the forest after dark. They found Gwen and Lancelot waiting for them in the shadows beneath hanging branches. Arthur instantly went to Lancelot, their hands clasping together and embracing the way knights – and brothers – did.

“Lancelot,” Arthur said. “There are no words to describe how good it is to see you as yourself again.”

“As there are no words to express my gratitude,” Lancelot replied.

“I just wish we didn’t have to leave you,” Gwen said, standing between Merlin and Elyan, clinging to them both. “I know it must be so, but… What about you?”

She looked up at Merlin, and he did his best to smile at her. “Arthur and I will be alright. We’ll figure something out. We always do, don’t we?” He winked at Gwen. “As long as we know that you two are safe and together, nothing else matters.”

“He’s right,” Arthur agreed. “Don’t worry about us, please, Gwen.”

“As if you could stop her,” Lancelot said, smiling fondly at Gwen. She looked down with a guilty but happy smile.

“Will we ever see each other again?” Gwen asked, smile fading. She looked between her brother, Arthur and Merlin.

“I’d like to think so,” Arthur said. “Once enough time has passed.”

Merlin smiled. “Of course we’ll see each other again,” he said. “We’re family, aren’t we? A little obligatory banishment can’t take that away.”

Gwen laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder, and both Lancelot and Arthur’s smiles brightened. They exchanged warm glances, and then, sadly, it was time to say goodbye.

“You’ll be alright,” Lancelot said as he embraced Merlin. “I truly believe that.”

“So will you, Lancelot,” Merlin replied. “Just don’t go dying on us again, alright? I don’t think any of us could take it.”

And like that, Arthur, Merlin and Elyan watched Gwen and Lancelot walk away, hand in hand through the forest, until they disappeared from view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of the quarantine both in the country where I live and in many others, I decided to post one chapter daily until season 4 is done, in case someone in isolation is reading this and needs something to distract them <3 Encouraging other fic writers to consider doing the same thing - we all have to try to keep each other sane in these crazy ass time we live in!


	9. S4E10 – A Herald of the New Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episode 10, series 4 of BBC Merlin - A Herald of the New Age.
> 
> Arthur re-lives one of the most shameful events of his past. He might have been able to handle it better if Merlin hadn't heard very word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this both healed and broke my heart, I'm happy to finally share it <3

Merlin was very good by now at recognising when Arthur lied to him. Arthur had sent him away under false pretenses and said he would go to bed early. Merlin knew better. He knew how Arthur got when he blamed himself, and so it wasn’t hard to wait in the darkness until he saw Arthur leave his chambers and walk down the corridor, wrapped in a cloak. Merlin followed, as close as he dared.

Arthur took a torch when he reached the castle tunnels, and Merlin fell back a little further to avoid detection, but there was no chance Merlin would leave Arthur to this alone, not with a vindictive spirit after him. In Elyan’s body, that spirit would be capable of a lot of damage.

It wasn’t until they were in the forest that Merlin lost sight of Arthur. He searched all around him, but found no trace. He was just starting to panic when a voice saying his name made him spin around in surprise.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he said when Arthur pulled down the hood of his cloak.

“What the hell are you doing creeping around in the woods?” Arthur asked, as if he didn’t know.

“I’m following you! What the hell are _you_ doing creeping around in the woods?”

Arthur sighed and removed his cloak. “Something I should’ve done a long time ago.”

“Elyan could be out here,” Merlin said. “Do you know how dangerous that is?”

“I have to face him,” Arthur said with that stupid, stubborn tone. “Feel free to go back to Camelot anytime you like.” Arthur started walking, with Merlin following right behind him. Arthur stopped and glanced over his shoulder. “You’re not going back, then?”

“Thought I might tag along,” Merlin said. “Don’t want you getting lost and scared. Oh, and I love you and I’m not about to leave you alone in danger, you clotpole.”

Merlin could swear he saw a small smile on Arthur’s lips before the king turned and kept walking, this time letting Merlin follow without incident.

Merlin wasn’t exactly surprised when they entered the druid shrine and Arthur continued moving past the flags, despite Merlin’s protest.

“Whatever it is that we’re doing, in the dark, when it’s incredibly scary and dangerous,” Merlin muttered under his breath as they moved through the shrine. They finally stopped at its centre. Arthur drew his sword and placed it on a rock.

“That a good idea?” Merlin asked. “We might be needing it.”

“I’m not sure a sword would be much use against a spirit,” Arthur said lowly.

“What about Elyan?” Merlin pointed out. Arthur took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Merlin,” he said. “I didn’t want you to have to see this.” Arthur took another breath and raised his voice, shouting into the darkness. “I’m here! That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“What are you doing?” Merlin hissed. Arthur looked at him, and Merlin was shocked to see the sadness and regret in Arthur’s eyes.

“Everything Gaius said about this place is right except one thing,” Arthur said, his voice shaking. “A thing I never wanted you to have to know about me. It wasn’t my father that led the raid on the druid camp. I did.”

Before Merlin could decide how to react, Elyan’s body, dripping wet and possessed by the druid boy, appeared before them, and Arthur turned to face him without hesitation.

“My blood is on your hands,” Elyan/the Druid boy said. “I cannot rest because of what you did.”

“I know.” Arthur knelt on his knees and held out his hands, and Merlin could hear when the tears in his voice. “I am responsible for what happened to you. And for all the violence that happened here.”

Merlin felt as though his mind was no longer in his body as he listened.

“When I led the attack on your camp,” Arthur struggled to say, “I was young and inexperienced. I was desperate to prove myself to my men… To my father…”

The possessed Elyan walked a little closer to Arthur, never looking away from the crying king on his knees before him. Merlin couldn’t move, could hardly tell if he breathed.

“I told the men to spare the women and children, but I know that some of them ignored the order. And there was so much happening. I wanted to stop it… I froze. I didn’t know what to do.”

Elyan stepped closer to Arthur. Merlin wanted to move, to rush forward to stand between them, but Arthur’s voice was in pieces, sobs tearing words from his throat and Merlin couldn’t do anything, nothing at all.

“I can still hear the screams,” Arthur mourned. “I cannot right this wrong. Nothing I can ever do will change the horrors that happened that day. But I can promise you that, now that I am king, I will do everything that I can to prevent anything like this ever happening again. From this day forth, the Druid people will be treated with the respect they deserve. I give you my word.”

The Druid boy in Elyan’s body drew the knight’s sword as he stopped before Arthur.

“I am truly sorry for what happened to you,” Arthur whispered through his tears.

Merlin watched as, to his shock and relief, Elyan dropped the sword to the ground. The Druid boy in him took Arthur by the shoulders and helped him to his feet, and then he hugged him. Merlin exhaled, still unable to move.

“I forgive you,” the Druid boy said.

Elyan stepped backwards, and Merlin and Arthur watched as the spirit left Elyan in the shape of white smoke, fading into the air. Elyan blinked, confused.

“Arthur?” he asked, before he collapsed. Arthur caught him before he could hit the ground, and finally Merlin could move to help Arthur carry Elyan, but he still couldn’t make himself breathe normally. Silent tears still ran down Arthur’s cheek, and he wouldn’t look at Merlin, not even a glance. Not a word.

This was going to be difficult, Merlin realised. For now, they carried Elyan in silence back to Camelot.

*

Merlin had given Arthur his space as long as he could. Now they needed to talk.

Merlin entered the king’s chambers carrying his laundry. Arthur looked up from his desk, where he was reading. Merlin thought he still wasn’t quite looking directly at him.

“How’s Elyan?” he asked. “Is he going to be alright?”

“Gaius says he’s going to make a full recovery,” Merlin assured him.

Arthur was silent for a moment. “Good.”

“You know… I’m proud of you, for what you said at the shrine,” Merlin said as he put Arthur’s clothes away.

“You don’t have to say that, Merlin.” Arthur was staring at his desk, and Merlin noticed his clenched jaw and tight fists.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

Arthur’s fist smashed hard against the desk, making Merlin flinch in surprise. “Stop it,” he begged, and Merlin finally heard the tears in his throat. “Stop acting as though what you heard doesn’t change everything between us.”

_Oh, Arthur._

Merlin abandoned the laundry and circled Arthur’s desk, gently putting a hand on Arthur’s tense shoulder. “The only thing that’s changed,” he said softly, “is that now I know exactly how much you’ve grown. Now I can truly see how hard you’ve worked to become a better man than your father raised you to be. He wanted you to be merciless and brutal. Yet there you were, ready to accept responsibility for your wrongs. Wrongs you regret. That is something Uther never would have done.”

Carefully, Merlin moved his hand down Arthur’s arm and wrapped it around his closed fist. “Do not think I can hate you for whatever crimes you have committed in the past, when you are working so hard to repair them now.”

A shudder went through Arthur and a sob escaped him, and Merlin wrapped his arms around him, holding onto Arthur tightly, whispering words of love in his ear as the fear and pain and tension slowly ebbed out of Arthur, until his breathing slowed and his heartbeat returned to normal. Then Merlin led Arthur out of his chair and to his bed, where they both lay down on top of the covers, wrapped up in each other.

Neither of them spoke for a very long time. Merlin had said everything he needed Arthur to hear, and now he was content to wait until Arthur was ready.

Eventually, Arthur whispered against Merlin’s throat. “I love you.”

That, in itself, was evidence of how far Arthur Pendragon had come, and Merlin was proud and full of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://raincs.tumblr.com/ Stuck in quarantine? Bored out of your skull? Feel free to message me on tumblr if you need a stranger to rant with about fandom stuff! Gotta have each other's back in this prologue-to-the-apocalypse!


	10. S4E11 – The Hunter’s Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episode 11, series 4 of BBC Merlin - The Hunter’s Heart.
> 
> Tensions run high when Camelot is visited by someone who could be its future Queen... and Arthur's wife.

Merlin was finishing preparing Arthur for his address to the council. Arthur could feel the tension and nerves coming off Merlin, though he tried to hide it.

“Are you sure you’re alright with this?” he asked.

“We’ve talked about this,” Merlin said.

“That doesn’t make it any easier. Or answer my question.”

Merlin sighed and looked at Arthur. “It’s just so soon. I know it has to happen, I just wish… I just wish we had more time.”

Arthur leaned forward and kissed Merlin briefly, fondly. “I know. So do I. But…”

“This is about what’s best for Camelot,” Merlin said before Arthur could. “We both know this has to be done.” Merlin’s gaze filled with resolve. “Gwen was right. A king must marry eventually.”

Merlin and Arthur nodded to each other, both of them as determined as they were sad. Merlin kissed Arthur one more time, and they left for the council chamber.

*

“My lords, fellow Knights, gentlemen…” Arthur stood before the crowded room. Merlin watched from his spot beside Gaius, trying not to shake. “As you are all aware,” Arthur said, “Camelot’s claim to the lands of Gedref has long been in dispute. Today I can announce that, after many months of confidential negotiations, the kingdoms of Nemeth and Camelot have reached an agreement.”

Murmurs of speculation started instantly among the gathering crowd. Gaius glanced at Merlin, but he kept his gaze fixed directly at Arthur. If he didn’t, he might forget why they were doing this. _This is the right thing to do._

“There’s nothing to fear,” Arthur assured the Council. “It is a fair and honourable agreement that benefits two great kingdoms. Furthermore,” Arthur took a breath, and for a moment, his eyes locked on Merlin. Merlin forced himself to nod in encouragement. “Furthermore, our friendship will be cemented by a union that cannot be broken. My hand in marriage to Her Royal Highness, Princess Mithian.”

The murmurs started up again and the room burst into applause, and this time Merlin couldn’t ignore Gaius’s eyes on him. “You knew about this, didn’t you?” the old man asked. Merlin nodded. “And you’re alright with it?”

“Of course,” Merlin said, but even to his own ears, it didn’t sound convincing.

“Then you might want to smile,” Gaius said sadly. “And clap. Smile and clap.”

Merlin shook himself out of his self-pitying stupor, plastered the closest thing he could manage to a smile on his face, and clapped.

Inside, his heart ached.

*

Merlin walked with Arthur through the corridor when Gwaine found them. 

“How come we didn’t know any of this?” he asked Arthur. He sounded upset. “How come you didn’t say anything?”

“That’s what “confidential” means, Gwaine,” Arthur said. “We couldn’t share the information until the details were finalized.”

“Come on,” Gwaine said. “You can’t really do this.

“No, you’re right,” Arthur said. “Oh, wait a second. I’m king, so I can and I have to.”

“But –” Gwaine glanced between Merlin and Arthur.

“But what?” Arthur asked.

“Nothing,” Merlin said quickly, realising what Gwaine was about to do and needing more than anything to stop him.

“No, not nothing,” Gwaine said, shrugging apologetically at Merlin before he locked his brown eyes on Arthur. “You’re in love with Merlin. He loves _you._ You’re really going to get married and parade a queen in front of him every day? You’re not truly that heartless!”

“Gwaine, stop!” Merlin said, but Arthur held up his hand to silence him.

“No,” Arthur said. “No, Gwaine is right. He’s your friend, and he is right to speak up.” Arthur’s voice was hard, the way it was when he tried to contain his emotions. “I assume you are not the only knight to feel this way, Gwaine, though I suspect you are the only one brave enough to say it to my face.”

Arthur looked around, and once he was certain they were alone in the corridor, he took Merlin’s hand in his. “You’re right, I never want to cause Merlin any pain,” Arthur said solemnly. “But we both know that as King, this is an inevitability. I must marry. While none of us are happy about it, both Merlin and I know it must be done. For Camelot. Do you understand?”

Gwaine searched Arthur’s face for a long time, then looked at Merlin. Merlin nodded. Gwaine ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“Well, alright then, princess,” he said. “I suppose if that’s your decision, there’s nothing I can do but watch you both be idiots, is there?”

“Indeed,” Arthur said at the same time Merlin, offended, said “Hey!”

Gwaine just smiled, shook his head, and walked past them down the corridor.

*

The entire court was gathered in the square to watch the arrival of Princess Mithian, with all her guards. Arthur stood still, wearing his crown. He hated wearing the crown. It was heavy and made his head ache, but he couldn’t exactly do anything about that.

The visiting party came to a halt.

“Knights of Nemeth,” he said, making his voice carry as much as he could. “Camelot welcomes you and extends the hand of friendship.”

The foreign knights moved aside so their princess could approach. Arthur stepped forward to meet her, stopping before her horse. Princess Mithian raised the veil covering her face and looked down at him, expectantly.

There was no denying she was beautiful. Her face, her smile, her radiant eyes, they all lit up the Kingdom. Arthur even found his breath catching, like it would if he was looking at a stunning painting by a master. But this wasn’t a painting; it was a real human being, and one he was meant to marry.

She seemed good-naturedly amused by Arthur’s reaction to her beauty, and Arthur wanted desperately to look behind him to see what expression Merlin wore right now, what he was making of the situation. Arthur knew he couldn’t, but he thought he could at least feel Merlin’s eyes on his back, and that helped.

“Princess Mithian,” Arthur greeted as her knights helped her dismount. “You are most welcome.”

The Princess approached him. “Thank you, Your Highness.” Her voice was as lovely as her visage. “I have heard much about you, and you are more handsome in person than reports suggested.”

Arthur has _not_ prepared for the compliment. “Erm…”

“Are we to stay in this chill all day?” Princes Mithian asked, helping him focus.

“Forgive me,” Arthur said, shaking his head at himself. He took the princess’s hand and turned to face the awaiting crowd. “Tomorrow there will be a great feast to welcome our worthy friends,” he announced. The councilmen and courtiers applauded happily.

Arthur found Merlin in the crowd. Merlin wasn’t smiling like the rest. Instead, Merlin looked deeply sad, as much as he tried not to. He stared at the princess, and when he glanced at Arthur and saw he was noticed, Merlin tried to smile. It didn’t work. Arthur had already seen Merlin’s true feelings.

Merlin wasn’t as alright with this as he had let Arthur believe.

Honestly, Arthur wasn’t sure if he was, either.

*

Merlin knew Arthur was trying to make eye contact with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look. Luckily, there was enough going on to keep Merlin occupied at the feast. Drunk courtiers and knights meant Merlin had plenty of work to keep himself busy.

He knew from what he had observed and what he’d heard from other servants, that Princess Mithian was a warm person who treated the servants well and firmly believed in serving her kingdom through this marriage with Arthur.

Merlin was rather annoyed at that. It would have easier to dislike her if she wasn’t so… likable. He didn’t _want_ to be jealous, it didn’t suit him, but he could hear Arthur and the Princess laughing and talking even without looking at them, and it made him feel like there was a burning iron in his chest. Eventually, though, he knew he couldn’t be seen shirking his duties any longer.

“Would you like more soup, sire?” Merlin stood behind Arthur’s chair. The King whipped around just a little too fast and locked eyes on him. Just like that, the pain in Merlin’s chest faded. If only he could always be looking into Arthur’s eyes, then he would never doubt.

“No, thanks,” Arthur said softly. His blue eyes spoke of all the things he wanted to say.

“You sure?” Merlin asked, because now that he was here, he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to leave Arthur alone with this beautiful princess who wanted to marry him, the princess who would ruin what they had together whether she meant to or not.

Arthur nodded, but he kept his eyes on Merlin for several seconds longer than he needed to. Merlin nodded, too, needing Arthur to know that they were in the same place, both of them wanting something but forced to act like they didn’t.

“You were saying?” the Princess asked as Merlin backed away. He noticed her putting her hand on Arthur’s arm.

“Erm,” Arthur said, trying to gather himself. “I… was very surprised.”

Merlin turned his back to them and tried to focus his attention on anything else. He did note, though, that Agravaine approached Arthur at one point that night, had a brief discussion with him, and retreated from the feast just as quickly as he had arrived.

Gaius had told him there was something going on with a dead guard. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be any good if Agravaine was involved.

*

Arthur walked Mithian back to her chambers in awkward silence. Well, it wasn’t really awkward – Mithian was easy company – but Arthur couldn’t stop seeing Merlin’s hurt eyes whenever he blinked, and it was distracting. He tried to shake himself of it. Nothing he could do for it now.

“I’m afraid the Festival of Ostara will soon be upon us,” he said, aiming for casual.

“Should I be worried?” Mithian asked with a smile.

“It’s a tradition in Camelot to have a hunt that day, but Merlin can arrange a tour of the city for you, if you wish.”

“A tour?”

“Some of the buildings go back many centuries.”

“Arthur,” Mithian said. “I love hunting.”

Arthur stopped and looked at her. “Really?”

“Really.”

Arthur thought it was rather unfair of the princess to be so likable.

“I believe these are my chambers,” Mithian added, and Arthur finally noticed where they were. “Of course.”

“Well then I bid you good night, sire.” Mithian held out her hand. Arthur only hesitated for a moment before he kissed it.

“Goodnight, Princess.” He released her hand and hesitated, knowing he should say something more. He was meant to be encouraging this marriage, after all, and she deserved some effort on his part. “Mithian?” he managed, just as she was turning to leave. She paused.

“Yes, my lord?”

“I was... thinking, perhaps…” Gods, how did people do this? He had no idea what he was doing. He’d never truly had to court anyone before, it just sort of… happened.

“Yes?” Mithian prompted.

“You… might like some breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” Mithian asked, her confusion understandable given the moon was out.

“Tomorrow. With me.” Arthur wasn’t sure he’d ever felt more awkward in his life. Mithian smiled, though, and looked like she was trying not to laugh. “A picnic, er, somewhere,” Arthur continued. “Nice. Somewhere nice.”

“I look forward to it,” the princess said, and finally went into her room. Arthur thought he might sag to the floor and become one with the hallway, he was so relieved for that to be over.

But now that everyone in the palace was either drunk or sleeping, Arthur couldn’t waste any more time. He had to see Merlin.

*

Merlin jumped up from where he’d been reading on his bed. Arthur closed the bedroom door behind him. “What are you doing here?” Merlin asked. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”

“I’m sorry to intrude,” Arthur said. “But… I had to see you.”

He remained by the door, looking unsure of himself and what he might be permitted. Merlin decided to make it easier for him, and closed the short distance between them. Arthur’s arms were around his waist as soon as he was within reach, and Merlin rested his hands against Arthur’s chest, breathing him in.

“There,” Arthur said. “That’s better.”

“I take it you missed me?” Merlin asked with a crooked smile.

“I know we were in the same room all night,” Arthur said, leaning his forehead against Merlin’s. “But it felt like we were miles away.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

The two of them stood in silence for a while, enjoying taking up the same space, breathing the same air and feeling the other near. Once Merlin was certain that they were _them_ again, and not King and servant, he let out a breath.

“This is hard,” he admitted into the silence of his bedroom.

Arthur’s arms tightened around him. “I know it is. For me, too.”

“I know it’s important,” Merlin said. “But I don’t like seeing you with her. Acting…”

“Acting publicly the way you and I cannot?” Arthur finished for him. Merlin nodded, embarrassed to admit to his petty jealousy. “I can’t know how this feels for you, Merlin. But I need you to know that there is no one I would rather have by my side, in public or in private, than you.”

Merlin knew Arthur meant it, heard the love in his voice and felt it flowing from his body everywhere they touched. “I wish knowing that made it easier,” he whispered.

Arthur’s lips pressed against his hair. “As do I. Now, I will ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me. Do you promise?”

“Always,” Merlin replied.

“If this is too much for you,” Arthur said, “you don’t have to have front-row seats. I can assign other servants, you don’t need to–”

“No!” Merlin said, pulling back to look Arthur in the eyes. “No, don’t even think about it. I don’t care how hard this is. I need to be with you through this, as much as I can. I may be selfish and petty and jealous, but I’m not stupid. I know you’re struggling just as much, and the least I can do is ensure that neither of us go through this alone.”

Arthur stared at him, mouth slightly open, and then he smiled. “Every time I think I couldn’t possibly love you more…” Arthur leaned forward and kissed him, and for a while, all their troubles were forgotten, and all that existed was Arthur, Merlin, and the small world of Merlin’s room.

*

Arthur’s heart felt lighter after his talk with Merlin the night before, but he still wanted Merlin to know that no matter what, he came first in his heart. The best way he could think to do that was by mocking him as relentlessly as he would on any other day.

Arthur led Mithian through the forest to an outlook with a wonderful view. Merlin followed behind carrying an intentionally overlarge bundle of food, blankets and pillows. Arthur stopped them at a decent spot on the ridge.

“How about here? What do you think?” he asked Mithian.

“Well, the view is certainly spectacular,” the princess agreed.

“Yes.” Arthur waited for Merlin to drop all the gear to the ground, panting from the effort, before crouching. “Ground isn’t really smooth, is it? It’s a bit bumpy.”

He stood and walked a few paces to the left. “Ah! What about over here?” Arthur could practically feel Merlin rolling his eyes. “Ah, yes, this is much better. Merlin?”

Merlin picked up all the gear again, and sent Arthur a glare as he passed him, but he was also, clearly, trying not to laugh.

Merlin dropped the gear on the new spot, and Mithian joined Arthur. “Perfect,” Arthur declared. “Perfect.” Merlin started rubbing his shoulder. “Yet, is the view really as good?”

Mithian laughed. “ _Arthur_ ,” she said accusingly.

“You prefer the original. Right, then. Merlin!” Arthur started back to the original spot, but Mithian stopped him.

“Don’t be so mean,” she said with a smile. “This is perfect.”

Arthur looked at Merlin. “Perfect, is it?”

Merlin shook his head, fighting a smile. “Your Highnesses will be too busy staring at each other’s lovely faces to mind the view, anyway.”

Mithian laughed at that, and Arthur had to concede. “I suppose this will have to do.”

When Mithian turned her back to Arthur to help Merlin with the blankets, the two men locked eyes, and they both smiled like fools.

Later, as Arthur and Mithian lounged on the pillows with their food and drink, Merlin leaned against a nearby tree trunk, pretending not to be watching them, but Arthur knew better. Once, when Mithian laughed particularly hard at something Arthur said, her goblet fell over as if out of nowhere, nearly staining her dress. As she wiped it away, Arthur glanced towards Merlin, who muttered a very sincere “sorry” and looked horrified at himself.

It seemed Merlin’s magic wasn’t very happy with the situation, either.

*

“You’re not a fan of hunting?” came a voice from behind him, and Merlin stopped in his tracks. _No no no, come on, don’t make me talk to you._ The picnic that morning had been tolerable because Arthur had made it so, but he wasn’t ready to face Mithian alone.

But he couldn’t very well move on with his duties when a princess stood behind him, waiting for a reply. He forced himself to turn around.

“What sport is it when one side has dogs and spears and crossbows and the other nothing?” He really _had_ been meaning to be polite.

“Not much of a fan of me, either, are you?” the Princess asked, catching Merlin by surprise. He hadn’t expected her to be paying attention to him.

She clearly noticed his surprise. “Come on, Merlin, I’d have to be a fool not to notice,” she said, though she didn’t sound angry.

“I’m sorry if I caused offence,” Merlin said, and found he meant it. It wasn’t _her_ fault that Arthur had to marry her, though he thought he’d been hiding his unhappiness fairly well from everyone except Arthur.

“I’m sure you have good reasons,” Mithian said. “One thing I’ve learned since being here is that Arthur values your opinion above almost all others.”

“Oh…” Merlin tried to scoff, but he couldn’t help but smile a little. She had noticed that much even as they’d been pretending not to be close.

“Even if he’d be the last person to admit it,” Mithian added, and Merlin laughed.

“You can say that again.”

Mithian fixed her kind gaze on Merlin’s. “I like him, Merlin. I really do. I didn’t expect to, but… Well, he’s a lovable person, isn’t he? Underneath it all.”

Damn her, Merlin thought. Damn her for being likable and kind and seeing Arthur for the incredible person he was if you just got past the fact that he was King.

“All I ask,” Mithian continued, “is that you give me a chance. Can you do that?”

Merlin swallowed. “Yeah,” he forced out, because what else was there to say? He was sure there were worse potential wives out there than Mithian, in any case.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. She walked away, leaving Merlin feeling confused, guilty, and with a desperate need to see Arthur that he felt he couldn’t give into right now. Arthur needed to stay focused on the matter at hand.

Securing his engagement.

*

The hunt – like all hunts – was tedious and frustrating, but at least Merlin got to watch Arthur enjoying himself, even if it was alongside Mithian, who was also enjoying herself.

“Maybe we should call it a day,” Merlin mumbled when they had been walking for what felt like hours without spotting a single potential prey.

“Nonsense,” Arthur said. “We’ve barely begun.”

“Not much point in hunting if there’s nothing to hunt, is there?” Merlin said. He didn’t have to look up at Arthur on his horse to know the King was probably rolling his eyes. He was more than used to Merlin’s sour mood on hunts.

“Well, we could always give _you_ a five minute head start, Merlin,” Arthur said cheerfully, and Merlin tried to hide his smile. Arthur gently kicked Merlin in the shoulder, and Merlin’s hidden smile widened.

“Deer!” Sir Leon’s voice rang out, and like that, the chase began. Merlin fell back as the others chased the poor doe through the woods. Merlin paused when he spotted the animal through the trees, looking terrified and panicked. Something about the deer’s eyes made his senses sharpen, his magic focus as he took her in. The doe ran over a pond, and Merlin saw, clear as day, the reflection in it.

The doe was Gwen.

*

“Gwen!” Merlin shouted into the dark forest. “Gwen! Gwen?”

The hunt had ended once they lost the deer, Merlin had tried his best to hide the tracks and the hunting party had given up. Arthur clearly noticed Merlin’s unease, but Merlin hadn’t found the time to tell him what he’d seen. All he could think about was making sure Gwen was safe.

When he finally found her, she was unconscious and shaking from the cold and shock. There was a crossbow bolt stuck in her leg. Merlin set about pulling it out and healing the wound. He waited until Gwen’s shaking stopped, and then he waited by her side as she slept. Dawn was breaking by the time she woke up.

“Merlin!”

“I knew that was you,” Merlin said, smiling. “How are you, Gwen?”

She sat up and hugged him tightly, and he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m all right!”

“You were injured,” Merlin pointed out. “I healed you.”

“Oh yes,” Gwen leaned back, thinking. “I remember now. Thank you.” Her eyes widened in fear. “Where’s Morgana?”

Merlin went cold. “She was here?”

“She enchanted me. She and the Southrons and Helios, they’re planning to attack Camelot.”

“They’d never succeed, they must know that.”

“They have help,” Gwen said. “Agravaine gave them the plans for the siege tunnels under the citadel.”

Merlin clenched his fists in anger. “Agravaine. Of course. I have to tell Arthur.” Merlin got to his feet, then hesitated. “Wait, Gwen, where is Lancelot?”

She looked down. “We got separated when Helios attacked the village we were staying in. I’m not certain what happened to him, but we had a place we planned to meet if we ever got separated.”

“Then you have to go there,” Merlin said. “You need to be with him.”

“I know,” Gwen said. She let Merlin help her to her feet. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you in a time like this. But…”

“You’re still banished,” Merlin said sadly. “I know.”

Gwen smiled a small smile. “You have to go. Tell Arthur of the danger.” She pulled Merlin in for another embrace.

“I’ll see you again,” he whispered in her ear. “Give Lancelot my best.”

Then they had to let each other go.

*

“Arthur, I need to talk to you.” Merlin entered the King’s chambers without wasting time on knocking – Arthur could add it to the list of things Merlin was certain he would hate him for later on.

“What is it, Merlin?” Arthur asked from the window. He sounded miserable. Merlin hated to add to it.

“Sire, this is important,” Merlin said, hoping the title helped Arthur realise the seriousness of the situation. “Very important.”

Arthur turned to look at him. “What are you talking about?”

Merlin swallowed. “I need you to come with me. I… I have reason to think Agravaine stole the plans for the siege tunnels from the vault.”

*

Arthur, as Merlin had predicted, did _not_ take the accusation very well. He led the way through the castle with Merlin in tow, marching angrily towards the vaults.

“This idea is preposterous!” Arthur practically shouted. “I’ve known my uncle since I was a child! I refuse to believe that he would ever betray Camelot. Whatever Gwen thinks she heard, she is mistaken.”

They reached the scroll vault, and Arthur unlocked the cabinet in question. “Plans for the siege tunnels are kept here.” He yanked open the cabinet, and soon after, pulled out the very map. Merlin stared at it, stomach sinking.

“I don’t understand,” he said, just as, to his horror, Agravaine entered the room. Arthur put the scroll away, very much not looking at Merlin.

“I came as soon as I could, my lord,” Agravaine said. “Is there a problem?”

“No, Uncle,” Arthur said. “Not at all. I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you.”

“Can we please–” Merlin tried, but Arthur held his hand up to stop him.

“Merlin, if you know what’s good for you, you will not speak another word.” Arthur’s voice was hard and cold, the kind of distant he hadn’t directed at Merlin in a very long time, and it made Merlin’s heart hurt.

He was never going to win this argument, he knew. Arthur was too desperate to believe that he could trust his uncle, and Merlin wouldn’t convince him otherwise, not without undeniable evidence.

Arthur turned his back on Merlin as he locked up the cabinet. Merlin glanced at Agravaine, whose eyes were on Arthur, and there was a smirk on his face that made Merlin’s magic itch to make his entire face disappear.

*

Arthur hadn’t felt rage like this in a long time, and while he hoped Merlin knew better than to seek him out like this, he wasn’t entirely surprised to find Merlin outside his door later that night. The sorcerer had no sense of self preservation.

“I don’t want to see you right now,” Arthur said firmly.

“Too bad.” Merlin pushed himself past Arthur into the room. Arthur sighed in frustration and closed the door. It wasn’t as though he would remove Merlin by force.

“I mean it,” Arthur said. “I don’t want to say something to you that I might regret.”

“I know you’re angry,” Merlin said. “You don’t have to speak. You just have to listen. I know Agravaine is your uncle, and I won’t ever say he’s done anything to betray you ever again. Perhaps I’m wrong. Maybe Gwen is, too. It doesn’t really matter, because right or wrong, I know you would never turn against him without evidence.” Merlin took a deep breath. “But if something is brought to my attention that might harm you, don’t think for a moment that I won’t look into it, no matter how little you want it to be true, because I love you, even when you’re a stubborn fool, even when you act like a royal pain in the ass, and even when you’re courting a lovely princess before my very eyes. That’s just how it is.”

Merlin was slightly out of breath, panting after his speech. He rubbed his neck, which was as red as his ears, which was entirely unfair because Arthur loved when Merlin’s ears turned red like that.

“There, that’s all I have to say.” Merlin started walking towards the door, but Arthur stopped him with a hand on his wrist as he passed. Merlin paused and met Arthur’s gaze. Arthur made an effort to swallow his rage and focus on Merlin’s words which had wormed their way into his heart.

“I’m… glad you stopped by,” Arthur said, voice trembling just a little. He leaned in and kissed Merlin briefly, because he was still angry but he needed Merlin to know that his anger didn’t change anything, that it was temporary.

“So am I,” Merlin said once his lips were free. “Good night, sire.”

Arthur watched Merlin walk through the door, and the weight of everything came crashing down on him as soon as he was alone.

Faces flickered before him, Mithian and Merlin and even Gwen and Lance, the two of them representing everything that was right and true about love.

Arthur found himself, not for the first time, having no idea what he was supposed to do.

*

Arthur sat on the edge of his bed, fully dressed in his chainmail, when Merlin entered the next morning. Merlin stood awkwardly just inside the door, not entirely certain what to say, or if his presence was entirely welcome.

“Have you not slept, sire?” he asked tentatively. Arthur didn’t move, and Merlin risked moving a little closer. “Is there anything you need?”

“I don’t know what to do.” The words seemed to almost fall from Arthur’s mouth without his permission. “I have no idea… what to do.” Arthur looked at Merlin. “What should I do, Merlin?”

“Oh, Arthur.” Merlin sat next to him on the bed and took Arthur’s hand in his. “I can’t tell you what to do. All I know is that no one would sacrifice more for Camelot than you, and I will always support that part of you, as I will support every part of you. You must do what your heart tells you, sire.”

“Merlin…” Arthur rubbed his thumb gently over Merlin’s skin. “You deserve so much more. You don’t deserve to have to love someone who has to hide you as if you were something shameful. You deserve to love someone who can show you off to the whole world. I know that… Yet I cannot let you go.” His hold on Merlin’s hand tightened. “And I cannot betray you.”

He looked up at Merlin with so much devotion, and Merlin kissed him. “Whatever choice you make, Arthur. I will be by your side for as long as I live. I am the only one who gets to decide what I deserve, and this is it. It’s an easy choice; I am simply yours.”

Arthur’s free hand cupped Merlin’s cheek. “As I am yours.” He paused, staring into Merlin’s eyes for a long moment. “I know what my duties are as king. But I also have a duty to my heart.”

*

Mithian descended the steps of the palace. Her knights awaited her in the square, ready to escort her home. Arthur stood at the bottom of the steps. When Mithian passed him, she didn’t say anything, or even turn towards him.

“Princess,” Arthur said. She stopped and put on her riding gloves, but did not face him. “Please, forgive me,” he said. He hated that in order to do the right thing for himself, he had to hurt someone so kind and sweet.

This time, she turned to him. “The time for words is over, sire,” she said, and he didn’t like that hardness in her eyes.

“I understand,” Arthur replied. “And it is for this reason that I hereby offer you and your decedents all the disputed land of Gedref.”

Mithian considered him, surprised. “You would give up your ancient claims?”

“I have no desire for war. Or to grieve you any more than I already have.”

“Such an offer cannot be rushed into,” Mithian said carefully.

“I’ve had my scribes draw up an agreement.” Arthur held out the scroll towards her. “If you are happy with the terms, I’ll sign forthwith.”

“And if I refuse?”

Arthur hesitated. This time, when the desire to glance over his shoulder hit him, he didn’t deny himself. He looked and found Merlin there, a little way up the steps, watching him fondly. Arthur turned back to the princess.

“It’s all I can offer,” Arthur told her. “I do so most humbly.” He bowed his head in respect, then met her gaze. She held it for a moment, and finally took the scroll. The look in her eyes had changed, a spark of something that no longer looked hard, but rather curious.

“Tell me,” Mithian said. “Who is it that trumps a princess?”

Her almost playful tone told Arthur she might already know the answer. “No one,” he replied, then reconsidered. “And everyone.”

“From a great family, no doubt,” Mithian said, amused and more herself.

“Not at all. From a small farming village, in fact,” Arthur confessed, his stomach fluttering at doing so.

“And for this person, you would risk your kingship? Your kingdom?”

“Without him,” Arthur said in a low voice, not letting himself dance around it any longer, “they’re worth nothing to me.”

Mithian considered his words for a long moment. “Hm.” She looked over Arthur’s shoulder, and smiled softly. Arthur knew exactly who she was looking at. “I would give up my own kingdom,” she said, “to be so loved. Farewell, Arthur.”

Arthur smiled. “Farewell, Princess. I wish you nothing but happiness.”

She returned his smile, and Arthur felt assured that they were separating as friends. He was glad for it. Arthur turned to walk up the steps, and locked eyes with Merlin as he passed him. Merlin grinned, that hurt look he had worn for days was nowhere to be seen.

Arthur’s heart warmed.

All his doubts were gone; he’d made the right decision. Merlin would always be the right decision.


	11. S4E12/13 – The Sword in the Stone Part One & Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-imagining of certain scenes from episodes 12 and 13, series 4 of BBC Merlin - The Sword in the Stone Part One & Two.
> 
> Betrayal, doubt, reunions, love and loss. Here is my take on the Sword in the Stone. If you enjoy it half as much as I enjoyed writing it... You're about to have a very emotional time <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No chapter really makes sense unless you have read the series from the beginning :) Sorry!

“What’s taking so long?” Arthur asked. He’d been waiting behind his dressing screen for an unusually long time.

“It’s the Feast of Beltane! The King must look Kingly,” Merlin replied from somewhere on the other side of the screen.

“I’m hardly going to look kingly in my undergarments, am I?”

“I find you quite kingly in your undergarments,” Merlin said. Arthur could positively hear his smirk. “In fact, it might be the only time I take you seriously as a king.”

Arthur chuckled. “As encouraging as that is…”

“Have a little patience! Think of something pleasant.”

“Something more pleasant than you watching me in my underwear?” Arthur asked. “Hmm… You in the stocks?”

Merlin laughed. “Just wait ooooone second…”

“One.” Arthur stepped out from the screen. Merlin was over by the dining table and spun around to face Arthur. He clearly had something behind his back. “What have you got there?”

“Nothing,” Merlin said. “My hand.” He brought his right hand out from behind his back, hid it again, and waved his left hand. “My other hand.”

Arthur raised his eyebrows. “What was that you said the Druids called you? Greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth?” He walked forward and grabbed Merlin’s shoulders, spinning him around before Merlin could argue.

“Is that my belt?” Arthur asked. “Why are you putting another hole in this belt?”

“I was, er… enhancing it for comfort and ease of use,” Merlin said.

“Are you saying I’m _fat_?” Arthur exclaimed.

“No!” Merlin said quickly. “I’m saying that the belt is one hole shy of perfection.”

Arthur was very close to panicking, but Merlin put the belt down on the table and wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist, pulling him close.

“And not to put too fine a point on it,” Merlin said, “because I know that as a knight, you have to be prepared for battle at all times. But…” He somehow pressed himself even tighter against Arthur’s body. Arthur was finding it very difficult to concentrate. “I happen to like you _quite_ a lot with a little… extra padding. I’m rather grateful for all those banquets and ceremonies you’re forced to attend.”

Arthur’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

The look in Merlin’s eyes told Arthur he was extremely serious, and the passionate kiss Merlin gave him proved it even further. Arthur could hardly breathe when Merlin pulled away.

“Well, erh…” Arthur tried to remember how to speak, which was difficult when Merlin still pressed himself up against him like that. “Duly noted.” Arthur cleared his throat. “Proceed.”

Merlin kissed Arthur’s chin and finally released him. Arthur stumbled back behind the dressing screen, trying to remember that he was king and needed to find his mind again before the feast.

*

The warning bell rang through the palace, bringing the festivities in the dining chamber to a halt. Arthur was on his feet at the same time Gwaine came bursting into the room.

“Sire!” he shouted. “We’re under attack! They’re within the city walls!”

Arthur removed his cloak. “Merlin, get everyone to the inner chamber.”

“Yes, sire,” Merlin replied. “Everyone! Follow me!”

As Merlin waved people out of the room, he watched Arthur jumping over the table and grab his sword. “Gwaine, secure the armoury!” he ordered. “Percival, with me!”

Then he was out of sight, heading to battle.

Once everyone was in the inner chamber, Merlin focused his attention on helping Gaius with the wounded. It was more useful than worrying about Arthur, but he still wished he could be out there assisting the knights.

“The lower town is lost,” Merlin said to Gaius. “It’s only a matter of time before they reach the citadel.”

“How did this happen?” Gaius wondered aloud. “How did they get in without being detected?”

Merlin lowered his voice. “We knew Agravaine was planning something.”

“It seems your worst fears have been realised, Merlin,” Gaius said sadly.

Merlin hesitated. Gaius was right. His fears were coming true, and there was only one place he should be right now. He took off running.

“Merlin!” Gaius shouted after him.

“I’ve got to find Arthur!” Merlin yelled back, and then he was rushing through corridors, making his feet move as fast as he possibly could. He arrived at the Phoenix corridor in time to see the knights mid fight, Arthur elbowing an attacker in the face. The relief was temporary before Merlin noticed Arthur clutching his side. He intercepted Arthur as he struggled to run down the corridor and pulled him around the corner. Arthur yowled in pain.

“Merlin! I told you to–”

“We need to get out of here!” Merlin didn’t have time to humour Arthur. He shoved him ahead of himself down another corridor and looked behind them. Several Southrons were trying to follow them. With a spell, the torches lining the hall filled the width of the corridor with fire, blocking them from their enemies.

“You have to be careful,” Arthur grunted. “Someone will see you.”

“It’ll be fine,” Merlin assured him. They hurried down a courtyard corridor, Arthur still clutching his side. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Arthur tried to lie. Merlin stopped them behind a column, and Arthur grunted. “Maybe a broken rib or two.”

Merlin was about to explain how much that did _not_ equal fine, when something stopped him. Arthur noticed and peeked around the corner of the column to see what had caught Merlin’s eye. What it was, was Helios and Morgana marching through the courtyard, leading the Southron army.

Agravaine was walking with them.

Arthur slumped back against the wall. “Agravaine…” A flicker of grief was quickly replaced by rage, and Merlin had to grab Arthur to stop him from taking on the entire army on his own.

“No!” he hissed into Arthur’s ear. “It’s no good, Arthur! There are too many of them. We can deal with your uncle later. All right?”

Arthur seemed to force himself to look at Merlin, and soon he calmed enough for Merlin to ease his grip.

“Go,” Merlin whispered, and the two of them kept moving around the edge of the courtyard, undetected, until they made it back to the inner chamber.

*

Arthur avoided flinching as Gaius tended to him. “I can bind the ribcage," the physician said, "but even that would run the risk of puncturing a lung.”

“Do whatever it takes, Gaius, just so long as I can swing a sword.” Arthur could still see nothing but the image of his uncle, marching confidently behind Morgana as she led the enemy into the heart of Camelot.

“How do we stand?” Gaius asked, and Arthur turned to notice Gwaine and Percival barring the doors behind them. Gaius hurried over to them, leaving Arthur on his own, however he could still make out their words.

“The citadel is overrun,” Percival replied. “We can’t hold out much longer.”

“How long before they reach us?”

“Minutes at best.”

“If they find Arthur, they’ll kill him,” Merlin said, who had joined them.

“We must get him to safety while we still can,” Percival agreed, much to Arthur’s frustration.

“Arthur would never abandon his people,” Gwaine said. “He’d rather die.”

So at least one of them knew it, Arthur thought. He glanced in their direction, and noticed Merlin and Gwaine exchanging a look.

“Barricade the doors,” Merlin said, and it sounded remarkably like an order. “Give us as much time as you can.”

Gwaine nodded, and Merlin pulled Gaius aside, out of Arthur’s earshot. Arthur huffed. Trust Gwaine to take orders from his friend, regardless of rank. He would have been proud if it wasn’t for the fact that _he_ was the subject.

Arthur waited until Merlin and Gaius approached him. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said instantly, leaving little room for argument.

Merlin looked at Gaius, and then Arthur. “I know how hard this must be…”

“I’m sorry, sire,” Gaius said, addressing Arthur’s wound. “This is going to hurt.”

“Just get on with it,” he said to Gaius, then looked back at Merlin. Merlin looked like he would rather be anywhere else in the world at the moment.

“Arthur… I really hope you forgive me for this later. If there was another way…” Merlin trailed off, just as Gaius pressed against Arthur’s wound, making him shout in pain.

The pain wasn’t quite enough for Arthur not to hear Merlin muttering a spell before everything went dark.

*

Arthur woke up, head heavy and spinning. Once the spinning stopped, he realised he was in a forest. He sat up. He was in a camp, but none of the sleeping figures around him looked familiar. Except Merlin, asleep beside him.

The last thing Arthur remembered was Gaius tending to his wounds and the knights discussing the enemy closing in… And Merlin…

Arthur got to his feet and kicked Merlin in the side. “You better have a damn good explanation for this, Merlin.” The sorcerer opened his eyes and stared up at him in surprise. “Fine, I’ll just carry on kicking you.”

At that, Merlin scrambled to his feet. “Arthur, you’re back!”

“Back. Right.” Arthur crossed his arms. “From after you _enchanted me_!”

At least Merlin looked ashamed. “I had to get you out of there, Arthur. The knights all told you to leave, but you wouldn’t listen. If you stayed there, Camelot wouldn’t stand a chance. As long as you’re alive, Morgana hasn’t won.”

Arthur rubbed between his eyes, not particularly wanting a pep talk at the moment. “Where are we now?”

“We’re headed north to a safe haven, to Ealdor. Hopefully the knights will meet us there.” Merlin looked like he would very much like to become one with the earth, and while Arthur felt he deserved to squirm after what he’d done, present circumstances took priority.

“Who are these people?” he asked, looking around the campsite.

“They’re er… smugglers.”

“Smugglers?!”

“Shhh!” Merlin urged, and Arthur did lower his voice slightly.

“All right, let’s assume that you know what you’re doing. It doesn’t explain why I look like a village idiot.” Arthur’s clothing were at least three sizes too small and belonged to a much shorter person.

“It’s the perfect disguise,” Merlin insisted. “No one would ever suspect you of being, you know… You.”

“Merlin, I can’t go around looking like this.”

Merlin shrugged. “You have to. You’ve got to keep in character.”

“Character?” Arthur asked. “What character?”

“You!” A strange man walked up to them, tall and clearly authoritative among these people. Merlin turned to him. “We leave as soon as the horses are watered. Explain it to the simpleton, would you?”

The man walked away, and Arthur turned to Merlin’s sheepish smile. Arthur had a feeling Merlin was enjoying this far more than he had a right to. When the two of them went to join the others at the wagon, Arthur grabbed his sword from Merlin. There were limits to what he would tolerate.

“Simpleton,” the man Merlin said was named Tristan called on their approach.

“He’s talking to you,” Merlin muttered.

“I don’t answer to that name,” Arthur hissed.

“In character, remember?” Merlin said just as Tristan stopped before them. He looked at the sword in Arthur’s hand.

“Impressive piece,” he said.

Arthur glanced at Merlin, and swore to himself he would make him pay for this later. “Thank you, sir,” he said, in a voice he hadn’t used since he pretended to be a pirate as a child.

“May I?” Tristan asked, holding out his hand. Arthur hesitated, but allowed the man to take the blade. He examined it closely. “Magnificent,” he said, though it sounded more like a scoff than a compliment. “The only place you find workmanship of this quality is the royal forge of Camelot.”

Tristan had the sword against Arthur’s throat surprisingly quick. It took all of Arthur’s training to remain still and not swipe the weapon away from him.

“Tell me,” Tristan said. “How did you come by it?”

“I won it in a card game,” Merlin said easily. “Gave it to him as a present. Won’t be parted from it. Makes him feel safe!”

Tristan didn’t look remotely convinced. Arthur tried nodding like an idiot, which was apparently more convincing, as Tristan handed the sword back to him. Arthur tried hard to hold it like he had no clue how.

“For your sake,” Tristan said menacingly, “I hope that’s true. I’d hate to think that I was riding with a knight of Camelot.”

Mentally listing ways he would get revenge on Merlin, Arthur hugged the sword against his chest and made more pirate-like noises.

The woman Merlin called Isolde joined Tristan’s side, and giggled. “Knight of Camelot? Look at him!”

“You’re right,” Tristan agreed. “Their knights may be stupid, but they’re not _that_ stupid.”

The two smugglers walked off, laughing amongst themselves, and Arthur turned to glare at Merlin. “The ways I’m going to make you suffer for this –”

“Are going to have to wait a little longer,” Merlin said, far too enthusiastic.

“How long?!” Arthur exclaimed, at the same moment a man walking past them got shot to death with an arrow. Just like that, they were in the middle of a Southron attack.

Dodging arrows, Arthur grabbed hold of Merlin and ran for cover behind the wagon. Tristan and Isolde were already there.

“Head for those trees there, we’ll cover you,” Arthur said, simpleton persona firmly dropped – now he was set for battle. The smuggler couple exchanged confused looks at Arthur’s sudden change, but there was no time for that. “Do you want to live or not?”

Tristan started towards Arthur, but Isolde took his arm and pulled him in the direction Arthur had indicated. At least one of the two had some sense. Arthur grabbed a crossbow from the wagon and started firing, him and Merlin both holding off the Southrons the best they could until they were able to follow Tristan and Isolde to where they'd taken cover behind a fallen tree.

“They haven’t found the cargo,” Isolde said.

“They will,” Tristan said, his eyes glued to Arthur. “Besides, they weren’t after the cargo. They were after _you_. Who the hell are you?”

Arthur met the man’s gaze, done pretending. “My name is Arthur Pendragon.”

“The King of Camelot!” Tristan spat the words with disdain.

“At least I was.”

“I’ve lost everything I’ve worked for for some good for nothing king!”

Arthur glared at him. “That’s quite something coming from a smuggler.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have to be a smuggler if it wasn’t for your damn taxes, would I?!”

“Those taxes help protect the people of this land.” Arthur wasn’t certain why he was arguing with this man, he clearly wasn’t one to listen to reason.

“My people are _dead_ ,” Tristan sneered. “You call that protection?”

“Excuse me,” Merlin said. “Sorry to interrupt, but…”

He directed their attention to a group of more Southrons charging towards them. They had snuck around behind them, the bastards. Arthur and Tristan dropped their argument and both charged towards them, fighting side by side despite their personal differences. Isolde fought several of them on her own.

Arthur cut down anyone coming for him, finishing off his final opponent in time to watch a Southron elbow Isolde in the head and slash her sword arm badly, kicking her to the ground. The Southron was about to deliver the killing blow when Arthur rushed forward and stabbed the man in the back.

Arthur stood aside and watched as Tristan ran to Isolde’s side and held her in his arms. He displayed a surprising tenderness with her, compared to his general harshness. “Isolde. We had a deal. Partners for life, remember?”

“When have I not kept my promises?” Isolde replied weakly. Tristan breathed out with relief and kissed her forehead.

“We need to keep moving,” Arthur urged, hating to interrupt a tender moment, but the circumstances required it. “There’ll be more coming soon.”

“Then go!” Tristan shouted. “There’s nothing stopping you!”

“Come with us to Ealdor,” Merlin said. “You’ll be safe there.”

“I’m choosy about the company I keep,” Tristan sneered.

“He saved my life, Tristan,” Isolde said, looking at Arthur. “Thank you.”

Arthur nodded to her, though he couldn’t fully disagree with Tristan when he spoke next. “None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for them.”

“She’s injured,” Arthur said. “She needs shelter and rest.”

He wasn’t thrilled about spending more time with this man, but Merlin had been right to offer to take them along. They owed them that much. Tristan considered his words with a sigh. He looked from Arthur to Isolde. She nodded.

“Very well,” Tristan agreed. “But know this, Arthur Pendragon. I do this for her. You and your kind bring nothing but misery to this land.”

Merlin took a step forward with an angry expression, looking like he was about to argue, but Arthur put a hand on his arm and shook his head.

“It’s alright, Merlin. Let’s get going.”

Reluctantly, Merlin nodded, and they all set off through the forest.

*

Merlin and Arthur sat side by side by the fire that night, while Tristan and Isolde slept in each other’s arms against a tree trunk. Despite Tristan’s unfriendliness, the two smugglers clearly belonged together.

“You knew,” Arthur said, drawing Merlin’s attention. “You knew Agravaine was betraying me. Even tried to tell me as much.”

Merlin stared into the fire. “I had my suspicions,” he said, even though they both knew it was more than that.

“I feel like such a fool,” Arthur admitted. “I put such trust in him. All this time, I was blind to his treachery as I was to Morgana’s.”

“You were deceived, Arthur. That could happen to anyone.”

“Yet it keeps happening to me.” Arthur turned to look at him, and Merlin desperately wanted to take his hand, but wasn’t sure he would be welcome after everything that had happened. “I cared about these people,” Arthur continued. “I… I don’t understand. What have I done wrong? Why do they hate me?”

At that, Merlin couldn’t help himself. He had to reach out, and he gripped Arthur’s hand firmly. To his relief, Arthur didn’t argue or pull away.

“No, Arthur, they don’t hate you. They just… crave your power for themselves. It is a fault of theirs, not yours.”

“Perhaps.” Arthur looked down at their enjoined hands. “Would they still want that power if I was the king my people deserve? Maybe Tristan’s right…”

“No,” Merlin insisted. “Tristan was angry, and afraid. He needed someone to blame, but it’s not you that’s to blame.”

Arthur glanced up at him. “You seem very sure about all this.”

Merlin smiled. “Because I know you, Arthur. And, for your _many_ faults,” he said, elbowing Arthur lightly, “you are honest an brave and truehearted, and one day you will be the greatest king this land has ever known.”

To Merlin’s joy, Arthur did smile a little. “Well… Good to know I have the support of my love, at least.”

“I’m not alone,” Merlin insisted. “Believe me.”

Arthur looked at him for a long time, and then he wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulder. He was surprised, given the presence of strangers, but after a moment Merlin leaned into it, pressing close against Arthur’s side, soaking up his warmth.

*

When they arrived in Ealdor that night, luck had them meeting Hunith before anyone else. She was carrying a bucket of water from the well, but when she saw Merlin, she put it down and the two of them ran to meet each other. Arthur watched as Merlin hugged his mother, and saw her smile as she ran her hand up and down his back, and he slowed down his and the other’s pace a little to allow them a moment of privacy. Slowing wasn’t difficult, considering the ache in his ribs. Once Arthur, Tristan and Isolde joined them, mother and son had pulled apart.

“It’s good to have you home, Merlin,” Hunith said.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

“I understand how it is, your life in Camelot. I worry about you sometimes. The dangers you must face.” Hunith looked over at Arthur and the others. “Dangers like the one I assume brings you here now?”

“I am truly sorry to intrude on your home,” Arthur said sincerely. This was not exactly how he hoped to see Merlin’s mother again.

“No apologies, Your Majesty,” Hunith said with a smile. “You are always welcome here, no matter the circumstances. I am always fearing the worst when my son is away; at least now I get to see him.”

“Mother,” Merlin said, “I don’t want you to worry.”

“I can’t help it. It’s what mothers do,” Hunith said lovingly, and Arthur felt the absence of his own mother deeply in that moment. 

“Well, we’ll be safe here, for a while,” Merlin replied, and Arthur could tell he was trying to sound confident. “If that’s alright?”

“Always,” Hunith said. “In fact, there is someone else who will be very glad to see you.”

Merlin’s eyes lit up like he knew what she meant, but Arthur certainly didn’t. “What do you mean?” he asked.

Hunith just smiled and led the way towards her home. Tristan and Isolde made their introductions on the way – evidently Tristan had miraculously learned some manners in the last few minutes since their arrival.

Once Hunith opened the door to her home, though, Arthur forgot all about Tristan and Isolde. Momentarily, he even forgot about Agravaine.

Inside, huddled together at a table in the small space, sat Gwen and Lancelot.

*

“Are you certain you’re alright?” Lancelot asked Merlin. The two of them stood by the fire while Gwen tended to Arthur’s ribs in the opposite corner. Hunith had taken Tristan and Isolde to look for a place for them to stay. Merlin loved his old home, but it wasn’t large enough to house this many people.

“I’m fine, Lancelot,” Merlin assured his friend for yet another time. “I wasn’t injured during our escape.”

“It still can’t have been easy.”

Merlin smiled a little. How he had missed Lancelot’s selfless kindness. “It was hard to leave Gaius and the others behind,” he confessed. “But they all agreed, the King’s safety must come first.” He looked at Arthur on the other side of the room, and back to Lancelot. “How have you been managing? Coming back from the dead and all.”

Lancelot smiled. “It has been hard at times. I have dreams that I think are about… wherever I was. My memory is hazy. But I have Gwen, and thanks to you, I am myself. I have nothing but grateful for that.”

“So am I,” Merlin said. “Grateful. The world didn’t feel quite right without you in it.”

“I’m not certain I deserve such high praise,” Lancelot smiled shyly, because he was too good a human to see himself the way all his friends did.

“Well, you weren’t at your funeral.” Merlin grinned. “It was an impressive turnout.”

“Really?” Lancelot asked, chuckling. “I suppose that’s something.”

“I do hope we can get you back to Camelot for good after all this,” Merlin said. “The other knights miss you.”

“Hopefully, now that Agravaine’s betrayal has been revealed, his witness testimony can be invalidated,” Lancelot agreed. “It would be good to see them all again. How is Percival managing?”

“He is an excellent knight,” Merlin said. “So loyal, with a heart as big as his arms. We grew closer, after we lost you. I tried to make sure he still knew he was home in Camelot.” Merlin smiled. “He also has feelings for Gwaine that he thinks no one knows about.”

Lancelot chuckled. “Still hasn’t admitted to that, has he?”

“He’s helped me understand how all our friends must have felt watching Arthur and me through all those years.” Merlin smiled. “I’d like to think things might work out similarly in this case.”

“I’d like to think so, too,” Lancelot agreed. “And I’d like to be around to see it.”

“You will be,” Merlin said confidently. “I’m sure of it. Camelot just isn’t the same without you or Gwen.”

*

Arthur sat with Gwen, separated from the others, so she could dress his wounded ribs. He sat still while she worked.

“It’s good to see you again,” he said. “I’ve missed you.”

She smiled. “I’ve missed you, too.” The smile faded. “I’m sorry our reunion had to happen under these circumstances.”

“Yes,” Arthur agreed. “What brought you two here, anyway?”

“It’s as good a place as any.” Gwen looked over her shoulder to where Lancelot and Merlin spoke beside the fire. Hunith and the two smugglers where elsewhere at the moment. “Merlin may have suggested that we would be welcome here, and Lancelot was eager to take him up on it. If he couldn’t be with his friend, at least he could help his mother.”

Arthur smiled. “I am glad.”

“It’s not Camelot,” Gwen said. “But it’s as close to home as we could manage.”

They sat in silence for a while, but Arthur noticed Gwen opening her mouth a few times as if to speak, then seemingly changing her mind.

“What’s on your mind, Gwen?” he asked when it happened the fourth time. She looked up at him, and he was surprised to see her looking sad.

“It’s only… I wanted to apologise, Arthur.”

“What on earth would you have to apologise for?” he asked. He was the one who had to banish her, if anyone should be apologising it should be him.

“Everything was finally going to work out,” she said. “Then Lancelot came back and… Oh, if I hadn’t put myself in that position, Agravaine never would have seen me kiss Lancelot and he wouldn’t have made the accusations that forced you to send us away. Everything could have been so different now if only I hadn’t–”

“Hang on, hang on.” Arthur tried to sit up straighter, but winced at the movement, so instead he took Gwen’s hand. “Stop that, please. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“It isn’t ridiculous,” Gwen said miserably. “If I had stayed away from that wrong version of Lancelot, you and I could be married by now and you and Merlin would–”

Arthur cut her off again. “Gwen! Surely you must know, we don’t blame you for any of this. It didn’t even occur to me, as I’m sure it didn’t to Merlin. We’re both just happy that you and Lancelot get to be together after everything you’ve gone through. Alright?”

He looked Gwen in the eyes, making sure she had no cause to doubt his sincerity. Eventually, she nodded, and even managed a smile.

“I thought it was _my_ job to give the supportive speeches in this friendship,” she said. “Does this mean I have to start mooning over Merlin?”

Arthur laughed and shook his head in wonder. “Oh, I really have missed you, Gwen.”

*

In the middle of the night, Merlin and Hunith were the only ones awake, talking softly together while the others slept. Merlin was telling his mother about his life since they last saw each other – the most important parts of the story involving Arthur.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” Hunith whispered. “I am so happy. I could see something between you from the start. I hope he is good to you.”

“It doesn’t feel real sometimes,” Merlin admitted. “I dreamed it so often that sometimes I’m afraid it’s still a dream.”

Hunith held one of Merlin’s hands in both of hers. “You deserve a dream, Merlin. After everything–”

Her words were cut up by screams. Merlin stood and looked outside. Southrons surrounded the village with torches. The villagers were screaming.

“Agravaine,” Merlin said. “He’s found us.”

*

Arthur, Lancelot, Gwen, Tristan and Isolde ran into the cave tunnels just outside Ealdor, listening to the sounds of the Southrons fading behind them. Arthur’s heart was hammering, not just from the run, but from having seen his uncle among the enemy that tracked them.

His heart didn’t start to stabilise until Merlin caught up with the group in the caves.

“Did you lose them?” Arthur asked, eyes roaming over Merlin to look for injuries.

“It’s safe,” Merlin said. He looked unharmed.

“You sure?”

“Do I look like an idiot?” Merlin asked, smiling slightly.

“Yes,” Arthur replied with a mirroring smile. “Which way now?” He watched Merlin look around, uncertain. “You grew up in these tunnels, right?”

“I did, just…” Merlin looked around. “It could be that way.”

“Or it could be that way,” Arthur finished for him.

“Yes,” Merlin admitted.

“That’s reassuring,” Arthur said, but followed Merlin when he chose a direction and led them onward through the caves.

*

Lancelot kept his hand firmly in Gwen’s as they moved through the tunnels, following Arthur and Merlin.

“So, how do you know Arthur?” asked the man behind him, the one named Tristan. The one who had done nothing but glare since Lancelot had seen him. Gwen shared a look with Lancelot, before she glanced at Tristan.

“I was a servant in Camelot,” she replied. Lancelot decided his energy was better spent on keeping them moving and holding onto Gwen, so he let her do the talking.

“To Arthur?” Tristan asked.

“No,” Gwen replied. Lancelot heard her impatience, and wondered if he should be fearing for the man’s life.

“So why are you here?” Tristan pushed.

“He’s our king,” Lancelot said, sparing Gwen from the effort.

Tristan shorted. “I can’t say I’ve detected many kingly qualities so far.”

Gwen stopped and spun around to face Tristan, and Lancelot knew he was wearing the same angry expression as Gwen.

“Maybe you don’t know him,” Gwen snapped.

“In which case, keep your opinions to yourself,” Lancelot added, and the two of them turned and hurried onward, keeping their back to Tristan and his misguided opinions.

*

Arthur brought their party to a stop at the sound of movement behind them. He looked at Merlin. “I thought you said we’d lost them.”

“I thought I had.”

“It won’t take long for them to catch us,” Tristan added.

“I’ll go back.” Merlin started to head back, but Arthur grabbed his arm.

“What are you gonna do?” he asked.

“Create a diversion.” Merlin tried to move again, but Arthur stopped him.

“It’s too risky,” Arthur said, praying to everything in existence that Merlin would listen to him just this once.

Merlin likely saw Arthur’s concern, because his expression softened. “I know these tunnels and Agravaine doesn’t.” He handed Arthur his torch. “You keep going.”

Arthur swallowed. “Merlin…” He trailed off, knowing he couldn’t possibly convey everything he wanted to. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he said instead.

Merlin grinned. “Me?”

With that, Merlin took off back down the tunnels. Arthur looked after him, every part of him wishing he could follow to make sure Merlin was alright, but he had other people to protect, and Merlin was quite capable on his own.

Arthur turned and headed in the opposite direction with the others.

*

Merlin stopped behind the corner when he heard the Southrons close ahead of him. He took a deep breath to prepare himself, and jumped out to face them.

“Oh, hello!” he shouted with feigned enthusiasm. He locked eyes with Agravaine before he turned and ran. The enemy pursued him as planned. Merlin led them in the other direction of where his friends were heading, until he came to a dead end and stumbled to a stop.

“Merlin.” Agravaine’s voice came from behind him. “Merlin?”

Merlin took a deep breath. He was trapped. Everyone’s lives were at stake. If he turned around now, there was only one way this could end. Another breath, and Merlin turned. He faced Agravaine and the soldiers.

“Where’s Arthur?” Agravaine asked. Gods, even with a question so small, he sounded condescending.

Merlin shook his head. “Be careful,” he warned in a tight voice, trying to control his disdain.

“What are you talking about?” Agravaine asked, confused. “Where is Arthur?”

Merlin shifted his weight. No matter what, this was Arthur’s uncle. Arthur had loved and trusted him until a few days ago.

“I don’t think so,” Merlin replied. He knew what would happen next, but he was still sad to see Agravaine take a step forwards, because Merlin couldn’t allow that.

Merlin sent his magic towards Agravaine and every soldier beside him, throwing them back with nothing but a flash of his eyes. Grief and regret seeped into him as he acknowledged that all the soldiers were dead.

Agravaine, however, was gasping for breath on the ground. Merlin walked closer to him, slowly. Agravaine climbed onto his knees and stared at Merlin. The truth was out now, and Merlin refused to keep his head down before this coward of a man anymore. Instead, he straightened his shoulders and looked Agravaine in the eyes, allowing all his feelings for the man to shine through.

“You have magic,” Agravaine said as he put all the pieces together.

“I was born with it,” Merlin replied through gritted teeth.

“So it’s you." The final piece fell into place. “You’re Emrys.”

“That is what the druids call me."

“And you’ve been at court all this time, eh? At Arthur’s side?” The horrible man laughed. “How you’ve managed to deceive him! I am impressed, Merlin. Perhaps we’re more alike than you think.”

Nothing Agravaine said could have been more insulting. Merlin raised his hand, and _finally_ that smirk was wiped off Agravaine’s face. Perhaps, if that had been it, Merlin would have let him life for Arthur’s sake. But then Agravaine whipped a knife out of his cloak. Merlin almost felt bad for the man, thinking he had a chance to outmaneuver him.

Merlin raised his hands and blasted Agravaine backwards. He hit the ground with an audible crack, his dead eyes staring at nothing. Merlin took a deep breath and forced himself to walk past all the men he had just killed. With clenched fists, he left their bodies behind and continued through the tunnels.

*

Arthur brought their group to a halt.

“What are you doing?” Tristan asked, and Arthur shushed him. He listened closely. Rocks moving, coming from behind them.

“Merlin."

“He knows the tunnels,” Tristan said. “He’ll find his way.”

Between heartbeats, Arthur had made up his mind. “I’m going back for him.”

He walked past Tristan and the others, and heard Tristan’s confused voice behind him. “For a servant?” the smuggler asked.

“You’re wrong about him,” he heard Gwen reply, and then Arthur was too far away from them to hear. He moved quickly but carefully until finally, he made out a familiar figure approaching.

“Merlin!” Arthur’s hands automatically checked Merlin for injuries, which is why it took him a moment to recognise the tormented look on his face. “Merlin. What happened?”

“I…” Merlin looked away from Arthur’s face, struggling with his words. “I’m sorry, Arthur. I didn’t want to do it.”

“What are you talking about?” Arthur asked. “Are you hurt?”

“No, no,” Merlin said quickly. “But… The soldiers, and Agravaine. He’s dead. They're all dead.”

Merlin’s voice broke on the last word, and Arthur understood. He cupped Merlin’s face in his hands, forcing the sorcerer to look at him. “You killed him? And the soldiers?” Arthur asked. Merlin nodded, and a tear rolled down his face. Arthur wiped it away with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, Arthur,” Merlin whispered.

“Oh, Merlin.” Arthur pulled Merlin into his arms, holding him tightly, rubbing his back gently as he kissed Merlin’s hair. “I understand, Merlin. You did what you had to. It doesn't make you any worse than any soldier on the battlefield who does what he must. I’m just happy you’re alright.”

He pulled back and looked at Merlin, letting him search Arthur’s eyes until he was convinced that Arthur wasn’t lying to him. When Merlin’s skin looked less gray, Arthur let his shoulders relax slightly.

“You came back for me,” Merlin said.

“Of course I did, you idiot,” Arthur replied gently. “I love you more than anything and I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

Merlin smiled despite the haunted look in his eyes. “Good,” he replied. “Let’s get back to the others.”

*

That night, after they set up camp in the forest, Merlin found Arthur sitting against a tree by the fire. His arms were crossed over his chest and from the way he stared ahead of him, he was clearly brooding now that there was less urgency.

“I thought I’d take the watch,” Merlin said once he reached him. No reaction, only brooding. Merlin sat down next to Arthur. “Arthur, what’s the matter? I hope you’ve not been listening to Tristan. He doesn’t know you.”

“I trusted the wrong people.”

Merlin shook his head, though Arthur didn’t turn to see it. Merlin took his hand instead, breaking Arthur’s brooding position by denying him crossed arms.

“They betrayed you,” Merlin said, putting as much force into it as he could. “That wasn’t your fault.”

“No,” Arthur said, refusing to listen. “I was a fool. I misjudged everyone. My uncle… Morgana. Every decision I’ve made has been wrong.”

“You are being too hard on yourself,” Merlin said softly.

“I should be more discerning, wise… a statesman, a king.” Arthur shook his head. “Tristan’s right; there’s nothing special about me. I’m just like everyone else.”

“No, you’re not!” Merlin snapped, softness gone. “I’m sorry, but Tristan is a stubborn, angry man who doesn’t know anything about you. You’re a worthy king.”

“I’m good with a sword, that’s all.”

“Your people love you.” _As do I._

“Most of them are dead,” Arthur said, pained. “Thanks to me.”

“No,” Merlin insisted. “Most of them escaped. They’ll be here in the forest, I’m sure of that.”

“Well, if they are, they’ll have to find themselves a new king.”

Arthur slipped his hand out of Merlin’s, got to his feet and walked away without so much as a glance at Merlin.

“Arthur…” Merlin tried, but he just kept walking. “Arthur!”

Merlin swallowed as he watched Arthur leave. He couldn’t imagine the pain Arthur was feeling or what he was going through, but he knew one thing. Arthur was a good king, and he would become great. Merlin couldn’t allow Arthur to doubt that.

He had to remind Arthur of everything that made him special, everything that made him the leader they all needed and deserved. Merlin thought for a long time before a plan took shape, and then he got to his feet, glancing over their campsite to ensure everyone was asleep. They were. Good.

Because Merlin had a dragon to summon.

*

Arthur woke up to Merlin standing over him. “What?”

“There’s something I need to show you,” Merlin said, and started walking without waiting for an answer. Arthur got to his feet, grabbed his sword and followed.

“This had better be good,” he said once he caught up. “Because this really isn’t the time for one of your ridiculous games.” He was feeling particularly grumpy this morning.

“I was thinking about last night,” Merlin said. “How you were saying you’d given up all hope, how you were a poor leader and a shoddy king.”

“Shoddy?”

“Alright, shabby,” Merlin corrected.

Arthur shook his head. “Thanks.”

“Well, it reminded me of a tale Gaius once told me.”

“Merlin,” Arthur sighed. “This really isn’t the time for your favourite bedtime story.”

Merlin looked at Arthur. “For once in your life, just… listen.”

Arthur considered Merlin for a moment, and finally held up his hands in defeat. What did he have to lose at this point?

“Many years ago,” Merlin continued as they walked, “before the birth of the five kingdoms, this land was in an endless cycle of bloodshed and war, but one man was determined to end all that.” Merlin continued with the story of Camelot’s first king, which Arthur already knew perfectly well. He informed Merlin of that.

“There’s another part of the story that you haven’t heard,” Merlin said mysteriously, eyes glittering in the morning light.

“Really?” Arthur asked, skeptical.

Merlin smiled. “When Bruta was on his deathbed, he asked to be taken deep into the forest. There, with the last of his strength, he thrust his sword into a rock. If his lineage was ever questioned, this would form a test. Only the true king of Camelot could pull the weapon free.”

Arthur stopped walking. “Are you making this up?”

“Of course not,” Merlin said eagerly, and kept walking until Arthur was forced to catch up with him again.

“Alright,” Arthur said, curious enough now to play this out. “If it’s true, why haven’t _I_ heard this story?”

Merlin chuckled. “Well, history isn’t really your strong point, is it?”

“And where is this rock?” Arthur asked, ignoring the dig.

“Oh, it was lost many years ago during the Great Purge, but…” Merlin looked at him and grinned. “I’ve managed to find it.”

Arthur scoffed. “I’ve never heard so much rubbish in my life.”

“Are you calling Gaius a liar?”

“No,” Arthur said, “I’m calling you an idiot.”

“First of all,” Merlin said, “for all you know, my magic led me to it. Second of all, if I’m an idiot, what’s that then?”

Merlin stopped and looked ahead. Arthur followed his line of sight, and thought he had to be hallucinating. Perhaps he was still sleeping. In a clearing in the woods, there was a stone. A stone with a sword in it.

As the two of them walked closer, Arthur noticed to his further surprise, several knights and citizens of Camelot stepping out of the forest. He spotted Sir Leon and Sir Percival with them, which would have relieved him if he wasn’t so confused.

Arthur looked at Merlin, who was smiling rather proudly.

“What are you playing at, Merlin?” he asked.

“I’m proving that you are their leader and their king,” Merlin said, seeming remarkably unconcerned about the situation.

“Merlin, that sword is stuck fast in solid stone.”

“And you’re going to pull it out,” he replied confidently.

“That’s impossible,” Arthur said, wondering if Merlin had hurt his head back in the tunnels.

“Arthur, you’re the true king of Camelot.” The laughter faded from Merlin’s voice, leaving nothing but pride and affection. Arthur looked at all the people around them.

“Do you want me to look like a fool?” he asked. It seemed out of character.

“No,” Merlin replied. “I’m going to make you see that Tristan is wrong; you aren’t just anyone. You _are_ special. And I’m not just saying that as the man who loves you more than anyone else in the world. You and you alone can draw out that sword.”

Arthur was torn. It wasn’t like Merlin to intentionally try to humiliate Arthur in front of his people, but at the same time, this entire fantasy was ridiculous. He considered for a long time before he took the sword in his hand and drove it into the ground. He fixed his eyes on Merlin.

“You better be right about this.”

Arthur slowly walked towards the stone, feeling like an idiot. He looked over the crowd again, hesitating before placing both hands on the hilt of the sword. For a brief moment, he considered running from the scene as fast as he could, and then he tried to pull.

Of course the sword didn’t even budge.

“You have to believe, Arthur,” Merlin said from behind him. How could he sound so confident? This was insane. And yet, Arthur tried again, putting more of his strength into it.

“You’re destined to be Albion’s greatest king,” Merlin said softly. “Nothing, not even this stone, can stand in your way.”

While Merlin’s confidence was impressive, Arthur tried again and again, but nothing happened. He let go a few times to reposition himself. He took several breaths and focused. Merlin had to believe in this nonsense for a reason, surely.

Arthur ignored the crowd around him.

“Have faith,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur _wanted_ to believe this fairy tale, he truly did. What would be so wrong with believing it? Arthur took a deep breath and lifted his chin. He took hold of the sword again, and pulled. He pulled, and felt the metal slip from the stone until he was holding it above his head, staring at it in shock.

“Long live the king!” someone in the crowd shouted. It sounded like Leon, but Arthur was too stunned to look. He stared up at the sword as he heard _long live the king_ coming from every corner of the forest around him.

Whatever had just happened, the faith in the voice of his people filled Arthur’s heart.

*

Arthur, Leon, Percival, Lancelot, Merlin and Gwen all walked together through the forest, discussing strategies. Merlin could feel them all slipping back into familiar rhythms, everyone trying to corpartmentalise the losses of the previous days and focus only on the battle ahead. It was especially pleasing to see Lancelot with the other knights as though they had never been separated.

“What about the drawbridge?” Arthur asked.

“Well manned,” Leon replied.

“As are the northern gates,” Percival added.

“The battlements on the south side?” Arthur asked.

“Arthur, even if we can get inside, she has an army,” Lancelot pointed out.

“And we have, what? A few hundred?” Arthur looked around the forest as if he could count everyone with a glance.

“And they still outnumber us,” Percival said.

“Yeah, but only three to one,” Arthur said, almost chipper. Leon and Lancelot chuckled.

“And do you think they’ll fight?” Isolde asked. Merlin hadn’t noticed how close Isolde and Tristan were behind them. The group stopped walking.

“Well, they’ll fight for Arthur,” Leon said with no hesitation.

“It’s not me they have to fight for,” Arthur argued instantly. “It’s for Camelot.”

“No, Arthur,” Leon insisted. “It is you that people love, and you they will lay down their lives for. I know that I would ride into the mouth of hell for you.”

“And I,” Lancelot echoed, as did Gwen.

“And I,” Percival agreed.

“And I,” Merlin said with a proud smile. He looked at Tristan, who was staring at the knights in awe. Finally, Merlin thought he might be understanding. Arthur was worthy of all the loyalty they lay before him.

Arthur drew Excalibur and looked between them all. “Into the mouth of hell it is.”

*

Later, Merlin caught up to Arthur where he stood alone, hidden from view. “You alright?”

“Yes,” Arthur said, and held his hand out for Merlin to take. He did so, happily.

“Do you think there’s too many of them?” Merlin asked, guessing where Arthur’s head was at.

“Southrons are men like you and me.” Arthur sighed. “Men we can fight. But Morgana…” He shook his head. “Her power is so great and we’ve got nothing to answer it with.” Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes. “Except you.”

“You’re worried,” Merlin guessed. “I know. But we _can_ do this, you and me and the others. We can.” Merlin grinned. “Besides, I never finished Gaius’s story.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Please, Merlin.”

“Humour me.” Merlin kissed Arthur’s hand, which at least stopped him arguing. “When the sword was thrust into the stone,” he said, “the ancient king foretold that one day, it would be freed again at a time when Camelot needed it most. The man who freed it would unite the land of Albion and rule over the greatest kingdom the world has ever seen. That man is you, Arthur.”

Arthur looked at him for a long moment, and then he smiled. “You must really love me, to make up all this nonsense.” Arthur kissed Merlin before he could protest. “Thank you.”

Merlin felt himself go warm and knew he was blushing. “Making up nonsense? Me?” he said innocently. “You’re head’s already as big as your waist, why would I do that?” Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s lovely middle and pulled him close, to prove his point. “I believe it though.” He kissed the spot on Arthur’s throat, just beneath his ear. “I believe in you. I always have.”

Arthur’s breath quickened and Merlin smiled as he moved back to his mouth, kissing him with all the passion he could muster. Arthur was practically panting when they pulled apart. They leaned against each other, forehead against forehead.

“If you want me to be able to fight at all,” Arthur said, “you need to stop doing that.”

Merlin chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure you believed me.”

“Oh, I’d never dare to doubt you.” Arthur smiled. “Not when you can take me apart with one kiss like that.” He sobered. “Yes, I believe you. We have hope. We can do this, because we have to.”

“There he is. There’s my king,” Merlin said. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Reluctantly, they stepped out of each other’s arms, back into the forest and the real world that awaited them.

“Oh,” Merlin said, rubbing his neck. “I forgot to mention. I was talking with Lancelot, and… Well, I have a plan.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, and you’re… not going to like it.”

*

“Well?” Lancelot asked. At least Merlin thought it was Lancelot. He was very tired and it was possible he could be dreaming. “Did it work?”

Fingers appeared in front of Merlin’s face, snapping. Merlin jerked and looked around. Arthur and Lancelot looked at him, both clearly amused.

“Wakey, wakey,” Arthur said. “You look horrible.”

“Didn’t get much time to sleep,” Merlin replied. “And yes, I think it worked,” he added. “Morgana’s powers will be weakened and she shouldn’t even notice until she tries to use it.”

“You _think_?” Arthur asked.

“She _shouldn’t_?” Lancelot added.

“It’s magic!” Merlin said defensively. “It’s complicated. It’s not like waving a sword around, you know.”

Arthur chuckled, but Lancelot looked at him with concern. “You going to be alright going on so little sleep?”

“Please,” Merlin said, clearing his head as best he could. “If we die today, it won’t be because I was up half the night.”

“I thought you had faith in me,” Arthur said, smiling.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Merlin’s mind cleared further with Arthur’s smile.

A while later, as Merlin watched Arthur give orders to Leon and Percival, he noticed Tristan and Isolde looking at Arthur, trying to get his attention. Arthur spotted and approached them. Merlin forced himself to stay where he was and not interfere.

“This is where we say goodbye,” Arthur said to the smugglers. Tristan and Isolde exchanged a long look.

“Arthur,” Tristan said, and his voice, his whole demeanor, was different than it had been towards Arthur since they met. “All my life, I’ve shied away from other people’s wars, and despised the power and wealth that kings buy with the lives of men. But you’ve shown yourself to be different.”

“You’ve shown us that you fight for what is right and fair,” Isolde said. “And for that reason, we would like to fight at your side.”

Merlin felt himself smile as Arthur stood there, speechless for a moment. “I’d be honoured to have you at my side,” he said finally. “We’ll stand together as equals.”

*

Arthur and his party fought the remaining guards in the corridor outside the council room. They knew Morgana was in there, but they had to get through the door first.

As he fought, Arthur said a silent prayer that the others were having more luck freeing the people in the dungeons. He hoped they found their friends alive.

“Whatever happened to the idea of finding a bit of land and settling down?” Isolde said to Tristan as the last of the soldiers fell dead to the ground. He laughed in reply.

Arthur looked at the sword in his hand and turned to Merlin. “You know, this thing’s not bad,” he said. It might be the best sword he’d ever fought with.

Merlin grinned. “Thought you might like it.”

Before the doors to the council chambers, Arthur took a moment to look each of his companions in the eyes. Lancelot, Gwen, Tristan, Isolde… And Merlin. All their eyes burned with determination and faith, but Merlin... Merlin’s eyes held nothing but love.

“Ready?” Arthur asked them all.

“For the love of Camelot!” was the only reply he received, the only one they needed to give, and then they charged into the council chamber…

And all stopped short. The chamber was empty, except for Morgana lounging on the throne as if without a care in the world. Helios stood behind her, her only soldier.

“Welcome, dear brother. It’s been far too long.” Morgana stood up from the throne and walked towards Arthur – more like glided, with the smooth movements of a snake. “I apologise if you had a difficult reception,” Morgana said sweetly as the doors closed behind them. “It’s hard to know who to trust these days.”

She stopped walking a distance away, and Arthur forced himself to step forward, to walk towards her. He raised his sword with an open hand, showing he didn’t intend to attack. Morgana kept a close eye until he’d placed the sword in his belt.

The two of them met in the middle of the chamber, face to face for the first time since her betrayal of Camelot. Arthur stared at her. She looked so different. No, not really, she looked the same, only... not so. She always carried herself with grace and poise, but now there was resentment in her every movement. Disdain had etched itself into the angles of her face. Her green eyes, that had always looked at the world with intelligence and kindness, now looked poisonous with hatred.

“What happened to you, Morgana?” he asked. Something flickered across her face and he thought he could see _his_ Morgana for only a moment. He could see the hurt in her that echoed his own. “I thought we were friends,” he said softly.

“As did I,” Morgana replied just as soft, but then all of her hardened again. “But alas, we were both wrong.”

“You can’t blame me for my father’s sins.”

“It’s a little late for that,” Morgana sneered. “You’ve made it perfectly clear how you feel about me and my kind.”

“You know nothing about how I feel about your kind,” Arthur said. “As for you, it is your actions that turned me against you, never your magic.”

“I don’t believe you,” Morgana said. “You’re not as different from Uther as you’d like to think.”

Arthur swallowed against the stinging pain. “Nor are you.”

At that, anger dripped from Morgana like molten stone, and she backed away slowly. “I’m going to enjoy killing you, Arthur Pendragon. Not even Emrys can save you now.”

Arthur drew his sword, and Morgana smirked. “Your blades cannot stop me,” she said, laughter in her voice. Knowing who had given it to him, Arthur had a feeling this sword wasn’t entirely as useless as she suspected.

“ _Hleap on bæc._ ” The words came from Morgana with the force of all her hatred, but… Nothing happened. Morgana, confused, raised her hand towards him.

“ _Hleap on bæc!_ ” She sounded scared now. Again, nothing.

Merlin’s plan worked.

“Not so powerful now, my lady,” Arthur said. Behind Morgana’s panicking form, Helios pulled his sword. Morgana ran towards the side door as Helios raged towards Arthur.

“After her!” he shouted just before his sword met Helios in a clash of metal. He thought he glimpsed Gwen and Merlin chase after Morgana, but more urgently, he heard the council chamber door opening. Southron soldiers rushed through. Lancelot, Tristan and Isolde all fought around him, but Arthur’s focus was on Helios, and on ignoring the pain in his ribs.

Much too quickly, Helios got the upper hand and knocked Arthur to the ground, disarming him in the process. As he was about to deliver the final blow, Isolde surged forward and stabbed Helios in the back. Arthur watched in horror as Helios, with his last strength, swept around and sliced into Isolde with his sword before he fell dead to the ground.

Isolde turned to face Tristan, who had just beaten the last Southron, and the two looked at each other as Isolde dropped her sword and fell to her knees.

*

Merlin ran as fast as he could after Morgana. She was fighting her way through Camelot’s knights with her sword, moving too fast, and he was falling behind. He nearly whooped enthusiastically when Gwen, running behind him until now, overtook him and sprinted after Morgana.

By the time he caught up, Gwen and Morgana were fighting. He stood back, remaining out of sight but ready to act the moment Gwen needed him to.

“What did I do to make you hate me so much?” Gwen asked over the clinging of blades.

“It’s not what you did,” Morgana replied. “It’s what you’re destined to do! I’m sorry Gwen, truly, but I cannot let that happen!”

Merlin wondered what vision Morgana had seen to make her so determined that Gwen was a threat. He wondered if, had he not made so many mistakes years ago, he could have talked to Morgana about it and helped her reach a different conclusion.

Through his regret, Merlin heard Morgana disarming Gwen.

Now it was his turn.

He felt his magic surge through him, and he looked around the corner as Morgana prepared to inflict the killing blow. He sent her blowing backwards, tossing her as far away as the space allowed. Merlin’s power sang under his skin as he let the ceiling collapse down on Morgana. Once the smoke began to clear, he rushed to Gwen’s side.

“You all right?”

“Yes,” she replied. She sounded shaken, but physically fine. She looked him over for injuries, too, and seemed satisfied he wasn’t dying. “What happened?”

Merlin stepped towards the rubble, smoke still rising from it, and looked for Morgana, ready to act the moment he saw her. But when the smoke cleared, Morgana was nowhere to be seen.

“I… I don’t know.” He looked at Gwen. “She’s not here.”

*

When Gwen and Merlin returned to the council chamber, it was quiet. Quiet except Isolde on the floor in Tristan’s arms, apologising to him. Arthur and Lancelot stood near them, and Gwen’s eyes instantly locked with Lancelot.

He was alright, but Isolde was dying. Silently, Gwen rushed to Lancelot’s side and slipped her arm around him. They looked down at Tristan and Isolde, helpless to do anything but watch.

“Our dreams…” Isolde tried to speak.

“Isolde, don’t.” Tristan held her tightly, tears running down his face as he gazed into Isolde’s eyes. Gwen noticed Merlin, also looking at them, but his eyes constantly flickering to Arthur.

“I wish…” Isolde’s voice was barely audible.

“I wish, too,” Tristan said.

“Hold me,” she begged.

Tristan’s arms wrapped around Isolde’s shoulders, and he continued holding her until the life faded from her eyes. He cradled her face in his hands, and he kissed her. When he leaned over her body and cried, Gwen had to look away.

Instead she looked at Arthur, whose eyes were fastened on Merlin. They looked at each other with tear-filled eyes, love and longing passing between them so strong she could almost see it. She looked at Lancelot, and found him observing the same thing.

In their time apart, Gwen had nearly forgotten how powerful the love between Arthur and Merlin was, how witnessing it felt like looking directly into the sun. When Lancelot’s eyes met hers, she could see him thinking the same.

They couldn’t just stand by and do nothing, they realised together. Gwen took Lancelot’s hand, and he nodded.

Together, they had no doubts and no regrets.

They knew what they needed to do.

*

Lancelot, Gwen, Arthur and Merlin sat around the table in Gaius’s chambers, one couple facing the other. Gaius was elsewhere, tending to the wounded. He had dismissed Merlin’s assistance when, after several days, there were only small scrapes and bruises left to attend, and Merlin had returned to the chambers to find his friends waiting for him.

“Gaius said it was alright for us to wait here,” Gwen said quickly, as if Merlin wasn’t thrilled to see them all there, together and safe.

Now, Merlin sat beside Arthur, both of them watching as Gwen and Lancelot exchanged strange glances.

“Should I remind you that you are the ones who summoned me here?” Arthur asked, amused. “I assume there was a reason?”

“We’re getting to it,” Gwen said. “Lance, I think you should start.”

Lancelot nodded, hands folded on the table before him. “Gwen and I talked about this often while we were banished, and what we have seen in the past few days only serves to prove that we made the right decision.”

“Decision about what?” Merlin asked.

“About returning to the agreement the three of us made before Lancelot returned,” Gwen said. “That Arthur marry me.”

Arthur and Merlin looked at each other, Arthur looking as shocked as Merlin felt. “But you should marry each other!” Merlin blurted out. “You’re finally together and home, everything is as it should be. _You_ should marry!”

“So should you,” Lancelot said. “But you can’t, and we love you both enough that we cannot deny you your best chance. We cannot accept for ourselves what is denied to those dearest to us.”

“Both Arthur and I would still be with the one we truly love,” Gwen added. “Even if all the world won’t know it. Certainly, most of the court will learn the truth, and the servants, but no one will think twice about the King having a lover as long as he also has a Queen.”

“You won’t be able to talk us out of this.” Lancelot grinned. “Our minds are made up. We are in this together, my friends.”

“So.” Gwen’s smile widened, and she took Lancelot’s hand on the table. “What do you say, Arthur? Merlin?”

The men in question looked at each other. Merlin couldn’t begin to make sense of what he was thinking or feeling, but when he looked at Arthur, he knew one thing for certain. He did not want to go through life without him.

Arthur looked like he was experiencing the same confusion and certainty. They held each other’s gaze for a very long time. Slowly, as they looked at each other, they both slowly started smiling, until Merlin’s cheeks ached from grinning.

Arthur took Merlin’s hand and kissed it.

“I take it that means yes,” Lancelot said.

“I think that’s safe to assume,” Gwen agreed, which was good, because both Arthur and Merlin were much too happy to speak.

All they could do was smile.

*

In the throne room of the castle, there was a side door. Through that door was a small room meant for preparations before ceremonies. Right now, afternoon sunlight filtered through the windows, casting a magical glow over the stone walls and floors, and on the faces of the people gathered there with smiles on their faces.

It was a little cramped. Gaius, Leon, Elyan, Percival, Gwaine and Lancelot stood in a circle, shoulder to shoulder. In the center of the circle, one man wore royal red, the other wore purple. It didn’t really matter what they wore, though, because no one could look away from the pure and utter joy on both their faces.

Merlin and Arthur stood face to face, beaming in the sunlight, as Gwen stood before them and wrapped a thin, white ribbon around their joined hands.

“Merlin,” Arthur said. “There are things we cannot have, I know. But here, in front of our nearest and most trusted, it doesn’t matter. I give myself to you in every way that matters, and I vow, with all my heart, to love you until the day I die, and beyond.”

Merlin struggled to stop smiling long enough to form words, which made Arthur laugh. Eventually, though, the sorcerer managed to speak.

“Arthur,” Merlin said with his heart in his words. “I’m known to ramble on, but this once, I’m struggling to find the words, any words, to express how I feel in this moment. I never knew… I never knew that there could be love like this. I never imagined I’d be witness to such a love, let alone feel it. All the magic, all the power… It fades to nothing in comparison of the strength of what I feel for you. I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried, Arthur. For as long as the world will allow it, I’ll be yours.”

Sniffling only a little, Gwen tightened the ribbon around their hands, binding them together, just as it should be. Once the ribbon slipped away after, Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin, lifted him off the floor and spun him around as they both laughed with happiness. All their friends had to press against the wall to avoid Merlin’s swinging feet, but their smiles only widened.

After all the pain and misery that had come before, in this moment, in this small space, there was only room for joy.

*

Merlin stood beside Lancelot at the front of the throne room, watching as Guinevere walked towards the dais dressed in a beautiful purple and golden gown. Lancelot’s face was absolutely radiant as he looked at her, and Merlin couldn’t blame him. Elyan, Gaius, Gwaine, Percival and Leon all stood around them, exuding pride. Merlin could swear he spotted Percival taking Gwaine's hand.

Gwen knelt before Arthur, and Merlin held his breath as he watched his friends together before the knights and courtiers of Camelot. Arthur held a crown in his hands.

“By the sacred laws vested in me,” he said, his voice ringing through the crowd. “I crown you, Guinevere… Queen of Camelot.”

Arthur placed the crown on Gwen’s head. They smiled at each other, and Arthur took her hand, glittering with her engagement ring, and helped her onto the dais. They shared a brief, innocent kiss, and held hands as they faced their subjects.

“Long live the Queen!” Arthur declared.

“Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen!” The entire room echoed the words, and the knights around Lancelot and Merlin shouted it as the two of them shared a look of pride. Merlin put his hand on Lancelot’s shoulder as they both looked up at the people they loved.

“Long live the Queen!” they exclaimed together.

Arthur looked at Merlin, and Gwen looked at Lancelot, and all four of them could feel it; the happiness that awaited them on the road ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was definitely crying when I finished writing this, so I hope you got *some* enjoyment out of it, too!
> 
> I am currently working on season 5, but I am also writing something else - an in-between-fic that show a glimpse into the everyday life of Merthur&Gwencalot in the three years between seasons 4 and 5! It's possible that it will be pure fluff. Both of these projects are taking me a while to write, but I am putting my heart and soul into it! As you can imagine, season 5 requires more rewriting than any of the other seasons, and gawd I hope I don't let you all down with my conclusion of this series! Thanks for sticking with me, you have no idea how much your comments and kudos on this series just make my whole life better <3


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